I feel trapped and have very few options

AngelPie78

I'm taking the plunge and posting on this forum because I feel that I'm at the end of the line.

Every time I come on here, I get absolutely slated and ending up feeling worse but I thought I might actually get some help this time!

I'm going to try and avoid posting a super long post so here are the bullet points of my situation:

OVERVIEW
- 39 year old single mum to two sons (aged 12 and 8) who I have half the time every week
- lots of life and work skills but was left without a job when I got divorced in 2012
- was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and stress in 2012 and been taking meds for these every day since
- decided that going to university was the best option at the time (I couldn't afford to work, pay childcare, rent and bills in a minimum wage job as I'd given up my career to raise my children)
- graduated in 2016 with a First in Digital Media
- realised in 2016 that my degree was less than useless. It did not teach me anything to make me employable and I would have been better learning about web development in my bedroom - but hey ho!
- looked for a job for six months - didn't even get an interview. 95% of jobs in my industry and area recruit through agencies. The industry is well-known for trying to recruit 'Unicorns' i.e. mystical employees that have 2-5 years experience but want to work for minimum wage. I worked in recruitment for ten years so am well versed in how to get a job, but my skills and experience aren't up to the standard of the jobs I need.
- decided that I had better start working for myself to bring SOME money in after getting into debt with my landlord and other bills trying to survive on benefits.
- started my web dev business in January. It's going ok but I've not brought in enough in eight months to even be turning a profit.
- started looking for a job again a month ago and it's still the same situation - in fact probably worse!
regular income is weekly tax credits which just about covers rent (HB doesn’t cover the whole amount), gas, electric, water, council tax, essential debt payment (to keep the bailiffs away) any money I get from my business covers petrol, food, internet (essential for my business). My mum subs me between £50-£100 most weeks just to be able to buy food, cover the shortfall for bills and give me petrol money. Often I only eat twice a day so that the kids can eat. I don’t get any payments from my ex as we share custody. He also gets Child Benefit for one of the boys which I’ve appealed many times due to his salary, but it’s not a means tested benefit so I’ve lost all the time. I get £82.80 every four weeks for CB for one of the kids.
I sold my car in May so that I could catch up on all my bills but am already getting behind again. I part exchanged for a crappy car (shed on wheels) as I need a car to take the kids to school. I live in a new development so no buses, two schools and too far to walk. Buses are being put into place over the next year or two. I live in social housing and was homeless with the kids for a year while at uni so stuck where I am for now.
I am in £50k of debt built up over the last 20 years (not including my student loans of £40k). I have taken advice and am planning to go bankrupt but I don’t have the £680 fee. My application is all done - just need the money to pay for the court.
I’ve been to the CAB about ten times in the last year and they are flummoxed! They have made an appointment for me to see a money charity next week who they think might be able to help. They always focus on my debt which I understand but I’m trying to prioritise paying my rent and bills so I don’t get evicted and food so that we can eat. Worrying about debt when I can’t get the kids to school seems the wrong way round to me. Also, the bailiffs can come if they like - I have nothing they can take. I don’t even have flooring in my house cos I can’t afford it. If I had the money, I would gladly pay my debts.

PROBLEMS:
- I don’t have enough guaranteed income to cover all of my essentials. By this I mean rent, council tax, gas, electric, water, food and petrol. I have a mobile and I need the internet for work and that’s it.

I need AT LEAST £18k a year to even break even on bills etc for my house and I live in social housing and have the bare minimum in essential bills, a crappy, cheap car etc etc
- I'm restricted on where I can work and the hours I can work as I have to pick my kids up from school due to lack of childcare/transport options for them - moving is not an option as I have joint custody etc
- Jobs are a plenty BUT it's all dealing with agencies who haven't got a clue about my industry. One of them misunderstood my CV the other day and thought I had over five years' experience when I have about one in a very specific skill set.
- Jobs are asking for a wide range of experience in a lot of technologies and it's near impossible to be proficient and have commercial experience in all of them. Most jobs will require a technical test so you can’t really blag it.
I have no time. I’m working 40+ hours every week on my business and applying for jobs is a full time job in itself, let alone allowing time for learning new technologies etc. I have to work on my business because it’s the ONLY thing that’s bringing in any extra income. I am working with a business coach (on a skill swap situation) so she has really helped me.
My mental health is pretty shaky. I’m working really hard on my personal development and I’m SO much stronger than I used to be. That said, I am prone to the highs and lows of depression and anxiety can be crippling. I’ve tried to work in a part time job twice in the last year and been signed off by the doctor both times due to my mental health I HATE this but I have a chronic condition and need to be able to deal with it.
I’ve been declined PIP and ESA payments which would help. They’re pretty much declining everyone so no surprise there but I have medical reports and letters from loads of people supporting my claim for assistance due to my mental health. I’m not even sure I’d be able to cope working full time, but I would like to be able to try!
a full time minimum wage job wouldn't pay enough to allow me to live - especially as I’m restricted on hours and area where I can work. I’m better off as I am and not stressing about the kids getting to and from school and childcare over weekends etc.

