Really need someone to listen. Trigger warning

Jenniefour

TBagpuss wrote: »

OP, I agree with those saying that your own counsellor is best places to help you. However, you may also find it helpful to speak to someone with experience in working with victims of domestic abuse - it sounds as though this was an abusive relationship and one where you have allowed yourself to believe the old chestnut about your spouse's violence being your fault, because you provoked him.

I'm curious as to why you might think OP's counsellor is unable to deal with the issues of domestic abuse. This is an area that is a normal part of the standard curriculum in training, along with other areas of abuse and serious relationship issues. If a counsellor sees a client with issues outside the limits of their competence then they are required, by their own codes of ethics, to disclose that at the outset and make the appropriate referral.

foreverentwined

Thank you so much for replying, I wasn't expecting it and it has helped.

My counsellor is good, he echoes that it was abusive etc. However I recognise I was also abusive in some ways - controlling, nagging etc.

Today going through the bag of stuff from his van (the garage who recovered the van gave me a bag of his belongings) I found 4 wage slips hidden in a tool bag. Definitely hidden, somewhere nobody would look or think to look. One wage slip was from this year, the month I kicked him out, and I know he used this to rent his room. The other three were from Aug, Sep and Oct 2016.

He obviously knew they were there as he chose to hide this year's wage slip with them. He must have purposely taken them out of the filing cabinet and hidden them. But why? Was he planning to leave and required 3 months wage slips

And if so, the last wage slip was Oct 2016 - so was he planning to leave Oct/Nov? Why didn't he?

This makes me think he didn't love me and was planning to leave. It adds up to his "escape fund" he mentions in his note (the £1200 cash).

But then why not leave? Either then, or at any point this year?

My counsellor thinks he had paranoia - in his mind if he left he'd never see the kids again, so it was all or nothing.

My counsellor also says that even if I continually threatened to report him to the police for his violence (or in DHs mind, "lies") it's not enough to kill yourself over, its an excuse.

I'm so confused, so upset.