Missy's spend £10 a week on groceries get the house sorted & hit this debt hard diary

greenbee

I don't know about you, but it's miserable and grey outside which doesn't help. I took my laptop back to bed this morning to deal with email. I've now had breakfast (ate too much as I was ravenous for some reason) and CBA to do any work or go for the run I need to go for...

Hiddenidenity

Chin up Missy you're doing fab, have a read back and see how much you've achieved x

117pauline

Hi Missy

OK time for reframing

You say ONLY £50
I say GREAT 5 weeks shopping

You say NOT £200 that is needed
I say GREAT just £150 more

SUCCESS As we have encouraged you to do, an extra NEW good habit each week

The weather has quite a demotivating effect. But just imagine how you will feel once you are really back in control again.

Small steps still get there in the end

Have a good week
Pauline

missymoo81

Thanks Pauline, and hidden and Greenbee. I do appreciate your posts. And I know I'm just being negative, PMT, the rubbish weather and loneliness seem to be playing havoc with my mood! Will hopefully feel back on track tomorrow, as have no time to dwell as back at work.

I know why I'm feeling this way, it's because I now seem to have endless time on my own. Which is fine when OH is here or when friends are free, but other days I'm just on my own. When it's all evening too I just get a bit bored of my own company! Have been thinking about options all morning. Now my job is ok, pays well but is very boring and I sit in my own office bored to tears. I used to love working in a school but didn't like to be stuck to school holidays for holidays etc. Now my thought process has been a bit like this. Do I get another day at work, earn extra pennies, which i don't necessarily need to be honest, (this month is just a one off super tight one.) and also if have to pay for another after school club and would also be taxed as would be over the tax threshold. Or should I volunteer in my local school for 1-2 days a week. Or get s job as a dinner lady as they need one, along side my other job, but would mean bitty days and OH would be cross if we didn't have a full day together when he's home..... Arrrghhhh mind is working overtime. I just can't be this bored and lonely... I've thought about studying, but what in?! That's just filling the time on my own which isn't really the answer. Sorry to put my ramblings out there, I'm just a bit at a loss, and can't speak to Oh as he is on nights with no comms!!!! Which again doesn't help the loneliness!

greenbee

Can you change your job so you work your hours across more days but shorter? I know it's more commuting, but it means you're out of the house every day for a bit, and have time to drop off and pick up so the childcare costs don't increase (in fact, they may go down and offset the increased commuting costs).

Do you like the work you do and the people you work with? If yes, then try to find a solution round this. If not, then think about what you would like to do and start working towards getting a job you'll find more rewarding.

In the meantime, can you find some activities to do during the day that don't cost you anything? If you have friends who are also at home during the day how about arranging to go for a short walk on the days you're not working. A chat while out in the fresh air may help. Or coffee and a chat at someone's house rather than out where it costs money and involves cake (I walked over to see a neighbour and have a coffee and chat earlier as I wasn't able to focus on work).

It sounds like combatting the loneliness is the important thing, particularly with OH away so much.

missymoo81

greenbee wrote: »

Can you change your job so you work your hours across more days but shorter? I know it's more commuting, but it means you're out of the house every day for a bit, and have time to drop off and pick up so the childcare costs don't increase (in fact, they may go down and offset the increased commuting costs).

Do you like the work you do and the people you work with? If yes, then try to find a solution round this. If not, then think about what you would like to do and start working towards getting a job you'll find more rewarding.

In the meantime, can you find some activities to do during the day that don't cost you anything? If you have friends who are also at home during the day how about arranging to go for a short walk on the days you're not working. A chat while out in the fresh air may help. Or coffee and a chat at someone's house rather than out where it costs money and involves cake (I walked over to see a neighbour and have a coffee and chat earlier as I wasn't able to focus on work).

It sounds like combatting the loneliness is the important thing, particularly with OH away so much.

