cheating wife after 6 months whats next/advice please

johnash1

Back in march I married what I thought was the woman of my dreams and I still believe that to be the case! But my mind is totally messed up. Its been a crazy 6 months since then. about 1 or 2 months after getting married we tried and fell pregnant with our 2nd child,

.Unfortunately she missed carried after 10weeks. Since she fell pregnant she says she fell out of love with me which I, believe was more hormonal but loosing the child caused stress and tensions, between us partly because I didn't know what to expect (we found out a few days before the baby wasn't to be) and probably didn't support her enough at this time. I found it very difficult to cope. We argued a fair bit and just found things in general to deal with.

So we decided to spend a weekend apart I took our 2 year child to my mum and dads, she stayed at home and arranged a night out with her girls. But when I came home sunday I could sense something wasn't right after putting our son to bed she burst out in tears saying "I fckd up I brought a boy home and I regret it.) I trust her on that night things didn't go further. But she said she liked this guy as a friend as he weren't forceful with her and didn't want her for sex. Much to my disapproval she met up with him a few times since "as Friends," i don't believe that.

that brings us up to this weekend we are still having trouble's but things have just magnified. Her mums away on holiday and we're still not seeing eye to eye. So she decided it would be a good idea to spend time apart I was bait relentless about this but agreed she stayed at her mums fri-sun came home to me and our 2 year son. because I have work Monday I go to her mum (she's away on holiday until sat) and start unpacking my stuff in tears and not thinking straight, looking for a socket behind her bedside table I saw a condom packet!! checked the date it was a new one phoned her demanding the truth saying I just found a condom packet sent her a pic on her phone so she couldn't lie and she opened up and said yes I did have sex but was the first time how am I suppose to believe this and move on? and build trust

Primrose

Get your wife back home, tell her that you both need to sit down and talk this through. Nobody condones adultery but you have admitted you were less than supportive when it happened.
If you want to save your marriage perhaps you need to call a truce, no matter how mistrustful you're currently feeling, and try to wipe the slate clean so that you both have a breathing space to get your relationship back to a more normal footing again. It certainly won't be easy. Perhaps your wife is looking for admiration and friendship which she currently feels she isn't getting in sufficient measure from you?

Obviously she has to show a willingness to break off this relationship if your marriage has any chance of surviving. She needs to ask herself what sort of future she is planning for your existing child if your marriage doesn't survive and how her mother will feel about having her home used for an illicit liaison while she,s away on holiday. Meanwhile don,t permit any more absences from home on either side. They only appear to cause opportunities to arise for unfortunate liaisons

PeacefulWaters

Sounds like a manipulative cow to me.

There's an opportunity to get out. Take it.

UKTigerlily

Agreed with the above

jamiehelsinki

I would divorce her, no question about it.

Fosterdog

In most circumstances I'd agree with the last three responses, if they cheat sling them out. However in this case if things were good between you before the miscarriage and you are sure there was no cheating going on until now I'd suggest counselling both separate to come to terms with the loss of the baby and as a couple to see if and how you can get through this. It may be that neither of you want the relationship anymore or it may be that you've both been going through so much and have failed to support each other but you both still want to be together.

I really don't want it to sound like I condone cheating in any way, I really don't but there are certain exceptional circumstances (miscarriage/loss of a child being one of them) that completely change you and you spiral out of control. Right now she is probably angry and upset with you for the lack of support but also blaming herself for the miscarriage, because you nor anyone else will blame or punish her for that she is doing other things to justify the guilt she feels.

I've had three miscarriages and while they didn't cause me to cheat each one changed me in a way I never though possible. My outlook on life is different because of them and the one did cause the end of my relationship at the time because I just couldn't get the idea that it was my fault and he deserved better out of my mind. We constantly argued and broke up a few months later, if there had already been a child there would have been a reason to work it out but without that it tore us apart. There is nowhere near enough help and support out there for parents going through this, it's almost like you are just supposed to pick your self up, dust yourself off, and carry on as if nothing happened.

consumers_revenge

First off sorry for your loss.


But this should bring you closer not drive her into another mans embrace.


Whilst not what you want to hear, the trust is now gone and will likely be forever.

Choc-addict

So sorry for your loss and all you are going through. Having lost a child at nearly 21 weeks you can not underestimate the affects it causes. Not that I condone cheating in any way, but just simply sometimes this things aren't as straight forward as they seem. If it were me I would take some decent time to Think about yourself and what you want. Taking a road following infidelity will be hard either way. Take good care and remember no rash or firm decisions need to be made right now. X

caprikid1

Having been through it all and everything was never good enough. I battled on for about 9 years after the above situation.


Get out is my advice

Guest101

I'd try to talk through it, but sometimes things are beyond help.

Pollycat

Just to point out that the OP started another thread less than 30 minutes after starting this one stating that he thought divorce was the only way forward.