We can't afford to live together and have children

JPB156

Thank you for all your replies everyone, and thanks for the kind words fireflyaway. There are so few cheaper properties around here and do feel rushed in case the housing situation goes more against us, feel if we don't do it now we never will be able to. We aren't keen on renting for the reasons you mentioned but also you can be chucked out at any time and how would we pay it in retirement. I'm just so low as my girlfriend wants to give it a go with this house but I can only see it going one way, but I can see how much me saying no upsets her and I hate it which is what makes me so scared for our relationship.

pmlindyloo

You are obviously good at saving and have sensible attitudes towards your future. You are aware that you are going to have to be careful with your expenditure. You do not appear to be credit card 'happy' and have looked at everything very carefully.

So, a good start.
But, sometimes you just have to take the plunge!

From what you have said you will manage absolutely fine. Yes, you will have to watch the pennies, save for anything you want, not get into huge debt, think about getting second jobs/part time work, take in a lodger. There are all kinds of options open to you and you seem the kind of couple that will be willing to take up these options. Good on you.

If children come along then you may have to tighten your belts again but children do not have to be expensive. You may even be entitled to some tax credits etc.

It's a case of being prepared to make some sacrifices to achieve what you want. And.... things change. A new job opportunity may arrive for example. You could both consider doing a course to improve your job prospects. Just be open minded.

I say 'go for it'!

anna_1977

I think you need to stop worrying and take the plunge as others have said.

I also hate to put a negative on this but you are naturally assuming you will be having children, not all people can.

Good luck

JPB156

p00hsticks we are nothing living separately with our own parents and I'm sorry if I have come across as if I'm trying to stop the relationship progressing but that couldn't be further from the truth. I am desperate for that and in fact while we have been looking for a house it has been me getting frustrated with her because she was quite fussy and wanted to wait for the dream home, now we have found it and realise we can't have it and it seems a big waste of time effort and stress.

I just can't bring myself to say yes as I'm convinced it will end up in repossession and feel we need to go cheaper but there's even less choice around here for that and it's crushing us both

pollypenny

As your partner works for a bank, surely she can get a beneficial mortgage, perhaps fixed for a longer period.

gallygirl

You have seen a house you like at 190k, but there are some at 100k, albeit needing a lot of work or presumably in 'bad' areas. How about a little less - say 160k? If you have been looking a while though and know the market then maybe you need to take the plunge. If you wait till you can safely afford everything that could go wrong you will never do it.

There are 10 year fixes available at less than 3%, e.g First Direct at 2.89%. You really can't see any further into the future than that! As others have said, put money aside as soon as you move in to cushion you for the future.

Good luck and go for it! It is only right to be scared to take on such a large debt - it's probably those who jump in with a cavalier attitude who are most at risk.

JPB156

She gets a slightly lower interest rate-about 0.1 percent but no other difference in deals

clint_S

JPB156 wrote: »

We would love to but the options aren't there, I'm a team leader and management barely get more than me, she works in a bank and has been trying for years to move up and the opportunity just isn't there, as they are making cutbacks more than anything.
We may be able to earn more but there is no guarantee so how can we just rest on that. We are trying to be sensible and maybe I'm a bit over cautious but 150000 mortgage on 34000 salary sounds too far.

There are lots of options. Change jobs, change careers, increase you qualifications. Just because your current employer doesn't pay well in your current occupation doesn't mean other are the same.

fairy_lights

JPB156 wrote: »

I just can't bring myself to say yes as I'm convinced it will end up in repossession and feel we need to go cheaper but there's even less choice around here for that and it's crushing us both

Frankly you need to stop being such a Donny Downer. You've got enough saved up for a deposit, you know you can afford the mortgage on your current salaries, so why are you so focused on worst case scenarios?
No one can predict the future, but surely at least taking a chance is better than living with your respective parents and agonising about moving forwards forever? Buy the house, get a lodger, if your situations change you can always sell up.

Guest101

JPB156 wrote: »

p00hsticks we are nothing living separately with our own parents and I'm sorry if I have come across as if I'm trying to stop the relationship progressing but that couldn't be further from the truth. I am desperate for that and in fact while we have been looking for a house it has been me getting frustrated with her because she was quite fussy and wanted to wait for the dream home, now we have found it and realise we can't have it and it seems a big waste of time effort and stress.

I just can't bring myself to say yes as I'm convinced it will end up in repossession and feel we need to go cheaper but there's even less choice around here for that and it's crushing us both

Going to be blunt now:


1: you're 35 and she's 30, for goodness sake it's time to fly the nest. Go to a letting agent and rent a property. See if you can actually live together before you decide to have children!


2: Ok it gets repossessed (I mean it wont, because that's not how it works - that takes months and you can just sell it), but jesus you could get run over by a bus tomorrow.


Go, find a house to rent, now today and live together for a year. fly the nest. I'm not trying to compare, but i'm younger than you, and I left home at 18 - it helps put things in to perspective when you rely on yourself.