Is this bullying or just plain rude?

fairy_lights

It just sounds like you haven't 'clicked' with them in the same way they have with each other.
Perhaps they all share interests you don't, or have known each other longer, or maybe because you think they're leaving you out you're coming accross as a bit distant?
Do you get involved in the organising of birthdays/nights out? If not they might think you're not interested.

warehouse

I had a health issue last year which meant I was off work for 2 months. They used facebook against me whilst I was off, (I dared to go into London on a weekend with the family). Now work and facebook/whatsapp/etc are completely separated.

Their loss OP, sounds like a coven of witches.

prowla

Well, the facebook thing has no place in the workplace.

If you feel you are being deliberately left out of activities or conversations at work, then it is bulling; it's about how the affected person feels.

There are some people who only value their day by whether they've been able to put somebody else down.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

prowla wrote: »

Well, the facebook thing has no place in the workplace.

If you feel you are being deliberately left out of activities or conversations at work, then it is bulling; it's about how the affected person feels.

What, so if I work in a team of five people and four of us get on great but the fifth is dull as ditchwater, we all have to add them as a friend on Facebook and go out on their birthday anyway? Even though we interact with them perfectly civilly at work? And if we don't; it's bullying?

Rubbish.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

Just a comment to everyone who thinks they are being supportive by enabling the OPs whining...if you talk them into quitting a job they apparently "love" because of this non-issue, you have NOT done them a favour. They will probably find the same thing happens in the next place they work as well. Thinking that agreeing with somebody's nonsense is being supportive is a serious mistake.

[Deleted User]

whiskydeltafoxtrot wrote: »

I didn't even warrant a card or a text.

As hard as this is could this just have fell at the wrong time?
If I cast my memory back to a few week's ago, someone's (part of the 'in' group) birthday was coming up which someone had to flag up to the senior's (the team member couldn't sit there let someone arrive knowing it was their birthday and not saying anything to anyone else on team in advance) but very genuine sincerely it nearly went undetected as the most unfortunate of timing. (there was just very few people around to arrange stuff) it could have ended in tragedy.

I kind of have your problem but in a little opposite whereby I don't really have much to say to the people I work with who are mostly over 10 years junior except maybe at lunch time, some of the conversations I just don't want to hear but we're all linked on social media, I'm baffled by it is it keep your enemy closest? - I think SM has got a lot to answer for! I've seen the 'office birthday's turn into media stints, so far removed from genuine but let's out do each one' for the t**iter account. All this write the perfect t*eat... only the cutest people need take part in this picture, I maybe a bit peculiar and these are the times but dread it, though I have had other jobs where none of the sm would have risen it's head.

I'm just thinking as your colleagues are older - maybe they don't like their accounts used in this fashion - I'm imaging some of mine are out of luck if they were to view me.

It really could be your colleagues are the type who believe these social media sites are for family only? Once you've got these people linked how on earth do you 'unfriend' them easily without causing some serious backlash in my opinion. All things to consider. All the best, you aren't alone x

xapprenticex

Guest101 wrote: »

I used to work in a team - mostly women, with a shocking turnover rate.


there were 7 pregnancies in my 3 years in that team (that's not the shocking turnover rate, there were 22 changed to members of staff, it was a team of 8...)


6 of those warranted a collection, etc etc. I contributed every single time. (I should point out that contributions were collected from across about 40 people, managers would also typically put in a decent whack, so often it was significant amounts of money)


When my son was born - guess who didn't get a collection? - it was simply because I was a man. Despite also only receiving SPP for the two weeks. After that I simply stopped contributing.

i put a quid in, if i like you, ill get you a present myself.

TheEffect

I'm in my mid 20s and reading this thread makes me feel like an outsider (not that I care).

I don't bother telling anyone at work when my birthday is, I'd rather not have the fuss.

I don't add anyone from work on social media, even those I get on well with and have been for a drink with once or twice outside work.

I couldn't care less if I'm liked or not. As long as my colleagues are respectful and professional (and I am as well), they can all go out every night without inviting me.

Even if I'm invited out after work, I usually decline.

Call me boring etc, but I prefer to keep work and my personal life completely separate. I go to work so that I can enjoy time/activities/drinks outside of work.

becominganobsessivesaver

I can really empathise with the OP as I have experienced behaviour like this at work for many years, as well as more traditional bullying (e.g. People blanking me when I said good morning, openly laughing at my wedding photos) and both can make you feel very insecure doubt yourself.
I couldn't count the number of people I've worked with over the years, but there are only a handful I classify as friends who I value keeping in touch with (and I don't think any of us has ever bought each other a birthday present.) I found the schoolyard tactics really hard in the early stages of my career, pre-children, not being invited to social events meaning it was harder to build rapport, but now I try to focus on the positive aspects of my life. Whilst I might like to have been invited I have my lovely family at home I can be with instead.
It's also made it easier to look for new work opportunities, as in the workplace my career and job satisfaction is my key driver, not what others think about me.

Bravepants

I have a couple of good friends I met while working, and they and their partners are good friends of mine, and we go way back - I mean 20 years or so! We of course get together outside work, and always have. I have other outside friends too of course and we always have a good time when we get together. I have learned the hard way recently that getting too involved with so called "friends" at work is not a good idea!

These days I go to work just to work and earn money; and apart from the two or three good friends I made in the past will NOT be putting any effort in to making "friends" with anyone else!