Adventures of the Boy & Me..

Chandelier.

Morning.

So yesterday continued to be a chill out day until the evening when I began to get stressed out over something I've not been able to find since December last year. It's a hard drive with all the boys pictures from the last six years. I was gutted last time when I couldn't find it and for whatever reason last night it popped into my head and I started to become obsessed with trying to find it- cue me going into manic mode tearing everything apart to then sinking into a very low mood. I'm so upset that I don't know where it is, I feel as if I've lost that chapter of my life as it had every photo I've ever took.

I could use my time today to have a look through things for it but I'm scared I'll pull everything apart and not put things back together. That's what usually happens.

In light of recent things I've posted regarding someone from my past, I've decided to firmly leave them in the past. Although part of me was wanting to see how it goes, deep down I know not to go back there as it wouldn't be healthy for me. I could write a big pros/cons list and I think realistically the cons list would probably outweigh the pros. It's as if sometimes I only want to remember the good things and not the bad. Plus when I've got my clearer head on I can see he just wants to have his cake and eat it- I deserve more then that, a whole lot more. I'd be stupid to go back there and reset the cycle we've been through many a times before. I'm a lot stronger mentally to deal with these things so I won't bare too much of the brunt of it but I think it's time to go no contact. This will probably be hard but it's got to be done.

Anyhow, today is payday and the wages have hit my bank. All direct debits bar two are due to go out on the 1st of the month.

I need to look at the budget and sort out a final budget for July. I've a pretty decent idea of what my outgoings are/what to budget for but I just need to write it down.

I've got quite a few small jobs to do today, many of which are phone calls to chase up prescriptions/appointments etc.

I'm working the next two days after today and then off Saturday, working Sunday. At least I'm kept busy and should be able to keep my mind off things that currently go on in my head at the moment.

Hope everyone has a good Wednesday.

Chandelier.

Morning,

It feels weird it being Thursday already! Not long until the weekend

I managed to get a couple of jobs done yesterday.. it's silly little things like sorting out my new meds and getting them put into blister packs which make life easier. I'm also awaiting a phone call back today regarding an appointment in July (one which should have been a week ago).

My CPN came round to see me and we had a good chat. She keeps telling me to remain positive and stop over analysing things but sometimes it's hard not to. I can't just stop doing that. I'm always trying to see the positives within negatives but if I'm low in mood and no motivation then it's hard.

Although yesterday I popped into c00p and bought a whole chicken which was reduced to £2.27 so that made a nice tea for us.

Today I've just got work and then need to take the boy to football practice. I also need to sort out my online banking, figure out my budget for July and then move my income into the correct accounts. I think I shall pay myself first into my savings and try not to touch this. I've already made the debt repayments for July and I'm going to try not to become overly obsessed with this and make extra payments.

Today I've also a meeting with my manager to see where I'm going next with regards to work. I'm hoping it works out in my favour.

I then need to sort out any appointments for next week.

Life is busy.

Happy Thursday everyone

JoJoC

Sounds like life is busy indeed, Chandelier!

Hope the meeting with your boss goes well today.

Hiddenidenity

Hope today goes how you want it too Have a nice day x

Aaleigha

Morning

If you don't mind I want to subscribe, you are so focussed

But I really wanted to post re your mental health, I love the way you are honest and speak openly, I too do.

Sounds like we have very similar type of fast cycling bi polar to myself

Re meds I have a fit bit and have set the alarm on that and my mobile, on vibrate to remind me.

Will come back later as I am on holiday in the middle of nowhere with no internet had to pop into town so I could a message for daughter 20 mile round trip back to cottage:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Chandelier.

Thanks guys

Aaleigha I feel I have to be honest because if I pretend that everything is fine, I start believing it is when sometimes it's not. When I'm on a high I tend to think that I don't need meds and end up stopping them and going back to square one.

I hope one day I can look back on this diary and laugh and see how far I've come.

Chandelier.

So that's me finished work.. I didn't get to speak to the manager today but I will tomorrow. Its all been left a tad too late but I'm not going to complain.

I'm now just home for twenty minutes before I have to take the boy out for football. I feel as if he's going to want to quit soon due to what happened last week regarding the tournament.

I think after we get back I'll get him to do his reading and then I think we'll both have an early night. I'm absolutely exhausted.

I've managed to book an appointment for what I needed to. I also had a missed call from a number I don't know. They left a voicemail but I deleted it by accident so don't know who it was, oops . If it's important they'll phone back.

Anyhow I best be off and sort out stuff for later. Hopefully I can work out my budget for July in these next few hours.

Chandelier.

Morning

It's quite a calm and peaceful morning here. I'm currently sat in the garden with a cup of coffee listening to the sounds around me, mostly birds chirping away. I find this so relaxing and try to do it most mornings where possible.

