QUick divorce

andy_green

OK thanks it seems my wife is very volatile and one day she says this and the next she says that. I cannot clearly depend on her to sign any documents put in front of her. And if God forbid, her family get involved, we should be preparing for WW3. Now I will see a solicitor and will definitely ask some questions.

But I can also ask here. How do you sort out financials? For example pensions, insurances, accounts, deposits, property, cars even? I understand that obviously there must be some agreement from both parties as to who takes what, but how do you "draw a line" beyond which there can be no more claims, no "I have changed my mind" etc? I mean when are you really FREE?

Mojisola

andy_green wrote: »

But I can also ask here. How do you sort out financials? For example pensions, insurances, accounts, deposits, property, cars even?

I'm sorry to suggest this but, if your wife blocks the divorce for long enough, she will have it all - she doesn't have much incentive to co-operate.

Anything that's jointly owned will become hers.

As the widow, she will get the benefits from pension schemes, insurances, etc.

You could write a new will leaving anything you own as an individual to other people but she could contest that - she has a ready-made excuse in that she could claim your illness affected your judgment when you made the new will.

BrassicWoman

Ah, so it's you have broken you marriage vows...

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5667329

Afraid you will have to wait. Generally best to properly end one relationship before starting another unless you have an open relationship; I can see why your wife would resist giving you an easy out.

Fireflyaway

You seem concerned about hurting her feelings. Do you still love her? Seems sad to get divorced after 22 years. Your diagnosis probably has changed the way you behave together, its bound to be pretty stressful but is there not an alternative? What is your motive?

jackieblack

andy_green wrote: »

But I can also ask here. How do you sort out financials? For example pensions, insurances, accounts, deposits, property, cars even? I understand that obviously there must be some agreement from both parties as to who takes what, but how do you "draw a line" beyond which there can be no more claims, no "I have changed my mind" etc? I mean when are you really FREE?

You can submit a Consent Order detaling the financial agreement to the court once you have your Decree Nisi. The judge needs to be satisfied that the CO is 'fair' to both parties, (although there is quite alot of flexibility as to what might constitute 'fair'). Once the CO is approved it becomes binding as soon as the Decree Absolute is issued.

https://www.gov.uk/money-property-when-relationship-ends/apply-for-consent-order

Ozzuk

You can't have your cake and eat it, if you've met someone else and your wife doesn't want to divorce then you are likely stuck for a number of years. Not surprising she's volatile if she is aware of your actions.

Given your diagnosis, are perhaps her concerns centered around financial security - after all she has invested 22 years with you so might not want to see someone new get what she perceives as her entitlement. Maybe a better approach would be to work on the financial split, weighing it heavily in her favour (house, savings, pension, life insurance etc) and then she might be willing to agree to the divorce.

Otherwise it just sounds like (from what you've written) you're done with her and just considering the new partner and your life.

leespot

You want to divorce your wife, to marry your new partner, you then plan to bring a child into the world when, quite honestly, you won't be around to be a father to it, and from what you say you have a family already - and you're still surprised your wife is "having none of it"? Bonkers, must be a wind up surely.

TBagpuss

andy_green wrote: »

OK thanks it seems my wife is very volatile and one day she says this and the next she says that. I cannot clearly depend on her to sign any documents put in front of her. And if God forbid, her family get involved, we should be preparing for WW3. Now I will see a solicitor and will definitely ask some questions.

But I can also ask here. How do you sort out financials? For example pensions, insurances, accounts, deposits, property, cars even? I understand that obviously there must be some agreement from both parties as to who takes what, but how do you "draw a line" beyond which there can be no more claims, no "I have changed my mind" etc? I mean when are you really FREE?

Speak to your solicitor. However, your best bet to move things on is likely to be to start proceedings based on her 'unreasonable behaviour' as I suggested above. If she choses not to sign the acknowledgment than you can arrange for her to be personally serviced with the papers and go from there. But i would suggest that you consider giving her to option to divorce you, first.

Meanwhile, see a solicitor and make an up to date will. Make sure that the solicitor knows that you are married and seeking to divorce, and that you have a brain tumour. That way, they can advise you about what steps to take to reduce the risk of your will being sucessfully challenged (for instance, it may be appropriate to get your doctor to provide a certificate that you are mentally competent!)

Consider also having Powers of Attorney prepared, particularly if you would want your current partner, or other family members, rather than your wife, to be able to manage your affairs for you if you become unable to do so.

In relation to finances, if you can agree then you agree, and have the agreement drawn up as a consent order and approved by the court. Once the order is made by the court it can only be changed in very specific and unusual circumstances - for instance if it comes to light that one of you lied about your financial position, or where there is a fundamental change which could not have been reasonably foreseen (a 'bardour event') As the early death of one ex spouse can be a Bardour event (it was in the Badour case) it would be sensible to ensure that your solicitor is aware of your health and prognosis so that your ex can't argue that it was unforeseeable if you were to die shortly after the order being made.

If you can't reach agreement then there would be a process of negotiation, mediation and then court proceedings. This can be fairly time consuming so probably start sooner rather than later.

Meanwhile, consider whether you have pensions or other assets where you want to make changes to your preferred beneficiary.