Working with a shift worker in the family

[Deleted User]

Does anyone feel 'stuck' because their partner works shifts?

I'm in a bit of a mood. I had a phone interview with a Big 4 firm for a consultancy job. I was the only one they wanted to see for a one-to-one interview out of all the candidates they spoke to.

BUT - I live with a shift worker. I can't do it. I can't do the job. It would involve mid-week travel to clients and a lot of commuting into London.

My wife works in A&E, she works a couple of night shifts a month and a few days a week 'day' shifts.

I work from home in IT consultancy. Pay is pretty decent, but career progression is slow because you're never in the office. I tend to travel to clients one or two days a month.

I'm ideally placed - I can drop the kids off at school in the morning while my knackered wife sleeps of the day shift (finishes at 8.30pm). I'm around when she's on nights to look after the kids and sort them out in the morning and evening.

But I can't leave this job. I'm stuck. There's very few work from home jobs around.

Anyone else stuck in this peculiar rut? Just feeling a bit miffed that I'm dropping yet another career opportunity because of our family setup.

mac.d

Sorry I can't commiserate from being in a similar position, but you should try not to feel miffed. Unfortunately, having your choices limited is just one of the things you have to deal with when you choose to have children. You're not stuck just because your partner works shifts, you are both somewhat restricted because you have kids and want to bring them up as best you can (i.e. by being around to take them to school etc).

If there's no way round it, if your wife can't try and change shifts for example, instead of feeling stuck, try and think how fortunate your are being able to work from home with pretty decent pay. A lot of people have to rely on friends & family or pay for after school care etc as they are in low-paid jobs and can't get any room to manoeuvre. Or they're both in jobs that require shifts and have to work their hours in reverse so there is someone there for the kids but they rarely get to spend any time together.

What's more important to you? Your family or career progress? Obviously it'd be better if you could have both, but maybe a slight shift in your perception might stop you feeling 'stuck'. Sorry, hope you can get something sorted, it's not a nice feeling.

Xbigman

Having someone working shifts is actually an advantage in child care because you can split the childcare between you. If you have two parents working at the same time you would be looking at paying for childcare. A scenario where one works shifts and another works from home is childcare heaven. Don't knock it.



Darren

sangie595

I'd agree. Now you are seeing how the other (usually female) half lives. It's not fair, is it? And I'm not being sarcastic, but this is why it is impossible to have two wage earners in a lot of families - the right type of employment patterns are hard to find and difficult to match.

[Deleted User]

sangie595 wrote: »

I'd agree. Now you are seeing how the other (usually female) half lives. It's not fair, is it? And I'm not being sarcastic, but this is why it is impossible to have two wage earners in a lot of families - the right type of employment patterns are hard to find and difficult to match.

I have a very high earning potential and it's being wasted. Sadly it isn't quite enough to replace my wife's wage, so we're a bit stuck in jobs neither of us really like anymore. She's also to risk averse for me to go contacting.

I guess I'll have to wait until my 40s to try to kick off my career again. I don't think many big 4 opportunities will come along then though.

TELLIT01

Xbigman wrote: »

Having someone working shifts is actually an advantage in child care because you can split the childcare between you. If you have two parents working at the same time you would be looking at paying for childcare. A scenario where one works shifts and another works from home is childcare heaven. Don't knock it.



Darren

It's not an advantage if one partner has to be away from home for part of the week and the other can't adjust their shifts to be there when the kids need them.
That said, having kids is a lifestyle choice and there are pro's and con's to most choices we make in life.
I'm not joking when I ask if the OP has considered a live-in nanny? The Accounts manager at one place I worked claimed that it was a very cost effective way of looking after the kids compared with the extended day-care she would have had to pay for.

PasturesNew

If you earn so much, find a way to buy in the cover you need.

milliemonster

Yes, my hubby had to put his life on hold for years as I was a shift worker, now our youngest is 14 he has finally been able to further his career as have I, it's all part of the sacrifices you have to make when you have a family unfortunately

bugslet

Ringo, this is said with much love, get over yourself man.

You chose to have kids, kids erode your earnings because at least one of you has to be around. Everyone knows that.

I chose not to have kids so in the fledgling years of my business I could work the bonkers hours needed to build it up. Now I've got work but diddly squat in the way of family, but that was my choice.

Look at what you've got, not what you haven't.


Mwah!

ERICS_MUM

Get an au pair or nanny.

getmore4less

My wife works in A&E, she works a couple of night shifts a month and a few days a week 'day' shifts.

if it is anything like our A&E, they are so desperate, that they will work around your work patterns as long as you get some visibility, a week most of the time more if possible.

Unless your big(1of4) work weekends she can move some shift to those days.

the other options will be she considers changing departments within the hospital that can accomodate a more flexable work pattern or she goes bank so she only takes work that fits in with yours.

Don't you have a support network amongst the parents to help plug gaps?


Rather than give up look at what your work patterns would be and see if there is a solution that fits.