Dating in your mid 30's

PeacefulWaters

Well I'm an ugly so and so but had a ball online dating. Yes, there were disappointments but also met some great people.

Three sentence opening line.

If you get a reply ask a few mild questions.

Don't mention the size of anything.

Four or five exchanges in suggest meeting up. Somewhere benign like a coffee shop or popular walking location.

Don't get upset at rejection. Don't be afraid to reject.

(Or for "real life" meeting people look at the Corey Wayne stuff on YouTube)

Get yourself confident in who you are. Don't worry about what others think of you.

dekaspace

WibblyGirly wrote: »

The narrow age group, I just prefer someone a similar age to me, the older you go the more chance of ex wives/kids/step kids etc and I don't want that. I don't want to be anyones second marriage or step parent.

For the messages, the short ones looked like a copy and paste generic message, I didn't respond to those as they were usually accompanied with a near empty profile page. The ones who send huge paragraphs tended to be older guys (I was 25, they'd be in their 30s) and I just honestly couldn't be bothered to read a wall of text of some older guy planning where he would take me on a date.I also had a message from an empty profile saying he wanted to tie me up in his basement :eek:

I am picky, can't deny it, after finishing a long term relationship I was being super choosy over what I wanted in a guy and pof makes it easy for me to ignore the ones I didn't like. I didn't want to go on dodgy dates with guys just because we had a few things in common. I lucked out, my partner had a good profile, an original first message to me and lots of cute pictures that showed him as a real person (unlike many who had poser shots with their shirts off).

I used to think in my early 20's I'd prefer someone my age range too and without kids but still saw older and with kids as an option, for me it was more I felt I didn't want to go straight into a intense relationship without the honeymood period than anything else.

But as someone who struggles with a icebreaker I know how hard it would be to get that initial contact across.

You are stuck between on a profile writing everything about your life for a potential partner to see something they like, or writing nothing and coming across as dull, and of course women have so many messages by default and online dating in itself has become an extension of the real world dating issues like the confident men doing well and the quiet ones struggling, I see it as if someone is online dating (which has stigma attached anyway) then maybe they are there as they are not very good at first impressions, so they are putting themselves out there but then like real world as said above the confident people get seen first.

And hopefully not sounding sexist but women still like to be swept off their feet, and charmed, imagine a timid man trying to charm someone.

Every woman I have dated (even one night stands) have been from face to face interactions and most after shes shown a interest in me first as it means shes less defensive about being chatted to and means less pressure on me.

With online I don't have that but also too old to do the nightclub dating scene.

So it all goes back to any man especially who isn't the life of the party would struggle to get that initial icebreaker out of the way.

And I find it strange when anyone male or female claims they dislike being single and struggle to find anyone but then is picky (at most maybe some logical though to the pickiness is understood)

I for example am not picky as much as I find almost everyone attractive in fact more attracted to frumpy women who are cute and sweet as they feel sweet and natural than one who spends hours in front of mirror even if shes sweet as well, when I do see the random person my heart beats fast for and I can't stop looking at (not literally) I tend to notice its more body language than anything else and a bit of personality.

So you could show me a stunning woman with a perfect personality who is smitten with me and into the same things and I would find them attractive but it would feel more like friends with benefits than a relationship, then a random woman come across who is plain, has different interests and my heart would beat so fast it feels like it will burst out of my chest!

Huwbert

I have the same problem, being a 39yo bloke, whose never married and not got kids (and doesn't want any tbh). Had a date yesterday from POF and I thought it went well, but got the old chestnut of "no spark" as the response when I suggested a second date. Never get any replies off Match, and have joined several sports clubs and social clubs (Meetup.com is a great site to find different groups in your area based on activities/common interests).

I may sound daft but I wish that I could get honest feedback from dates similar to teh feedback you get from an interview. Even better would be to have someone feeding me advice via an earpiece during the first date as I can sometimes get a bit stuck for what to say, in a similar way that the experts used to help people on the TV show "Would Like to Meet"!

And yes, when I join social groups such as walking groups etc, I seem to be the youngest by about 10yrs and a lot of the people in the groups seem to be already partnered off. I have asked my mates if they know of any single people outside our social circle, but by my age now, most people seem to already be partnered off.

PeacefulWaters

Huwbert wrote: »

I have the same problem, being a 39yo bloke, whose never married and not got kids (and doesn't want any tbh). Had a date yesterday from POF and I thought it went well, but got the old chestnut of "no spark" as the response when I suggested a second date. Never get any replies off Match, and have joined several sports clubs and social clubs (Meetup.com is a great site to find different groups in your area based on activities/common interests).

I may sound daft but I wish that I could get honest feedback from dates similar to teh feedback you get from an interview. Even better would be to have someone feeding me advice via an earpiece during the first date as I can sometimes get a bit stuck for what to say, in a similar way that the experts used to help people on the TV show "Would Like to Meet"!

And yes, when I join social groups such as walking groups etc, I seem to be the youngest by about 10yrs and a lot of the people in the groups seem to be already partnered off. I have asked my mates if they know of any single people outside our social circle, but by my age now, most people seem to already be partnered off.

When you walk into a supermarket you're not interested in 99% of what's on offer.

It's the same with online dating. For both parties.

Screw feedback. Be confident. Have a few open questions lined up. This means she'll do most of the talking. I used to be frustrated at never getting a word in edge ways and then realised these were the dates most likely to reach second date.

svain

If i wanted to date again, ide be trying to find a proper introduction agency ... Im guessing it would be pricey but that would whittle out the timewasters and hopefully improve chances finding someone to spark with

Huwbert

I did ask plenty of open questions consciously making sure I didn't talk the hind leg of a proverbial donkey, but hey ho, some you win, some you lose!