CONCLUSION
I’m an intelligent women who’s been working since I was 15 (apart from time off to have my babies) up until 2012 when I went to uni.
I have a recent First in a modern degree from a good university.
I am able to travel (within reason) and live in a city built on technology and industry - there are jobs everywhere.
I do have a minimum salary requirement, but only due to having a family to support not because I’m being a prima donna!
I don’t want to rely on benefits to live - I want to work and earn.
I can’t seem to earn enough in a basic job to enable me to live.
I’m getting further into debt every week when I don’t bring money in because I can’t afford to pay for everything, every week.
My mental health is pretty shaky which affects how I am now and possibly how I will be in a full time role but I can’t get any financial help in this area.

******* EDIT *******

TL;DR

Q. Do I carry on with my business and be skint for as long as it takes to earn a decent salary or do I give up and get a full-time job? Potentially things might drastaically improve in the next six months but I've been in the same situ for 8 months already.

Q. I've struggled to get into full time employment in my field so do I just apply for anything or try and stick to web dev, if I decide to get a job?

Q. If I'm going to apply for jobs, when do I do this? I have projects in the pipeline and my business clients are my only extra income at the moment so I don't know how to fit this all in.

************** SECOND EDIT **************

DECISION MADE!

I'm going to carry on with the business. There are many exciting projects and opportunities coming up in my business over the next six months and it has REAL potential to take off. Doing what I love and what I want in a job is very important to me and my mental health, and working from home allows me to spend as much time as I can with my kids. It also allows me to work around my health problems, but I can still work more or less to full capacity during these times during the evenings etc.

The problem is that there is a shortfall in my personal income of about £100 per week at the moment and this is the stumbling block. I need an income source to cover this that doesn't require too much work, time or effort so as to not affect my mental health or impact on my full-time business. This is where I need to spend some time and put this into place asap and have been given lots of ideas in this thread.

The list so far comprises:

- Babysitting
- rent driveway space (need to look into this with social housing)
- car wrapping
- dog walking
- digital ads on my blog
- school run childcare for other parents
- building PCs
- people per hour
- looking into grants for charities to fund their website (more mid-term solution)
- code clubs for kids (more mid-term solution)

Excellent work! Thanks again to everyone for your help and taking the time to help me today.

Teapot55

You sound like an amazingly brave person who is doing all the right things.

It might be worth making another post on the Benefits & Tax Credits sub-forum http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=139 asking specifically if there is anything you have overlooked that you could claim. (There are some very knowledgeable people who use this website).

Ditto maybe for some of the forums listed under Essential Money, just asking one question at a time.

This post you have made will be useful for those who want to consider the bigger picture.

System

If the business isn't turning a profit are you better off ditching it and just doing a basic job of any kind with overtime?

And since bankruptcy (I think) is a way of defaulting on things and messing up your credit file, you could just default on unsecured debt without the bankruptcy, in doing so you might be able to raise the fee to go bankrupt without missing the rent

Beware the cost if commuting, which you pay from your taxed income - it's not always worth pursuing higher income if you're means tested either

Maybe you can live in a smaller property?
Maybe you're better off completely ont dole?
Is it worth going "oop north" for the cheap property?

AngelPie78

Thanks so much for your reply. I never know how much to write cos I don't know how much people need to know.

I'll go and do that though so thank you x

AngelPie78

MatthewAinsworth wrote: »

If the business isn't turning a profit are you better off ditching it and just doing a basic job of any kind with overtime?

And since bankruptcy (I think) is a way of defaulting on things and messing up your credit file, you could just default on unsecured debt without the bankruptcy, in doing so you might be able to raise the fee to go bankrupt without missing the rent

Beware the cost if commuting, which you pay from your taxed income - it's not always worth pursuing higher income if you're means tested either

Maybe you can live in a smaller property?
Maybe you're better off completely ont dole?
Is it worth going "oop north" for the cheap property?

My credit is totally screwed anyway and I pay very little back so I'm in the best situation there. I have a meter on my TV through Buy As You View when I bought my fridge and oven so I have to pay that (only six months to go!) and the other debt is a loan my daughter got me to get me out of a pickle last year so I have to pay that.

I have no option to move unfortunately. I share custody with my ex-husband for the kids half of each week so I have to stay within three miles of his house and their school as part of the custody agreement. I would move to Dubai if I could! Plenty of jobs and a great way of life but I wouldn't be able to take the kids. My rent is half of a private property of the same size in my areas as it's social housing AND I get HB for half of the rent so it's only £200 a month for a three bed. Couldn't get anywhere like that anywhere else, but it's something I've considered.

God, I would HATE to be on the Dole but I think I might be better off! Only thing is you have to apply for a certain number of jobs, travel and work for free etc etc but I am SO restricted because of the kids and lack of transport/childcare. I've been to the Job Centre and they were less than useless.

But thanks for trying!

bugslet

I might be reading this wrongly, so excuse me if I have the wrong end of the stick.

I share custody with my ex-husband for the kids half of each week

Does that mean he has them with him for three or four days and then you have them for three or four days a week?

