Desperate. No Money. Big Problems.

IAmWales

martinbuckley wrote: »

Does your wife not pay you maintenance - there's plenty of women in your position who would be getting a few quid from their ex-husband.

Spousal maintenance is pretty rare and normally only applies to high earners. Perhaps you are thinking of child maintenance?

John_In_Lincs

We have a good pet food supplier in town and their large bags of biscuits are very reasonably priced. They also have fresh (frozen) meat from the same place. It all works out more cheaply than buying the cheaper varieties in supermarkets.

Thankfully, my wife still pays for the dog food.

John.

patman99

John, you may well be able to get all your debts written off via a DRO. You would need to talk to either the Christian debt cahrity you are currently dealing with, or phone Stepchange. Costs £90, but you can include your energy arrears in the DRO.

If you know how to operate a lawn mower, then ask around to see if anyone wants you to cut their lawns for them.
Depending on your DIY skills, you could offer to do odd jobs in exchange for food (gets around the £111 earnings limit for ESA as food is not counted as income.

As for permitted work. Having had to ask myself a while back, I was told it was any job that was 15 hours and 59 minutes per week or less and earned me less than £111.25 per week.

So basically you can do anything so long as it is legal and fits in with their hours and earnings criteria (easy to achieve if doing cash in had stuff).

Depending on your insurance policy, how about asking the local takeaways if they are recruiting delivery drivers?. They tend to pay NMW, but you normally get to keep any tips, undelivered food and get a meal thrown-in every shift as well.

John_In_Lincs

Thanks patman99.

My doctor just put me on some medication for depression. It seems to be a fairly high dose too. It's Sertraline 100 mg. I just spent the last two days flat out on the sofa. I don't think I could do anything for a while. I hope these tablets wear in soon as they are making me so tired all the time.

I'm going for another lie down, then I will see if I can cycle into town.

I'm just not myself at the moment. Last week I found myself feeling more and more desperate. I had to see the doctor. I already had some antidepressants a few weeks ago but they made me feel suicidal. They were Citalopram. I phoned the 111 service and they advised me to stop taking them immediately as I was probably having one of their common side effects.

Last week was the worst though. The loneliness is one of the worst aspects.

John.

John_In_Lincs

So here I am. A new year and I thought I was slowly making progress. How does the expression go? Today is a good day, watch some 'so-and-so' spoil it.

I finally got myself off the anti-depressants. Third attempt and this time I feel better. I daren't tell my doctor as I understand the fact that I am taking anti-depressants somehow affords me some protection as a 'vulnerable person'.

I am now paying for my water rates and TV licence, but not my gas and electric as I cannot afford to. I am also paying council tax, but my rent is currently covered by benefits.

A few weeks ago, I started doing some door to door sales. It's'permitted work' and doesn't affect my ESA. It's going well too, but I am not getting a wage and it roughly makes me between £20 - £70 per month, depending on how well I do. This tops up my £73 per week ESA. I still have to hope that I can sell a few things on Ebay to survive.

My ex-wife still sends me money to feed the dogs, without which I wouldn't be able to feed them.

So, things are looking better. I will be attending a jobs fair in the coming days. Great! I should be just about back on my feet soon.

Now then, Sod's Law rules my life. Believe me, I can predict the future. If something is going right, then I need something to offset this. OK, so my phone rings this morning and the lady at the other end says I must attend a medical assessment tomorrow (now today, Tuesday). No letter received, nothing. Just this very short notice phone call. I was already having difficulty sleeping. Now I am a wreck again. Still, I don't want to go back on the anti-depressants if I can help it.

I can see what is going to happen. (I can predict the future, remember?) The medical team will find me fit for work, which I probably am, but I haven't found enough of my feet to get myself properly back on track. Either the Job Centre will get their evil claws in me and I will be forced to do as they say, or I kick them into touch and work for myself and try once again to claim Working Tax Credit (which failed last time), Well, NO, I am not going down the job centre route.

