Reconciling with estranged family

Robisere

I have one remaining brother, much older than me, who had 5 daughters and two sons. I had another brother, 15 months older than middle bro. I always got on well with eldest bro, despite the big age difference, but had several problems with middle bro, mainly due to his "special" place in mother's eyes. Over the years, the eldest two fell out many times, while I just avoided conflict. Then one night it boiled over between them and a massive fight took place. Big bro won, but it was in front of middle bro's kids and it disgusted me when I heard about it: I love my nephews and nieces, always have. Some of them are much nearer my age than I am to their parents' ages! I stopped talking to both of them until one night we were all 3 in the same pub, I was with our dad. Because I was fed up with all this hurting my parents, I made them make up there and then, or neither dad or mum, or myself, would talk to them again. They got drunk together, dad and I went home.

Fast forward some years, big bro was dying with cancer, middle bro and I visiting him daily. He passed away and middle bro cried. Understandable, I thought, they grew up together before I came along.

FF more years, I moved away to another county. Middle bro and I were still not comfortable, never have been, his mouth always operates before brain gets into the act. I made the best of it, stayed civil, but most of his kids were not talking to him: if they needed advice, they asked me.

Then he had a stroke. I made one of my few journeys to see him and we were fine, probably better to each other than we had ever been. I went again a few months later and he was very bitter, dragging up the past and how big bro had beat him up all those years ago. His words: "I wish he was alive, so I could kill him!" I didn't fall out, made no response to that, just left and have no intention of going back. He has actually always been bitter like that, but getting into his 80's has made him worse.

Daft thing is, his 5 daughters are the closest sisters you could meet, they obviously love each other and meet up several times a month for a Girl's Night. I stay in touch with them on FB.

It's families, because everyone thinks you should be close, no one takes notice of the fact that you can be siblings who have entirely different natures.