Is there anything you can do in those days when he has them, even if it means working a cleaning job, an office job and waitressing in the evening? Then the days you have them, you can focus on your business as well. Even if it isn't creating enough money as a stand alone, on top of other earnings it might be a nice little top up.

AngelPie78

bugslet wrote: »

I might be reading this wrongly, so excuse me if I have the wrong end of the stick.

I share custody with my ex-husband for the kids half of each week

Does that mean he has them with him for three or four days and then you have them for three or four days a week?

Is there anything you can do in those days when he has them, even if it means working a cleaning job, an office job and waitressing in the evening? Then the days you have them, you can focus on your business as well. Even if it isn't creating enough money as a stand alone, on top of other earnings it might be a nice little top up.

Absolutely - we have them three nights each a week and every other weekend.

I am on the same wavelength and have tried to work part time on those days and then got signed off sick by my doctor as my stress levels and blood pressure went uber high and I was nearly hospitalised! I lasted three months in one job and two months in the other. One was working part time in a shop and the other as a pizza delivery driver. The other issue was that they were shifts so I ended up working when I had the kids so I would have to pay for childcare and then not see the kids - bearing in mind I only have them three evenings a week. If I could find a job that would only let me work when I didn't have the kids, then that might be ok but not sure what job that would be. I can only work two full days/evenings and then the rest would be three school hour days. But would need to be set hours AND more than I make now from the business.

Or do I just do that and then not working at the business? But then that's just giving me enough money to break even and I'm just existing with no possibility of getting a promotion, moving forward or earning any money.

It's cause working part time doesn't really make me that much better off so I also have to work on my business. Working part time in a job, then full time on the business, having the kids and managing a house is just too much for my fragile mental health I wish I was stronger and able to cope but it's not happening.

sangie595

AngelPie78 wrote: »

My credit is totally screwed anyway and I pay very little back so I'm in the best situation there. I have a meter on my TV through Buy As You View when I bought my fridge and oven so I have to pay that (only six months to go!) and the other debt is a loan my daughter got me to get me out of a pickle last year so I have to pay that.

I have no option to move unfortunately. I share custody with my ex-husband for the kids half of each week so I have to stay within three miles of his house and their school as part of the custody agreement. I would move to Dubai if I could! Plenty of jobs and a great way of life but I wouldn't be able to take the kids. My rent is half of a private property of the same size in my areas as it's social housing AND I get HB for half of the rent so it's only £200 a month for a three bed. Couldn't get anywhere like that anywhere else, but it's something I've considered.

God, I would HATE to be on the Dole but I think I might be better off! Only thing is you have to apply for a certain number of jobs, travel and work for free etc etc but I am SO restricted because of the kids and lack of transport/childcare. I've been to the Job Centre and they were less than useless.

But thanks for trying!

What are you expecting the Job Centre to do? You "have" to earn £18k at least, you "must" be able to work around your children, and you don't have an marketable skills but expect to get a job in "your sector" - despite, as you confirm yourself, having neither the skills nor the experience to do so. And you'd "probably be better off on the dole" but they would unreasonably expect you to apply for jobs!


The barriers to employment are being set by yourself here. You are not the only single parent in the country, and the only way to move forward is to get down to removing those barriers and making your expectations more realistic. And part of that includes the fact that there are two parents here, and the other is not that far away - they must pull their weight in terms of arrangements for the children.


The only way this will work out is if you get a full-time job, and manage your finances better. You clearly do have income - you aren't claiming JSA yet, you don't qualify for ESA, and you can't be living on thin air. I assume there are working tax credits, maintenance payments, housing benefit etc? It might be nice to have £18k income, but if that is not realistic then you must cut your cloth accordingly. You must learn to manage within your means, and if that means going without things that you want, then that must be what you do.


I am not saying this out of any lack of sympathy for your situation. But there is only one way of getting out of this situation, and that is down to you. People do manage on much less, because they must. And right now, so must you. Bankruptcy might "solve" some of your debts for now, but you will simply be back in the same place unless you do something about it now. You need to take a job - any job - and get experience and work your way up. And you have obviously got some "grit" about you to have got this far, so apply that to working and be prepared to do what it takes. If you do that, it will take time, but you can dig yourself out and look for things to improve in the future.

comeandgo

What are you doing regarding your mental health? If you are stressing so much it ain't working. Go to your doctor and ask for help to get you on an even keel for working.

AngelPie78

comeandgo wrote: »

What are you doing regarding your mental health? If you are stressing so much it ain't working. Go to your doctor and ask for help to get you on an even keel for working.

Yep I see her every two months and take daily anti-depressants and supplements. I try to take care of myself but it's difficult in the current situation. I was having kinesiology and clinical hypnotherapy which were really helping but they're expensive so had to give up. I'm working on my personal development, meditation, reading, relaxing as much as possible. I've been Sectioned before so trying to keep it all together! Thanks

System

Breaking even with the business isn't enough, it must give you at least NMW to be worth continuing

I think when the situation improves so will health a bit