Helping my brother with divorce. Advice needed

carnut1234

Hello all,

Quite recently my brothers wife after 5 years has decided to leave the home and move in with her parents. She has told him she has been in contact with an ex for some time and she wants a divorce. So I'm trying to help my brother but I really don't have a clue or does he.

The biggest issue is she has a huge family network and backing and well my brother has me only.

So after a week at her parents she has now spoken to my brother had has simply said she wants a divorce and he can buy her out of the house or sell and split it. Issue is he doesn't have any spare money and I'm in the middle of buying a house so again I'm very short on money.

They have recently sold there house and moved so they have been in the new house for about 3-4 months. The house was a bit of a wreck so between them they have racked up some debts.

My brother would rather keep the house as he's put a lot of work into it and well he has no where else to go.

The biggest thing that is annoying me is that she's left and has decided to divorce. Very much out of the blue from the sound of things and it seems she's just wanting my brother to sort it all while she sits back. So he's a bit of a mess and has no idea where to start.

So what should my brother do, where does he start and how is he going to afford all of this?

Some help and advice would be great and hopefully I can actually assist in making this a painless as possible.

Thanks

Dan

Primrose

Presumably they were both working and she was paying money towards the mortgage or domestic expenses and has now stopped doing that?
She needs to realise that just because she has moved out, the expenses of the household still carry on .
Firstly remind your brother that he can now claim single occupancy of the house for council tax purposes which should get him a 25% reduction of his monthly council tax bills.
After 5 years of marriage I,m not sure how much house equity she would be entitled to. Your brother obvious needs to get a free hour's consultation with a solicitor but if there are any joint accounts I suggests he talks to the bank and asks them to treat them as being in dispute so that she she can,t suddenly clear all the money from the account or start building up debts on the account, and he should then perhaps open a new bank account is his own me. If he wants to stay in the house can he still afford the mortgage on his income? He would probably have to increase his mortgage to raise the money to buy her out. Would he be prepared to take in a lodger to help with his finances?

Maybe he should tell his new ex that he,s going to stop paying the mortgage an all bills and the house can be reposssed unless she starts taking responsibility for her actions and coming up with some practical solution on financing going forward.

People of either sex who behave like this really make me angry. They plot away quietly and then dump all the responsibility of sorting out the mess on the person they've left behind. Your brother is probably well rid of her, but at the moment you need to keep him focussed on being positive and sorting out the practical issues.

carnut1234

Thank you very much for the information. You have given some really good advice and bank accounts etc. At the moment she has said that she will continue to pay bills however with the way she is acting it's his biggest concern that she won't pay anything. They have just currently got a lodger which is a mutual friend but he would happily have another lodger as it's a 3 bed.

He will be speaking to the bank tomorrow just to have an idea on what he can afford just so he knows his options. I've asked him to see if he can get a free hour with a solicitor and I have been doing some research. I can see that mediation is the cheapest quickest and easiest way of doing things and in all fairness he is quite keen to move things along quickly but doesn't want to get shafted.

He's also really annoyed that the deposit for their first house came from him with working 3 jobs and he completed all the work on the house which gave them the equity on the new house. He has also done all the work on the new house and has been the main contributor to the costs which has again probably increased its value a fair bit. He knows that a 50/50 is the likely outcome but it should be more like 75/25 his way.

The situation is awful. He has put a lot into this relationship and really put huge efforts in to become a part of her family which was difficult as she is Sikh and he is English. He has really progressed job wise and really been the one to better both of their lives.

Her attitude has been very carefree and she knows the biggest issue for him is financial and one of her comments was that money's not an issue for her and she will get her solicitor on it. Wish I just had a stack of cash to give him but I don't.

Thanks again for the advice.

Newly_retired

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/sorting-out-money-when-you-separate/dividing-up-money-and-belongings-when-you-separate/
This may be useful. It covers a lot of ground rather superficially, but will give you some idea.

lika_86

If they only bought the house recently they should consider whether there is an early redemption charge on the mortgage. It may make sense to do nothing until that is no longer applicable.

Could your brother afford the mortgage on his own (not just the monthly repayments but Also, would he pass an affordability test)? If not then he may have no choice but to sell.

TBagpuss

He should see a solicitor to get some proper advice.

He also needs to look into the position rearding the mortgage, and the costs of selling or transferring the house nows opposed to later.

If they come to an agreement, it would be perfectly possible (legally) to have a court order now, providing for the house to be transferred into his sole name at a set future date, possibly once the current ERC no longer applies.

mediation can be a good way of reaching agreement but it does relay on both parties being willing to engage and being honest about their finances. he should still get legal advice , ideally before going to mediation and once any proposals are made but before any formal agreement is signed.

It sounds as though it will be sensible for him to get valuations of the house before and after the extra work he has don, so he can put a value on the work he has done and aim to factor that in to any settlement.

Also, encourage him to give himself time. If his wife left him, she had probably been thinking about it for a little while and is further on in the process of separating, in terms of managing her feelings and so on. It's not unreasonable for him to have some time to do the same. If they can't agree and things go to court it would be several months before any order for sale would be made. Obviously you want to avoid having to go to court if possible, but it is worth bearing in mind that 'sell the house or buiy me out' isn't something that can be forced on him in weeks, it would be a matter of months at the least, so he should not panic.