Disagreement with OH

EssexHebridean

It's option 2 you want - keep paying that nice lump every month but also look to pay extra - stipulate that you want them to take it "off the capital balance - NOT the term"

If you asked your OH that straight question and that was his reply - seems to me that it's HIM not listening to you as it doesn't answer the question at all...

On the storage heaters - do some reading and really learn your way around them. Some stuiff we've found:
Heating the hallway in the centre of the buiding really helps keep everywhere warm.
we don't have our bedroom one on much at all unless it's seriously cold as we don't actually like a warm bedroom anyway
Check the weather forecast for the follow day religiously EVERY night and adjust the heaters accordingly.
Learn how the input and output settings actually work
Shut doors - we make a point of shutting the front room door in the evening during the winter as the heater in there lets most of its heat out later in the day so that means we get the most benefit.
Think about whether you need them on or whether a short blast with a separate heater might actually warm things up enough, during spring and autumn.

We've found that a small oil-filled radiator is relatively cheap to use and really heats a room well. They're quite cheap to buy and may be worth investment if you don't have one. Fan heaters are rubbish by comparison and seem to be more expensive to run.

A further thought on the storage heaters - have you checked that your electricity is definitely on economy 7 as it should be if you have these - you can tell from the number of readings your meter has - if it's 2 then double check that the storage heaters are definitely running off the second (cheap) rate.


LO's uniform - for the generic bits look to supermarkets - cheap as chips and I promise you it's only going to get trashed anyway! For "school specific" items ask the school whether they have an option to buy second hand - and if not try local Facebook buying & selling groups as someone might have littlies at the same school with stuff they want to shift.

Well done on getting the savings underway!

JourneyToSolvency

StopIt wrote: »

Yep, I'd go with option 2.


Get Money Transfer Card, smash into loan. Anything you get at 0% is interest saved and more importantly, not secured and will get your DFD sooner.

This is a great idea - assuming we can get 0% cards - just recently got one from OH to transfer his high APR CC's onto which has saved us quite a lot!

JourneyToSolvency

EssexHebridean wrote: »

We've found that a small oil-filled radiator is relatively cheap to use and really heats a room well. They're quite cheap to buy and may be worth investment if you don't have one. Fan heaters are rubbish by comparison and seem to be more expensive to run.

Are these safe around young children? I've been using just the gas fire and the fan heater in the front room - only storage heater I tend to use is the one in LO's bedroom. We seem to be using a hell of a lot of leccy though and I've no idea how - lights are all off, tv's currently off until OH gets home and puts his games console on. I work from home a lot so desktop does tend to be on most of the day.

sticky23

All the advice about consolidating is true - it doesn't work. And adding consumer debt to the mortgage is also a really bad idea. However, we are all forgetting something here: Your OH has been dealing with this on his own. He's said that he's good with money, and you've been happy to go along with it for years. Suddenly you come along and "butt" in, and tell him he's been doing it all wrong. You're hurting his pride, and he's getting defensive. For the sake of your marriage, you may want to do a little compromising. For example, tell him that you think consolidating is a good idea - If you keep paying the same amount off the mortgage as you are currently paying off loans/cards and mortgage. In this case £271 plus £505. Your SOA shows you'd still have £588 left over each month. Agree on cutting all the cards up, and don't take out any new loans. You'd have paid off the consumer debt by 2020, and be in the habit of over-paying the mortgage massively.. You could be mortgage free in 2026, if you kept it up.

You're not wrong about the consolidation, but being right isn't everything. Many, many couples split up over their finances. Don't be one of the statistics, and from now on, try and tackle this as a team. That means no blame for what has gone on in the past - even though he was wrong to consolidate twice..

JourneyToSolvency

sticky23 wrote: »

All the advice about consolidating is true - it doesn't work. And adding consumer debt to the mortgage is also a really bad idea. However, we are all forgetting something here: Your OH has been dealing with this on his own. He's said that he's good with money, and you've been happy to go along with it for years. Suddenly you come along and "butt" in, and tell him he's been doing it all wrong. You're hurting his pride, and he's getting defensive. For the sake of your marriage, you may want to do a little compromising. For example, tell him that you think consolidating is a good idea - If you keep paying the same amount off the mortgage as you are currently paying off loans/cards and mortgage. In this case £271 plus £505. Your SOA shows you'd still have £588 left over each month. Agree on cutting all the cards up, and don't take out any new loans. You'd have paid off the consumer debt by 2020, and be in the habit of over-paying the mortgage massively.. You could mortgage free in 2026, if you kept it up.

You're not wrong about the consolidation, but being right isn't everything. Many, many couples split up over their finances. Don't be one of the statistics, and from now on, try and tackle this as a team. That means no blame for what has gone on in the past - even though he was wrong to consolidate twice..

I've not blamed him - whilst I don't know where all that money has gone I'm pretty sure he's used it to keep us afloat for the past 4/5 years. I'm as much to fault as he is, I'm just frustrated he feels like we can carry on as we are "because we're managing to pay it every month". The total amount doesn't seem to shock him the way it does me.

Do you really think putting consumer debts onto our mortgage (some of which are at 0%) is a good idea? Maybe I've got the sums wrong and we'd be better off - idk?