Thank you for the lovely post. I have thought of that but I commute nearly an hour each way, which isn't viable for a 4 hour day which is what I would end up doing to fit it into a school day. Which means I would have to work 4 days instead of 2 which is a lot more petrol money and lots more miles on the car. I really like the people I work with but I don't see them much as sit in my own office and my work is rather stressful and boring, but I am extremely well paid, I get paid more for 2 full days than I did working 5 days in a school. I'm not much of a social butterfly and to be honest only have 3 good friends, and they all work so meeting up is few and far between, and the mums at the school I am friendly with, work and have you her children so are often at clubs with them and I wouldnt really call them friends. It is the loneliness that is the problem. But it is for only half of the time which is the difficult thing.

Hiddenidenity

Do school need someone to listen to early readers etc? My kids school are always asking for helpers, had I not got the job I have now I 100% would have done volunteering. Just because its some communication. I love that work gives me that chance to have a conversation.

Alot of the parents here go to the Salvation army (its 50p for toast and a cuppa) but it's someone to talk too and help out.

I think if you'd struggle to match the wage even on a 5 day week maybe changing job isn't the best idea and it would cause worry over finances. Then maybe even 1 or 2 mornings doing something at school might give you a boost of the communication and feeling like you're helping the kids school in a way too.

I totally understand though and I feel exactly the same now it's winter. It's a damn long day and evening with only yourself for company or sleeping smalls.

I don't have friends I can have a brew with or invite here for a cuppa etc so it's just me and the kids.

missymoo81

Thanks for the understanding hidden, shame we don't live closer we could have had a cuppa. Going to give things a lot more thought.

greenbee

Work options:
1. look for a similar job closer to home.
2. ask about more hours but with a couple of days working from home (doesn't solve the loneliness but will keep you busy and give you extra cash)
3. ask to be moved out of your office or to have someone move in with you
4. ensure that you arrange to have coffee/lunch with others every day (social interaction is a reason why a lot of people don't give up smoking at work!)

Actually, I probably should have put these in the opposite order

Home options:
1. give yourself a project to work on - doing up a room, restoring a piece of furniture, making over part of the garden - with the aim of completing it by the time OH is back. And only doing it during school hours
2. Find a second job working from home that will keep you busy during school hours a couple of days a week. I know hex has one of those that she refers to as 'tedious' but it gives her hours when she's between contracts and she keeps it ticking over the rest of the time. (and you could put the money towards a heated airer and the electricity to run it )

Other options:
1. look for voluntary work nearby - not just in the school, as different volunteering would give you a different social circle.
2. find out about local community cafes/coffee mornings. We have a regular weekly cafe in the village hall which is a great way to meet people. And get volunteered for stuff like the village fete/am dram group/fundraisers
3. join a choir (ours is monday lunchtimes) or bookgroup or fundraising group that meets during school hours
4. find a running or walking group. You don't have to make friends with these people, but you might, and at least you'd see a few people and have a chat.

I work from home full time, so getting out and meeting people is important for me. I was stuck earlier, so walked to see a neighbour who gave me a coffee while I caught up on the village gossip. I go to local pilates classes on Monday and Wednesday - I'm not friends with any of the people at the classes, but know them enough to be able to chat if we bump into each other in the next town/library/my village, and I go to the village cafe any thursday morning I'm free. Other than that I make a significant effort to see at least one friend face to face each week, but like you I don't have many close friends and few of them live within easy reach. I went out for a walk and supper last week, met someone in London yesterday, and have arranged a walk with someone else next Saturday. I try to go to the cinema occasionally too.

I know it's harder with the kids, but hopefully you can work something out around them. E.g. bookgroup on a Friday once a month where the kids all come too and then you take them home in PJs and they have a lie-in (hopefully!) on saturday.

Sometimes you just have to force yourself into doing these things and then gradually things fall into place.

In the meantime, if you're sitting at home procrastinating, go for a walk or do one nasty job (if you're like me you'll have a list of stuff you're ignoring!).

missymoo81

Thank you Greenbee, such a lovely long informative post, Am reading through and taking notes and seeing what I can do X