A great incentive for me to get my finger out and throw myself into work. The question is, am I shooting myself in the foot by becoming self-employed again? I will have as little as £20 every month to live on. This will grow, slowly perhaps. What if I don't get WTC?

The alternative is to claim sick again, which is partly a lie and I doubt I'd succeed anyway. I want to get things back to normal asap. (Remember, I live in a very small town and there is hardly any work here out of season.)

If my income goes up, I will have to start paying my debts. Fair enough. I know what I need to do, but I know this could go either way. It's safer to stay claiming ESA. I am trapped.

This is all so pathetic in the scheme of things, but my hands are tied. I cannot sleep as it is and I am worrying myself stupid. My memory is shocking. As I posted in another thread, I stood staring at a cup of hot tea on my kitchen worktop this morning, wondering who had made it. I must have done, but I couldn't remember. I am doing things like this all the time lately. Either it's the result of stress or I am in big trouble.

I'll sit back now and wait to see who tells me to pull myself together. My dad would have done. He would tell me to laugh it all off. If the weight of the world was on my shoulders, just tell it to go away and put on a smile. OK. Tried that.

I suppose I need to just 'do it' and see what happens. I am not one for sitting down and doing nothing, hoping that a problem will go away, but I really am back to my wit's end again. Which is the lesser of all the risks and evils?

Regards.

John.

FBaby

Hi John, I didn't realise when I started reading your thread that it was started a year ago. You've come a very long way since with your positive and get going attitude, even if it doesn't feel like it.

It's totally understandable that your confidence would take a knock at the prospect of being taken off ESA when you've just about manage to find some stability in your life. The scary part is that you must feel that just as you've managed to feel a bit more in control of your life, you are being put in a position when your life is under the control of others who are will see you as a number rather than a human being. It's tough.

However, as you've already experienced, sometimes what is most scary can turn out to be the kick start that we were afraid to take ourselves. As you've said, this could actually be the turn to you getting back into employment and finding that it is helping your confidence and then helping with your anxiety as you will then be more in control of your income.

I know it's very hard to do, but go with the flow and try to make the best of it as you've done so far because there is nothing you can do about the things you can't control.

My gut feeling is that this year will indeed be yours and you will finally turn a corner. You'll look back and see how getting to such a low in your life has made you stronger and more appreciative of the little things. Crossing my fingers that your appointment goes well either way.

Kevie192

I've been reading your threads with interest, and I'm happy to see you're making progress now.

If you feel well enough to take yourself off the anti-depressants, then are you well enough to work? If so, getting out there and working full time could make you feel an awful lot better about yourself and your situation.

If you're not ready for that, I'd question whether you were right to take yourself off the medication. You need to work with the GP and stop seeing the tablets as a negative. If you have a sore foot, you take painkillers. Taking medication for mental health is no different; you need to take them until such a time as the problems are resolved.

John_In_Lincs

Thank you FBaby and Kevie192.

I am not one to let things get me down (for too long!!) and always consider myself a fighter. My friends have always been surprised at how I bounce back. But I must confess, losing the love of my life last year was devastating. As mentioned, I lost almost everything but, thankfully, managed to hold on to my HA bungalow and my lovely dogs. It goes without saying, that the dogs are my best friends. They really have kept me going, plus the bungalow is in a nice, quiet part of town and it's really peaceful here.

I have been off the anti-depressants for about a month. Third time lucky. I failed the last two times as my moods were just dreadful. I found myself literally breaking down in tears everywhere.

I do feel stronger, but everything takes time and it's two steps forward, one back. I don't think I will fall back into depression again, but I can't be certain. Things do feel better at the moment - apart from this medical.

So, I wish I could have some hard figures about WTC. Last time I applied, I was turned down as they didn't consider I was working the required number of hours. Oh yes I absolutely was! Everything is a gamble today.

Thanks again.

John.