JourneyToSolvency

Oh and the debt consolidation remortgage would only cover 14k of that debt - so not possible to throw everything at the mortgage I'm afraid. I suppose if we did it and threw the 14k at the loan we'd pay less interest.

sticky23

JourneyToSolvency wrote: »

I've not blamed him - whilst I don't know where all that money has gone I'm pretty sure he's used it to keep us afloat for the past 4/5 years. I'm as much to fault as he is, I'm just frustrated he feels like we can carry on as we are "because we're managing to pay it every month". The total amount doesn't seem to shock him the way it does me.

Do you really think putting consumer debts onto our mortgage (some of which are at 0%) is a good idea? Maybe I've got the sums wrong and we'd be better off - idk?

You may not have blamed him verbally, but you're telling him that what he's been doing for years is wrong. I'm just saying that you're quite possibly making him feel like he's not providing properly for his family. Men usually don't like being told they're wrong.. It's been his territory for years - Imagine if he started telling you, that you've been feeding your child wrong (Or something similar - maybe he's the one feeding your child )

This isn't just a matter of doing the sums - you're absolutely right about the sums. This should be a decision about what's right for your family. Some of your debt is at 0%, some of it is on really high interest. Incidentally, I wouldn't recommend consolidating the student loan, if it's with the student loan company - you only need to pay that off if you're working, and if not, it will eventually get written off.

I'm sorry if I'm not helping your decision - I'm just saying that if this causes resentment, it could end up costing you much more money than consolidating. But let's be clear - if you do end re-mortgaging, you both need to be clear that borrowing more is out of the question...

EssexHebridean

JourneyToSolvency wrote: »

I've not blamed him - whilst I don't know where all that money has gone I'm pretty sure he's used it to keep us afloat for the past 4/5 years. I'm as much to fault as he is, I'm just frustrated he feels like we can carry on as we are "because we're managing to pay it every month". The total amount doesn't seem to shock him the way it does me.

Do you really think putting consumer debts onto our mortgage (some of which are at 0%) is a good idea? Maybe I've got the sums wrong and we'd be better off - idk?

It's NOT a good idea. You're heading in the right direction here - "persuade" him to let you have a go at running things your way for a year and then suggest a review. Your job is to make enough of an impact in that time that he can see the benefits.

Storage heaters can be great - we ONLY use gas for cooking, everything else is electric. Currently I pay £37 a month for electric and we emerged from the winter in credit. (1.50 a month in gas!) :A;) No kids with us so you could expect that bill to be a little higher but nowhere near what you're paying. Taking control of the readings is key, as is finding out whether you're on the right tariff - get all the details to hand and sign up to the MSE cheap energy club. Remember if you use little gas to check the individual costs as well as dual fuel.

Do some reading about the storage heaters - seriously - after all you've got several months to research before you need to put things into practice! As for the oil-filled rads - I can't see that they're any less safe than fan heaters to be honest - they don't get blazingly hot. The only thing I'd say is make sure that everyone knows not to drape anything over the top of them.

IMO Sticky is right to say that you need to be cautious about resentment creeping in but absolutely, 100% wrong to suggest that consolidation is the right way forward for you. Your OH is, with the best will in the world, someone who should EVER be allowed to consolidate again! In short - what you're saying is correct, but you may need to think carefully about HOW you say it to OH!

JourneyToSolvency

Just been on the phone to Student Finance (surprisingly quicker and more helpful than they've been in the past!) my debt with them is an over payment that I'm trying to get paid off - I just rang to double check it definitely was interest free and it is

So I think my plan is to throw absolutely everything I can at these catalogues (reckon I can pay them off by Oct/Nov) then start overpaying that loan (with or without 0% cards). I'm going to speak to OH tonight and try and explain it better in figures, putting 0% finance onto a mortgage seems ludicrous to me, especially now I've had chance to talk it through with others.

Sorry sticky, I don't agree with you but I do appreciate that you're trying to help and I'll try and be more gentle with OH - I'm just frustrated I guess.

EssexHebridean - the leccy and gas is on EON saver fixed one year which OH recently switch it to from economy 7 or 8 I believe. It's fixed till next March and as we owe on it I don't think we can change can we?

sticky23

JourneyToSolvency wrote: »

Just been on the phone to Student Finance (surprisingly quicker and more helpful than they've been in the past!) my debt with them is an over payment that I'm trying to get paid off - I just rang to double check it definitely was interest free and it is

So I think my plan is to throw absolutely everything I can at these catalogues (reckon I can pay them off by Oct/Nov) then start overpaying that loan (with or without 0% cards). I'm going to speak to OH tonight and try and explain it better in figures, putting 0% finance onto a mortgage seems ludicrous to me, especially now I've had chance to talk it through with others.

Sorry sticky, I don't agree with you but I do appreciate that you're trying to help and I'll try and be more gentle with OH - I'm just frustrated I guess.

I don't mind that you don't agree with me . I wouldn't consolidate 0% debt either. I still think consolidation can be right for some people - in very specific circumstances. I hope you and your husband agree on the best way forward for you. Money effects everything in our lives. It isn't just about sums, and life isn't just about being in the right. Relationships take hard work, respect, and compromise.