QUick divorce

andy_green

Hello everyone, I am trying to fill in a divorce petition and it makes me blame my wife , I have no choice other than a multiple choice of "she is an adulterer" or "has behaved in such a way that I cannot live with her". Now we have sort-of agreed to do it amicably but if I use any of the two choices she has seen it and has flipped. So can I say that "I have behaved in such a way" ? It seems I have to blame her somehow and she will not have it. She actually does not want a divorce so the situation is ultra delicate. Now I do not want a prolonged thing where we both start a mud fight, there is 22 years of marriage so there is a lot of mud. I would gladly fill in the paper saying "I am the adulterer" "I have behaved in such a way". But this is not an option. Even if it were an option, would it then ask me for details?

richardw

Why do you want a quick divorce?

jackieblack

As you have discovered, if you are petitioning for the divorce, the reason would have to be her unreasonable behaviour or adultery, or desertion.

If the reason was your adultery, she would need to petition for the divorce. If she's not in agreement that is probably unlikely to happen.

The other choices are two years separation, but this requires her consent, otherwise five years separation, which is by no definition a quick divorce.

For a speedy divorce you will need to agree on the reasons for the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.
If she doesn't want the divorce that will obviously make it harder but whatever you put down as your reasons, if she doesn't want the divorce she can, by not responding in a timely manner, drag it out considerably.

In practical terms, if you want a 'quick' divorce, you're going to have to come to some agreement.

andy_green

I am suffering from brain cancer, I do not think I have 2 or 5 years. Sorry for being so blunt. Can I just mention that in the form somehow? Eg "I have brain cancer, I have become irritable, we fight like cats and dogs" ?

jackieblack

andy_green wrote: »

I am suffering from brain cancer, I do not think I have 2 or 5 years. Sorry for being so blunt. Can I just mention that in the form somehow? Eg "I have brain cancer, I have become irritable, we fight like cats and dogs" ?

Maybe worth a free half hour with a solicitor to see what your options are but basically whoever petitions for divorce, the other party is deemed to be at fault.

Fighting could be an example of unreasonable behaviour, but if she doesn't agree she could still drag it out.

Sorry about your diagnosis, but I don't know whether that would be of any relevance in terms of gaining a divorce.

Do you really need any extra stress/hassle at this time?

Could she argue that your judgement is impaired because of your diagnosis? (I'm not saying it is, just that it's possible she could try and use it to contest the divorce)

If you are determined, I think you could benefit from some proper legal advice due to your circumstances.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Why do you want to divorce her? If it's her not responding to your prognosis in a supportive way, then to hell with her opinion, do it on unreasonable behaviour. If your diagnosis has brought it home to you that you don't want to be married to her, then it doesn't matter what she thinks about it.

After all, she's already gone ballistic, it's not as if you can fix things by being all fluffy about it.


In the meantime, I'd suggest you make a new will and ensure somebody else is named as your next of kin. So you still need to see a solicitor, who could probably advise you on the divorce as well as this.

richardw

Sorry about your diagnosis.
Macmillan website may have suggestions for legal advice.

PeacefulWaters

andy_green wrote: »

I am suffering from brain cancer, I do not think I have 2 or 5 years. Sorry for being so blunt. Can I just mention that in the form somehow? Eg "I have brain cancer, I have become irritable, we fight like cats and dogs" ?

Would she lose anything if you divorce? Pension rights? Death in service benefits? Widows benefits?

Research and consider before divorcing and dying. You might be better remaining married but moving out.

silvercar

Sorry to hear your diagnosis.

Maybe marriage guidance counselling would be a good option.

TBagpuss

Unfortunately ou are falling foul of our outdated divorce laws.

You can't divorce her based on your behaviour. She could divorce you on that basis, and you could (if you wish) offer to contribute to her costs to do so.
You can start a divorce based on your own adultery, either.

If you prepare a petition based on her 'unreasonable behaviour' then the details you give don't need to be about inherently bad behaviour and can be quite vague. They can also be subjective.
so something like (depending on the situation)
"I felt that the Respondent was unsupportive of me following my diagnosis. This made me feel rejected" or "I felt that the Repondent was more interested in spending time with her friends than with me. This made me feel unloved and isolated"
You don't need any more than that. You can add 'I reserve the right to provide more detailed particulars should it become necessary' if you want.

It may help your wife if you speak to her to let her know that she does not have to agree that what you say in part 6 of the petition is accurate, all she has to do is say that she does not intend to defend the divorce.

It is difficult, but unfortunately unless you are willing / able to wait until you have lived apart for 2 years then one of you has to blame the other. But not in much detaiL!

onomatopoeia99

There was an attempt made a few years ago to reform divorce law to allow one year, no fault divorces without consent. Ultimately, the religionists blocked it in parliament and it didn't get through. As TBagpuss says, our divorce laws are outdated, terribly so IMO.

Make sure you make a will if you don't want intestacy rules to apply, and carry a next-of-kin card at all times if you don't want your wife to be the person the hospital talk to if you need treatment and are unable to nominate a NOK on admittance - the NOK of an adult has no legal status can't actually do anything, but they are the person the hospital informs about treatment.

Legal processes can sometimes be made to move quickly when time is short, for example Steve Hewlett (late of Radio 4) went from proposing to married in about an hour, despite the legal requirement for some weeks of notice beforehand and so on.