Divorce/mortgage/Debts/Kids

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Sadly my husband has decided to leave. We have a lot of financial difficulties and he is unhappy and has decided to leave. He will leave with literally nothing but the clothes in his wardrobe, he doesn't even have a job so no income. Its not good. Its not what I want for him but he feels a clean break from me will improve his life.

I don't really want him to leave, but I will be better off financially (if you just look at the monthly outgoings) and we have two young children to think of. He wants to leave with nothing. He wants nothing from the house (that we have only been able to afford interest only mortgage and we haven't been able to re-mortgage because of lack of income and growing debts) and will take his debts with him. He will not pay towards the house and doesn't want to be bought out. I have brought in most of the income over the years (In his defense he has tried to set up businesses but nothing has ever worked out) and have been propped up by my parents month after month, its been quite humiliating. He has, in a round about way, refused to get a job, basically saying he wont be happy and it wont last. Of course, he could change his mind about these things and then its a different story...

Because of the lack of income and failed businesses, he has debts in his name, I have some in mine and some joint. He is talking about going bankrupt but I have asked him to reconsider as from what I understand, we will loose the house and neither of us want this for the kids. I just want to pay my debts (albeit a long time).

Where is the best place to get advise.... on everything??!! I need to know what will happen to our house - can I take it on myself? I wont get a mortgage on my own though. I have debts to pay. I desperately want to avoid it, but I may need to ask family for financial help (they have no idea how bad our situation is). Could they come in on my mortgage? Should I buy him out (although then he will get some of his debts paid and I'm left struggling and paying for everything else.) I couldn't sell and buy another house as there is basically nothing cheaper. How will I pay off my debts? How will he pay off his debts?

I want to ask him to give me 6 months/year to sort myself out as I will have to straighten finances, tax credits, possibly take on more work (I do only work part time as son is only 3), and the most important thing... ensure the kids are well looked after. But there doesn't seem time for this.

Its all very fresh, and there are lots of questions to what seems to be a very complicated situation. :(

Comments

  • Caroline_a
    Caroline_a Posts: 4,071 Forumite
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    As you say lots of questions, and there are different places to look for answers. Separation and divorce questions often answered on Wikivorce

    Financial stuff relating to benefits etc can be found on the Benefits section on here, and advice can be given.

    Regarding your mortgage, there is a section here on House Buying which may be helpful too.
  • lika_86
    lika_86 Posts: 1,779 Forumite
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    Is there any equity in your house?


    If so it might be better to sell the house and rent instead, if you're on an interest-only mortgage then you aren't paying off the capital each month so without a plan to pay off the house at the end, you might be better being rid of it, using any equity to pay down debt and then rent instead.


    It sounds like he's depressed and needs help to see a way to sort this out. Is there a family member/friend who he can talk to or who can talk to him and help him out a bit in terms of working out the best way forward?
  • unholyangel
    unholyangel Posts: 16,863 Forumite
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    He has, in a round about way, refused to get a job, basically saying he wont be happy and it wont last.

    Sorry to say this but your husband sounds like he's still a child. Most people aren't working in their dream jobs (or it stopped being their dream job once they actually start working it and realise its not what they thought it would be), but they work none the less because they have bills to pay, kids to feed/clothe etc.

    Now having said that....I'd make an appointment with a debt advisor (our council have advisors you can see for free due to the number of people who were getting into debt, hopefully its the same all over!). Money is one of the most common causes of arguments between couples. Money worries can have a profound impact on us - affecting sleep, appetite, mood, motivation etc. It can also seem overwhelming at times but if you speak to people who have been through it, they'll tell you it wasn't as bad as they thought it was going to be and they're glad they did it. Debt advisors will go through your circumstances and discuss the various options with you (including any negatives/drawbacks of those options). Ideally, your husband will go with you although I appreciate you can't force him to.

    But presently, you have financial ties to each other. If he declares bankruptcy, it could significantly impact on your own circumstances. For instance the joint debts, you would likely end up as liable for the full amount. If there is any equity in the house (of which your husband would have a share), they could force the sale of the house (and if he were to try and sign it over to you to avoid it being sold, that would be an offence).

    There are 2 parts to a divorce. The divorce itself and also a financial separation. If he wants a clean break then he's going to need to do at least those 2 (although it really would benefit him to see the debt advisor with you). If he doesn't want to pay towards the house and doesn't want you to buy him out...what does he want? The only option left would be selling it to a stranger but that would indicate the relationship hasn't just broken down but that he has a strong dislike if not hate of you (which I suppose is possible given your other comment about him feeling a clean break away from you would improve his life). Not saying I think his dislike/hate is justified, just a divorce is so much easier if parties don't have that type of hostility towards each other/are able to look at the bigger picture.

    However I would perhaps point out to him that you have a child together (well, assuming you have a son together). Due to that, you are always going to be in each others lives (at least indirectly) so it would be in everyones interests if you can work things out now so you can be amicable for the many years to come and won't ever leave your child playing piggy in the middle for example when they are graduating, getting married, have kids of their own etc.
    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means - Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
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