Husband is depressed and it is destroying our finances

FatVonD

I too love the Isle of Wight, everything seems so clean compared to the mainland and it feels like somebody turned the clock back 20 years, however...

On visits there I've spoken to people who live there about what it's like. The first was a cab driver who said he loves living there but there are no job prospects for youngsters so your kids always end up moving away, something to consider.

The second was a couple who had sold their house and used the equity to buy a caravan which they lived in. There was no work for them on the island so he used to commute as a foot passenger to Portsmouth every day for work, I think he had a car on both sides.

I can understand you wanting to reduce your mortgage, the pressure on you must be huge. I live in Surrey and, not so much downsized as moved to a less desirable part and was able to buy the same size house for £70,000 less (bear in mind though that £20,000 of that went in fees.) Are you really in the cheapest area? There are some places that are cheaper because they aren't on a brilliant rail line, Addlestone, for instance, an hour into London but you can go one stop to Weybridge and change onto a fast train and be there in 30 minutes. (In fact you can buy a park home in Addlestone within walking distance of the station for £150,000!)

I hope you don't mind me saying this but you sound like you are panicking and not making the most rational decisions on account of, ahem, baby hormones (I speak from experience!)

I agree with the others that your husband needs to hand in his notice and take a local, no pressure job to help you out.

Persephone_Mulberry

Thank you for all the replies. I think I definitely am panicking - there are a lot of looming deadlines and none of them seem particularly positive and November being the absolute final one (although being able to, you know, get some things in for the baby would help...) ��

I'll do more reading about the Isle of Wight And Whiteley Bay. I do keep trying to find negative things to bring me down but everyone I ask online says they love it :0

Persephone_Mulberry

Oh and I didn't mean to suggest we live in the cheapest bit of Surrey - definitely not - but if moving happens, I am disinclined to do it within Surrey as I find it boring and want to try somewhere new as exploring and trying new places is fun

Persephone_Mulberry

Ah and husband is I think quite up for moving out of Surrey but as suggested by someone else is definitely have responsibility money earning guilt and anxiety.

Persephone_Mulberry

I should add (and have just realised I haven't) that whilst our mortgage is £144k, the house is valued at around £300-320k - so buying a house somewhere else at say £240k would free up about £60k of money...which of course ideally would go on clearing the mortgage but if he still can't work it's a couple of tears to live on.

tlc678910

If you are able to free up 150k of equity by selling up you can buy a modest 3 bed property mortgage free in many reasonable areas (if you are willing to move) When you are both established back into work you can get a new mortgage if you would like to move to a bigger/ more expensive property.

The difficulty is then how to get through this period when your husband is unwell and you need maternity leave. Could you sell and move to rented for the time being? You could eventually rent in the area you prefer to move to making it financially much easier to test out the area and manage until you find a job, when you can use your remaining equity (plus a mortgage if you have permanent full time work) to buy again.

I don't see the point in you tearing your hair out with stress with your husband poorly and you needing maternity leave when you have at least 150k of equity in your home to help you out.

Tlc

Persephone_Mulberry

Do you have any ideas for how to work out which areas are affordable? I think the IoW plan had the merit of (as well as beaches) being at least somewhat close to grandparents and the only friends we actually ever see.

But am happy to consider most places! It's just finding out options that is hard to start with.

LabRatty

Hi,
I'd suggest looking at things from a slightly different perspective, or maybe several.

If you were to go with a previous suggestion and put your house on the market, you would be freed up to rent for a while, while you consumer test one or more areas prior to settling down somewhere you like.
How to decide where to go? Set yourselves some basic criteria (eg coast, mainland, relative proximity to family, good vibe, not trendy/expensive) then:
1. Get OH to search for a job in his field that he likes the look of and apply. If successful, follow the work.
2. Or, he could look for something else he fancies in a different field, ditto.
3. Consider applying for warden/custodian type jobs with the national trust/landmark trust or similar, which come with tied accommodation.
4. Consider the sort of climate you prefer, warm & wet or cooler &,drier - then look at the west or east coast accordingly.
5. Consider Scotland - if you find somewhere you like, you'll have no university tuition fees when the kids are older!
6. write yourselves some more possibilities now....
The more I think about it, the more it seems that the world could be your lobster - kids portable, you looking for new opportunities and OH needing a new start.
Sound possible?
All the best,
LR

[Deleted User]

Persephone_Mulberry wrote: »

We don't particularly enjoy living where we are living nor he his job - I actually have hopes that living near the sea would be good for him.
Unfortunately not re benefits bar stat sick pay. The mortgage, I've been trying to hold out on restructuring as it's just over 23 years as it is and with both of us at 40, it sounds like it would cause us trouble when older to still have it :-/

The moving isn't too bad re costs as the difference between where we live and where I am looking (Isle of Wight) is huge.

He is still employed but I do think it's a problem in itself, he finds it a stressful environment and after so long off gets very anxious about going. He has a very useful job though where you can find employment most places.

Has he considered applying for PIP (the replacement for DLA), might be worth a word with a CAB advisor?

Persephone_Mulberry

Ooh PIP is so evil and mentally damaging I really want to keep him away from that sort of thing - but thank you for suggesting it!

Thank you for the optimistic replies! I am really really trying to find a way to make this a positive change and adventure - and a way out of Surrey which we haven't really enjoyed. I will do some reading today!!