Gift Money to siblings to help buy property

borkid

Cakeguts wrote: »

This is just the problem. Plus parents say that x in on side and that it was their idea but this doesn't mean that the child who is losing out is happy about the situation. The problem is that we don't know what the conversation was that led up to the son suggesting that mum gives daughter money for a house.

In this case on the surface it looks as if daughter is the favourite child and because of this has never been encouraged to work hard, save and get a good job. Son has had to do all of this to get his bought home. Daughter is about to be rewarded again for doing nothing. Presumably daughter is happy about the renting situation or she would have done something about it. In which case why help her buy a home at all?

We don't really know why the daughter hasn't bought a house and shouldn't speculate. My two adult children get different amounts of help. My son gets less and daughter alot more and potentially we could end up paying her mortgage as we are guarantors. Why? After a few years of work she became chronically ill and is no longer able to work. Son is in a high paying job. Neither know what the other gets.

Maybe the daughter in the OP has had a time when she couldn't work due to illness or has a marriage breakdown we just don't know.

Sea_Shell

borkid wrote: »

After a few years of work she became chronically ill and is no longer able to work. Son is in a high paying job. Neither know what the other gets.

So if your son was unfortunate enough to also be out of work in the future through ill health, you could afford to support him in the same way, if he needed you?

As you say, he doesn't know, so you don't know how he might feel if he did.

pjcox2005

Could be wrong, but it does feel that all the comments around only treating kids exactly the same are an excuse for people saying they can't do that so they'll simply do nothing. Fine if that's your preference but it seems slightly odd.


As an extreme, if one was a millionaire but the other had an unforeseen issue that made them destitute. You had money to only help one, would you help them or just say no?

bouicca21

I didn't think OP was talking about buying the daughter a house but gifting or loaning money so that she had a better deposit.

Either way, I think if we are fortunate enough to be able to help our children we shouldn't think twice about it. They are more in need of help when setting out than they will be when I die. And as it happens property prices in my area are so high that any money I leave over and above my quite modest flat will put my estate into inheritance tax. Better spend some and gift some rather than see it go to the government.

OK, one might contract a debilitating illness, I might need nursing care, the world might come to an end. I'm happy to live in the here and now.

Sambella

I get the impression that it’s is more than just a deposit as she refers to the fact ‘daughter can give son his share when she can afford to take on the full mortgage’

So the payment is intended to also make her mortgage payments manageable on her income it seems.

borkid

Sea_Shell wrote: »

So if your son was unfortunate enough to also be out of work in the future through ill health, you could afford to support him in the same way, if he needed you?

As you say, he doesn't know, so you don't know how he might feel if he did.

Yes I would and could and in the past when his marriage first broke up we did help with his mortgage.

gingercordial

pjcox2005 wrote: »

Could be wrong, but it does feel that all the comments around only treating kids exactly the same are an excuse for people saying they can't do that so they'll simply do nothing. Fine if that's your preference but it seems slightly odd.


As an extreme, if one was a millionaire but the other had an unforeseen issue that made them destitute. You had money to only help one, would you help them or just say no?

I don't think you have to treat children equally financially as long as you love them equally and treat them fairly, which isn't the same thing.

My brother and I would both like to buy houses in the next couple of years. My parents don't seem particularly inclined to help either of us (as is their right, we don't expect it) but if they did and had £x to give away I would rather they gave it to my brother (low-paid job in the military, small child, lives somewhere where a four/five figure sum would make a significant difference to the mortgage) than me (high-paid job in financial services, no kids, London so a drop in the ocean anyway). I would genuinely not mind as there would be a reason for the different treatment and therefore fair in my eyes. If we were both earning the same and needed the same but they favoured one that would be unfair.

On reflection I should probably have this conversation with my parents at some point in case they are thinking of helping him and concerned that I might be annoyed :A

Pricivius

I'm with those for whom fair and equal don't necessarily mean the same. Both my OH and I are in well-paying professions, whereas both our sisters happen to be in lower-paying (but very worthy) professions (a teacher and a nurse). Our sisters have received more parental financial and practical support than we have and we do not begrudge them a penny or a second. We didn't work any harder to get our jobs - in fact, I think they both did a lot more work and put more effort in than we did. It's just the way the world works, sometimes.


It would make no sense to have to reduce their support to ensure we received the same when we do not need it. There's no arrangement to repay or plan to even things out later - this is just the way things are.

Cakeguts

Pricivius wrote: »

I'm with those for whom fair and equal don't necessarily mean the same. Both my OH and I are in well-paying professions, whereas both our sisters happen to be in lower-paying (but very worthy) professions (a teacher and a nurse). Our sisters have received more parental financial and practical support than we have and we do not begrudge them a penny or a second. We didn't work any harder to get our jobs - in fact, I think they both did a lot more work and put more effort in than we did. It's just the way the world works, sometimes.


It would make no sense to have to reduce their support to ensure we received the same when we do not need it. There's no arrangement to repay or plan to even things out later - this is just the way things are.

There is no problem if you are all in agreement. The problems start when the parents have the idea that "x won't mind because they earn more" and then come up with something that doesn't include a discussion with x.

There is no indication that the son in the OP had any say in how he felt about his sister getting a large sum of money from the parent. We also don't know why the daughter is renting. I know that a lot of people don't think of renting as a choice but some people really do rent from choice. Renting means that you can spend all of what you earn because you don't have to save for repairs or a mortgage and if you have the kind of job that is not guaranteed to continue you can claim benefits to pay the rent is you become unemployed you can't do this if you have a mortgage.