Is it normal to feel like this?

sunday_girl

whattodo1967 wrote: »

You really are not alone we have around 15 more payments on our DMP, and I am same sick to death of not having a holiday last holiday was 2012 and having to watch every penny and like you say the effect it has had on my family really gets me down at times. My husband also suffered a heart attack earlier this year and his only 54, so has made me look at what is really important. Sorry to jump on your post, hopefully your year will fly by, and hopefully mine will too, and will we then be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Thanks, I know it's not a long time now in the grand scheme of things, just need to grit our teeth and get through to the end! I hope the year goes by quickly for us both (although I shouldn't be wishing life away!). Good luck with your final bit!

StopIt

sunday_girl wrote: »

I know I can't see inside other people's finances but everyone else seems to be able to achieve this with ease (should probably stay off Facebook!).

I am starting to save for a holiday next year. It won't be the big one I would like but we need to make sure we prioritise it. Having nothing to look forward to hasn't helped with how I'm feeling.

But that's the thing, people (Including you!) don't tell others about debt. People posting happy holiday photos on Facebook aren't going to tell you about the credit card bill, or the loan that paid for it.


My rant time: I HATE Facebook. Aside from the toxic news feeds of clickbait and lies, it has made "keeping up with the Joneses" into a national sport. People feel that they have to post to brag about every little thing and creates a race to post the "best" holiday photos, "best" meals ever, "best" expensive purchase etc.


So instead of looking over the neighbours house and wishing you had their Car/TV etc, you now look enviously on as people present their "best side" to the world. It feeds a vicious cycle where people see others as having everything, so thinking they should too. Because people in this country rarely talk about finances, they then assume that because they're easily getting these things, they should too. Creditors love this attitude and are more than willing to "help".


So yes, next time you see a post bragging about their latest holiday/big purchase on Facebook, remember that behind the scenes, they may well be setting themselves up for a future DMP, or worse.


Good on you for saving for your holiday, but remember that perfect is the enemy of good. Make your holiday you do have the best you can, and don't rue the fact that you're not going on a "better" one. There's always better, but you can always do better with what you do have also.

sunday_girl

StopIt wrote: »

But that's the thing, people (Including you!) don't tell others about debt. People posting happy holiday photos on Facebook aren't going to tell you about the credit card bill, or the loan that paid for it.


My rant time: I HATE Facebook. Aside from the toxic news feeds of clickbait and lies, it has made "keeping up with the Joneses" into a national sport. People feel that they have to post to brag about every little thing and creates a race to post the "best" holiday photos, "best" meals ever, "best" expensive purchase etc.


So instead of looking over the neighbours house and wishing you had their Car/TV etc, you now look enviously on as people present their "best side" to the world. It feeds a vicious cycle where people see others as having everything, so thinking they should too. Because people in this country rarely talk about finances, they then assume that because they're easily getting these things, they should too. Creditors love this attitude and are more than willing to "help".


So yes, next time you see a post bragging about their latest holiday/big purchase on Facebook, remember that behind the scenes, they may well be setting themselves up for a future DMP, or worse.


Good on you for saving for your holiday, but remember that perfect is the enemy of good. Make your holiday you do have the best you can, and don't rue the fact that you're not going on a "better" one. There's always better, but you can always do better with what you do have also.

I know what you're saying is completely true! Even my life probably looks Ok on Facebook - If I post pictures of the cakes or pizza I've made with the children I don't tell people it's because we have to make these things in order to keep our family fed on a budget, it just looks like a fun activity!

StopIt

sunday_girl wrote: »

I know what you're saying is completely true! Even my life probably looks Ok on Facebook - If I post pictures of the cakes or pizza I've made with the children I don't tell people it's because we have to make these things in order to keep our family fed on a budget, it just looks like a fun activity!

And it is a fun activity, especially with little ones.


I fully intend to use money saving tactics like making my own meals etc as excuses to have messy play times with my DD going forward. She's a little too young now to take part but will certainly enjoy anything where she can get messy AND not get told off for doing so!


A big thing with debt is the cycle of self hatred and punishment that comes after the sugar high of spending wears off and the debt becomes too much. Your original post is very familiar in this regard. You're paying for your past mistakes in your words, so this is your punishment.


It's only money, and self flagellation isn't going to change the situation. See it as a challenge. Gamification is actually a great way to deal with your finances. You don't even need tangible rewards for meeting targets. The emotional boost from seeing a target met, or a pop up saying "Well done, you did good" is actually the same. It's why Achievements and Trophies in gaming are popular despite meaning absolutely nothing. People feel good for being told they've done good. Sounds stupid, but it works, and you can do it for yourself.


If you're saving for a holiday, set milestones and targets, even if it sounds obvious. Every time you meet a milestone, or target, you'll feel better for doing it, even if it's just you that knows of it.

sunday_girl

I will try to stop beating myself up over it, as you say it won't change anything! Feeling a bit more positive again now, it helps to air things. On the plus side the debt will be paid off before my eldest wants to start driving lessons and we haven't run out of time for holidaying all together as a family yet. I will set a milestone of having £500 holiday money saved by December (that doesn't get touched for anything else).

Bewildered_Banshee

I'm at the beginning of my dmp so a very long way to go but just thought I'd share....ive come off Facebook. seeing smiley happy aren't we perfect photos just got to me. That and realising that although I love reading I
don't have time to do it because I waste so much time on Facey!

sunday_girl

Bewildered_Banshee wrote: »

I'm at the beginning of my dmp so a very long way to go but just thought I'd share....ive come off Facebook. seeing smiley happy aren't we perfect photos just got to me. That and realising that although I love reading I
don't have time to do it because I waste so much time on Facey!

Yes! I waste FAR too much time on the internet in general! I need to read more too. Good luck with your DMP

Jo3y83

I totally get this. I have spent the last 3 years clearing £25k of debt - I have £6k left and will be debt free by November but OMG it feels like I've been paying this off forever. I totally understand the feelings you are experiencing and I think it's totally normal to be fed up and demotivated, especially when sacrificing all the luxuries in life seems never ending.
Just imagine how amazing you will feel when it's all gone, such a liberation.
Sometimes I've found it's one step forward, two back. Recently, my car went in for MOT and ended up needing new brakes and suspension mounts...£239 bill. Terrific.
But this is life and sometimes it throws little curveballs at you to test you. But it will end. One day, not too long away, your DMP will be gone and you will be able to afford a nice holiday for you and the family without worrying about how you'll pay the credit card off.


Facebook is a feeder of envy. Don't let what you see trick you into believing people have the best of everything. People only show the good bits, why show anything else. And believe me, those good bits are often exaggerated.


Keep positive - one day this will be your past

sourcrates

Jo3y83 wrote: »

Facebook is a feeder of envy. Don't let what you see trick you into believing people have the best of everything. People only show the good bits, why show anything else. And believe me, those good bits are often exaggerated.

This is so true, l know roughly how much these people earn, so when i see them on a beach in mexico quaffing champers, i know damn well the cost of it must be going on there credit cards.

I just chuckle to myself and scroll on down lol !!

amanda_p

It often makes me smile when at the end of the day we pop our mortal coil no-one and I mean no-one is going to say, she had designer handbags and a big house! It is just 'stuff'. Life is about far more than stuff. You have done an amazing job getting rid of all that debt, just think this time next year......
Perhaps save up if you can for a holiday next year. It will give you something to aim for and when you go on it it will have been paid for without credit. When you return you will be returning to a debt free household! Enjoy, it will be well deserved.