Funding a complex move...

scottishblondie

andys56 wrote: »

Problem is MIL home and our second property are 21/2 hours apart, and the second home is a small cottage..so cannot live away from MIL and second property is far too small for us to live in.

No chance of one or both of you living with MIL then?

What if you sold your home and rented somewhere in your current area to live and be close to MIL while the other property is renovated? You just need to work out if a 6 month rental is cheaper than a bridging loan or the ERCs on a mortgage.

xylophone

Your wife lives with MIL while you live in the cottage and supervise the renovations?

Or you employ a carer for MIL on a temporary basis while you both live in the cottage and supervise the renovations?

getmore4less

Sell the £425k place to fund the purchase.

Finding a temp place to live should be easy.

Funding 4 houses 3 of them empty once the renovation are complete would not be ideal.

andys56

Thanks everyone, some really good points all taken on board

Cakeguts

My neighbour has dementia. He got out of the house in the middle of the night the other day. His wife now has to hide the keys so that he doesn't go out and get lost.

I hope one of you doesn't mind staying up all night to look after your MIL because that is probably what you will need to do in a few years time.

My grandfather also had dementia. My grandmother dressed him one morning but when he went to use the toilet a few hours later he took all his clothes off again. I hope you are happy to provide 24 hour care? One of you will sleep during the day and the other at night?

In 10 years time when your MIL cannot do anything for herself and you are aged 69 and 70 and you can't go out ever and leave her will you still be happy to be doing this?

hazyjo

Cakeguts wrote: »

My neighbour has dementia. He got out of the house in the middle of the night the other day. His wife now has to hide the keys so that he doesn't go out and get lost.

I hope one of you doesn't mind staying up all night to look after your MIL because that is probably what you will need to do in a few years time.

My grandfather also had dementia. My grandmother dressed him one morning but when he went to use the toilet a few hours later he took all his clothes off again. I hope you are happy to provide 24 hour care? One of you will sleep during the day and the other at night?

In 10 years time when your MIL cannot do anything for herself and you are aged 69 and 70 and you can't go out ever and leave her will you still be happy to be doing this?

Sadly seconded. Am sure you're already aware of how this disease progresses and what the future holds, but it's really not a case of saying you want to care for them and not put them in a home. It really is a very idealistic view and rarely able to happen in the middle-latter stages of the disease.


I have close friends with parents going through the same thing. No way could they look after them any more.

chappers

just sell your main residence, buy new house, rent somewhere temp. until works are finished, sell all other property if you want and then move into new house.

phoebe1989seb

I'm afraid I agree with Cakeguts and Hazyjo. I'm sure you've looked into what the future may hold for your MIL and yourselves as full time carers, but it really isn't a decision to be made lightly.

Five years ago DH and I had three parents between us who were all in various stages of Alzheimer's/Vascular Dementia. We were then aged in our mid-forties and did consider having one or both of my parents live with us. Like yourselves, it was a complicated scenario as we had just purchased a large period restoration project and my Dad, who had been Mum's sole carer, suddenly developed Vasc Dementia, rapidly becoming far worse than Mum who was in the mid stage of Alz.

We realised that even with one of us moving in with my parents whilst our building work was done, then moving them into a bespoke annex within our house, we just wouldn't be able to cope long term.

Obviously that was with two parents plus we also had DH's Dad in a care home an hour away. Coping with one will be less stressful, but every case is different and - having also had a Grandma with dementia who regularly went AWOL from the house she shared with my Grandad (and who was also incredibly violent ) - I wouldn't want to take on the role of carer.....even with DH's support.

It's an unenviable position to be in, but only you know if you'll be able to cope on a day to day basis. Having additional carers come in to share the load and give you both a break is something you'll need to consider.

GL with whatever you decide......

andys56

Thank you to all, especially for sharing your experiences of living with a parent with Alzheimers...I just feel this is the best thing to do for her and my wife, and the right thing too. Life is for living and that takes up many guises..