Buying a house with partner. He's paying deposit. We have 2 children.

JReacher1

How much are we talking here? If it's 10% deposit it probably doesn't matter. If it's 75% deposit it's probably more of an issue.

74jax

My husband inherited a huge amount, I have no idea exactly but around 700k before we were married.

Didn't bother me in the slightest he wanted this protected.

We don't have kids together though. Not sure if that matters.

sulphate

I also wouldn't be happy with this arrangement. My husband inherited some money 3 years ago and we put it towards the house we have just moved into, the money is for us as a family, I was always brought up to believe that all family money is to be shared. We have a child, but we are married which I appreciate is a different situation. However, you are still a family! So I still think it should be equal. Presumably, if you were working full time without children you might have been able to save up more towards the deposit, it should be considered "fair" because of your role as main carer for your children. It's security for you and the children, because presumably you would not be able to afford a mortgage on a comparable property by yourself if he left you?

That being said, I would probably compromise on 25% of the deposit plus 50% equity.

onomatopoeia99

sulphate wrote: »

It's security for you and the children, because presumably you would not be able to afford a mortgage on a comparable property by yourself if he left you?

Or if she left him.

Having been through a relationship with an unfaithful, grasping, hypocrite of a woman, the tennants is common approach is the only option I'd countenance unless the financial contribution was equal.

Marvel1

If you can't do things 50/50 makes me wonder why be in relationship never mind purchase a house!

People wonder why I prefer single life.


Money is a funny thing, share my bed, live together have kids but money separate.

Spendless

I think you need to clairfy, is your OH saying that if you were to split up in the next few years then he would like his desposit back and a 50/50 split on equity.

Or is he saying that 20-30 years into the future, when life can have thrown any number of complications at you (ill-health, redundancy, re-training etc) then in the event of a split he'd still want the deposit back?

Scenario a is possibly fair enough, scenario b may not be.

There's always the option of not buying a house until you are married if you feel this would be better security.

*max*

Spendless wrote: »

I think you need to clairfy, is your OH saying that if you were to split up in the next few years then he would like his desposit back and a 50/50 split on equity.

Or is he saying that 20-30 years into the future, when life can have thrown any number of complications at you (ill-health, redundancy, re-training etc) then in the event of a split he'd still want the deposit back?

Scenario a is possibly fair enough, scenario b may not be.

There's always the option of not buying a house until you are married if you feel this would be better security.

Scenario B would be a moot point anyway, if they have been married that whole time. His deposit would be part of the pot.

It just strikes me as a "what is mine is mine, but what is yours is mine too" situation, especially with the addition of "I want security for me and MY (not our, note!) children.". Which is easy to say when you're not the one who's set to potentially lose tens of thousands if things go south.

Edit: I have no idea if such a thing is even possible, but is there a way to make it legally enforceable to put the OP's "half" in the children's name, in the form of a trust (I know nothing about those, so firing in the dark here!), should they separate? That way the partner would know for certain that his inheritance would go to his children, and not his potential ex-wife to do with as she pleases? That might reassure him. It would me.

decbel

My partner owned her own house outright.

I didn't have a pot to pee in.

Didn't bother her in the slightest when we sold and bought after as joint tenants.

Still together 18 years later with a 16 year old son who I might add scored his first senior football goal today.

DigForVictory

Ouch ouch ouch - this has Trust Issues stamped all over it. Not the financial sort either, but the "can I really let the person do this to me" ones.

I'm presuming you were thinking of saying yes in two years? Well, these things take time to plan, so propose to him this weekend. And have the prenup ready sorted, saying that on matrimony, the tenants in common percentage is shifted to 50/50.

If he's happy with that, you can relax into the interim arrangements, no? Both of you want certainty in a very uncertain process, just right now he has the assets. Nudge the playing field a bit - after all, you've come this far together and it might cheer up Dad to think of son settling down & it shortly being all paperworked in a way he's familiar with.

*max*

DigForVictory wrote: »

Ouch ouch ouch - this has Trust Issues stamped all over it. Not the financial sort either, but the "can I really let the person do this to me" ones.

I'm presuming you were thinking of saying yes in two years? Well, these things take time to plan, so propose to him this weekend. And have the prenup ready sorted, saying that on matrimony, the tenants in common percentage is shifted to 50/50.

If he's happy with that, you can relax into the interim arrangements, no? Both of you want certainty in a very uncertain process, just right now he has the assets. Nudge the playing field a bit - after all, you've come this far together and it might cheer up Dad to think of son settling down & it shortly being all paperworked in a way he's familiar with.

This just screams "Let's get married now so I'm sure to get half of your money if things go wrong". Sorry but it does.

PS: it won't be "cheering up dad" anyway. He's dead.