Today I'm working until half 3. I definitely need to find out what's happening work wise. It's driving me mad not knowing because I need to sort out childcare and what not. There are also a few dates I need off in the upcoming month and in August.

Yesterday I moved some money from my account into savings. My savings pot is back up to the figure of £2500 (emergency fund/annual expenses pot) and my HTB Isa stands at £4200. If you add this all up and take away my debt figures £5350, I've actually a positive balance of £1350. Working that out and seeing the figures makes me happy. However I won't be touching money saved in my HTB Isa and I like to have the cushion of the emergency fund.

I've also got what's left in my current account which I'm waiting for bills/direct debits to come out of. And any other income for the month (child benefit/child maintenance/tax credits) shall hopefully be put to one side in the savings account and for upcoming costs/expenses in the next month or two.

I've worked out a draft budget for the month and will tweak this and post it later. I need to withdraw some cash for personal spends/the boys extra curricular/petrol.

My total spend for June's petrol budget was £50. Not too bad really. This will probably be higher for the month of July as I'm hoping to have quite a few days out which involve travelling.

I've a small to do list for today and it goes as follows:-

- Pick up prescription, they will be in blister packs so easier to use and make it more likely for me to take them and not forget.
- Pay the boys fees for an upcoming show he's in, I mays well pay July's fee as well whilst I'm at it then it's out the way.
- Sort out and confirm work situation.
- Arrange appointment for next week with support worker.
- Try to change date of a show I was suppose to watch. It's the boys school production. If I can't do this I'll ensure someone will watch it in my absence
- Enquire about after school club for next year.

That's it really. I've not much planned for the rest of the day after work. The boy is going to after school club so I'll leave him there until pick up time as he enjoys going to these things.

Tomorrow is a busy day.

Happy Friday everyone.

Chandelier.

Afternoon!

So I've finished work for the day and I'm currently sat at home waiting to pick the boy up from afterschool club. He always complains if I pick him up too early .

I had a meeting with the manager and work and recieved lots of positive feedback. I'm able to do bank work as and when I choose starting from next week. She's booked me onto a few shifts up until mid August. However my working week for the next few weeks is looking rather bare but I think I'll take this time to sit back and reflect on all I have achieved. Plus its the school holidays coming up. I've also stated if she can figure out any extra shifts to offer them my way. So that's one positive for a Friday afternoon .

I thought about maybe going for a meal out to mark the end of an era (my fixed term contract) and because we haven't planned anything for tea. However I'd only choose something like steak if we went for a pub meal so I'm going to take the boy to Ald! and pick up the steaks there and get the boy to help me with cooking the meals for us all. We can have a mini date night and movie night I think.

I'm about to go pick my medications up from the pharmacy and then collect the boy. When I pick him up I'll also enquire about afterschool club places for the next school year.

Happy Friday everyone

Chandelier.

Morning

So let's have a look at what I managed to do yesterday.

- [STRIKE]Pick up prescription.[/STRIKE] New prescription picked up. It's all nicely organised in a blister pack which makes it easier for me to take. I have to pick these up on a weekly basis due to a shelf life of one of the meds. The pharmacy states they will reorder my prescription on a monthly basis which is handy for me and one less thing to do.
- [STRIKE]Pay the boys show fees.[/STRIKE] I paid the amount for June's fees only. I'll make July payment towards end of month.
- [STRIKE]Sort out and confirm work situation.[/STRIKE] This is done . See previous post. The manager was really impressed with how I've done and states I'm like a different person to someone a month ago. I'm not sure what's different but somethings working .
- Arrange appointment for next week with support worker. I'll do this on Monday.
- Change date I watch boys school production. I'll do this on Monday.
- [STRIKE]Enquire about after school club for next year.[/STRIKE] I enquired about this last night and was given an information sheet. I'm to go in on Monday and fill some forms in. The school seem to have changed their policy (maybe due to people not paying) and want a months payment in advance. I think I'll put boy in two days a week from September if I can. It seems to be first come, first served basis. How they can do that I don't know. We've been on the waiting list for over 12 months. The kind lady stated the boy was a pleasure to have and would love to have him there more.

So that was yesterday's to do list summarised. It was quite a busy day but it ended on a positive note. I went to Ald! and bought some steaks and other bits for tea which went down well and was much cheaper then going out for a meal as previously mentioned :money: :rotfl:.

I can't believe we're on the 1st July already. Another new month to budget for. June ended rather well and I hope to keep it going for July. I'll post my budget later on if I remember.

Today's to do list:-
- Take boy to football.
- Take boy to have hair cut.
- Let boy wash and clean car.
- Take boy to presentation evening.

There seems to be a theme.. It's all about the boy today. I'm going to take it easy and chill out where possible.

Happy Saturday everyone :D