Family Fears

Fabulouso

Hello,
I'm not sure if this is the right place but it's driving me mad lately so really want to just let it out.

I am 31, a single parent. I absolutely LOVE being a Mum and I am so so sooo scared I will never have another child.
I know I should be grateful I have the one, and trust me I am. I tell him everyday. But I love being a mum so much I just can't imagine ever not doing it all again. 😓

I have dated, it's never really gotten far though, either I don't see a future or maybe I can put pressure on a little too soon forthings to get serious. I get I probably sound SO desperate lol. I'm popular, have a good job, lots of family and friends and a beautiful child and home. But I can't pretend I am not so scared that this will never happen for me. Time is ticking and I know the body just won't be left to conceive as time goes on.
Am I mad or what? I really needed to vent lol
Sorry x

heartbreak_star

Maybe look deeper and see why you're thinking like this - have you always wanted multiple children? Is it because your current one is growing up?

HBS x

Fabulouso

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Maybe look deeper and see why you're thinking like this - have you always wanted multiple children? Is it because your current one is growing up?

HBS x

Hey, thankyou for replying. It's both.
I have always wanted a big family. But I hate him growing up. I miss him as a baby although I still enjoy him now. I enjoy it too much not to do it again and that scares me it may not x

FBaby

Situations evolve and your feelings adapt to them. If you never have another child, you will learn to find happiness in other way. Right now you feel like nothing could possibly replace this need, but the whole process is no different to the one we go through when we grieve a loss.

As it stands, you have more than 10 years still to go before you meet someone and have the chance to be a mum again. In all likelihood it will happen, but if it doesn't, you'll be ok too.

Just be careful not to let this desperate need overshadow your judgement and make decisions you know are not right, even if it gives you what you want in the end.

Placitasgirl

Might you be in a position to become a foster parent or perhaps to adopt longer term? Fostering may be a wonderful opportunity to fill the "gap" you're worrying about at the moment and foster carers for children of all ages are desperately needed. The difference you could make to a child's life despite the fact you're a single mum and not in a position to have another child of your own at the moment is huge; they need the love, care and nurturing you've shown your own little one and the reward of knowing you've been Mum to a child in a time of need is simply priceless. I'm sure your son would also make a wonderful sibling for a foster child and this would help prepare him for the possibility of a brother or sister coming along in due course.

Perhaps not the answer or advice you were expecting, but hope you don't mind me putting the suggestion forward.

Fireflyaway

I am an only child and also have 1 child. I sometimes thought I wanted another one but realised I might just be mourning the loss of certain elements that you lose when a child grows. However for every thing that stops, something else emerges.
There might be benefits from keeping as you are. 2 different dads / the children being half siblings / different surnames / one child having dad at home and the other not/ would a new partner adopt your child or treat him the same etc etc. I know many people overcome this and would probably laugh at what I've said but for me I prefer it simple.

Red-Squirrel_2

Fabulouso wrote: »

Hey, thankyou for replying. It's both.
I have always wanted a big family. But I hate him growing up. I miss him as a baby although I still enjoy him now. I enjoy it too much not to do it again and that scares me it may not x

If you had a second child, or a third or even a fourth, would you not feel the same way as each one left that 'baby' stage?

Primrose

You are probably scaring the life out of any potential date if you keep commenting on your desire to have another child. Your date might well feel he is just needed as a sperm provider.
You may need to be realistic and face the fact that you may never find yourself in the right position for having another child and may well need to recomcile yourself to the fact that you're fortunate in being able to bring up the child you have in a secure stable environment. Don,t under estimate the blessings you have. Take each day as it comes and fill your life, and that of your child with interesting activities. Concentrating on what you have and making the most of it is a far better option than hankering for something that may be out of reach. If it isn't, if that time comes it will be all the more pleasurable , but don,t let your child ever feel that what he/she is providing you with is never quite enough. You could leave them with a constant sense of low esteem and of being under valued.