Financially trapped in relationship.

Moomah

I need advice on what I can do? My mental health is suffering because of the relationship I have been in for over 30 years. I raised our children feeling like a single parent although he was here. He never felt family life was his responsibility, would not give me any access to money, would not let me buy anything or go out anywhere without him or the kids! He would tell people that me and our kids just sponged off him!!! I did all the part time jobs I could so I could provide for my children while he spent his money on himself. They have grown and left home and I was stuck doing jobs that hated so for the sake of my sanity I started my own business 7 years ago, on my own with no help or support from anyone least of all my partner ( who put me down and belittled my business) and I worked hard to build it up and I made a good name for myself. It got to the point I was turning business away. My partner was about to lose his job because of his behaviour at work and decided I owed it to him to be involved in my business! I knew this was a bad idea. I love my job and what Ive made. It filled me with confidence and gave me the space I desperately needed and income. So I had to make him a partner ( bearing in mind he would not marry me in all these years despite proposing to me in public and then laughing at me later for thinking he meant it) so we are legally business partners. He wanted me to sign my business over to him!!!!! I feel this is worse than being married to him now. I now find it impossible to do my job. He is there every day bringing me down. I have found out he has been telling people he created my business. I cannot even be in the same room as him now. I want us to split up but he wont go and it seems the only option I have is to walk away from everything I have built up and the business that I love and start again from scratch with nothing! I have no family to help, they no longer talk to me beacause of his behaviour and I had to get rid of any friends I had as he didnt like me spending time with them. I feel like I live with a needy 50 year old child. I have seen a therapist but it was pointless as that caused problems with him too. I feel somedays there is very little point in going on and I don't know what to do!

PeacefulWaters

Sometimes walking away from everything and starting again can be amazingly uplifting.

Who can help you?

AndyBSG

When you say he is a partner in your business, in what way do you mean?

Is he named on all the accounts, if so is he the primary account holder or is that you? Is it a limited company? If so who is the director? If it's not a limited company then it must be set up as a sole trader so who's name is it in?

It seems to me it'll be pretty hard for your husband to try to claim ownership of the business if it was all started in your name.

clint_S

Are you sure your business is a partnership and that your partner isn't just an employee?

[Deleted User]

What kind of business is it, if you intend to stay locally and its a service type business can you not email your clients and say the business has moved premises, here is the new phone number and from now on we are calling ourselves xyz.

Take your customer away from the old business ?

AndyBSG

clint_S wrote: »

Are you sure your business is a partnership and that your partner isn't just an employee?

That's pretty much what I suspect.

If that is the case then the OP can just walk away and take her business with her but needs to be smart about it.

Make sure you get a list of all the E-mail accounts and passwords, access to all the paperwork, contacts directories, bank accounts, etc

Then set a date to completely lock him out without him suspecting and make sure that on that date any access he has is removed and passwords changed.

If I start dating and sleeping with my boss next week that doesn't make me a partner in her business, i'm still just her employee and she can boot me out of the company whenever she wants!

There is a chance you 'may' be liable for a redundancy payout of some sort but that's hard to comment on without knowing how long he's worked for the business, what sort of pay he's received during that time, etc.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You've started a successful business from scratch in the face of intolerable abuse.

You can do this. Talk to your accountant in private/confidence. They'll be aware of a good solicitor if you need one to extricate yourself from this situation - and they'll be aware of how you've started this from nothing. There's also a good chance that they will be able to advise you on how to get out and live somewhere else if you so desire.

You are not as trapped as your husband would like you to think; even if you had to restart again from somewhere else, emailing all your clients and saying 'Our premises have moved, we are now trading from xxxxxxx and payments now need to be made to xxxxxxx', that's a perfectly normal situation. Businesses move. Accounts change.


If the accountant you use is not somebody you would trust, as they're a friend/relative of your husband's, go to another for advice. They are bound by confidentiality laws - and wouldn't be impressed by somebody committing financial abuse.


You are not trapped. Your husband is making you feel it, which is a different matter altogether. You are not alone.

And if you can make a thriving business out of your situation, you are also a damn fine businesswoman and you can and will thrive out of this situation.

tensandunits_2

Moomah wrote: »

I need advice on what I can do? My mental health is suffering because of the relationship I have been in for over 30 years. I raised our children feeling like a single parent although he was here. He never felt family life was his responsibility, would not give me any access to money, would not let me buy anything or go out anywhere without him or the kids! He would tell people that me and our kids just sponged off him!!! I did all the part time jobs I could so I could provide for my children while he spent his money on himself. They have grown and left home and I was stuck doing jobs that hated so for the sake of my sanity I started my own business 7 years ago, on my own with no help or support from anyone least of all my partner ( who put me down and belittled my business) and I worked hard to build it up and I made a good name for myself. It got to the point I was turning business away. My partner was about to lose his job because of his behaviour at work and decided I owed it to him to be involved in my business! I knew this was a bad idea. I love my job and what Ive made. It filled me with confidence and gave me the space I desperately needed and income. So I had to make him a partner ( bearing in mind he would not marry me in all these years despite proposing to me in public and then laughing at me later for thinking he meant it) so we are legally business partners. He wanted me to sign my business over to him!!!!! I feel this is worse than being married to him now. I now find it impossible to do my job. He is there every day bringing me down. I have found out he has been telling people he created my business. I cannot even be in the same room as him now. I want us to split up but he wont go and it seems the only option I have is to walk away from everything I have built up and the business that I love and start again from scratch with nothing! I have no family to help, they no longer talk to me beacause of his behaviour and I had to get rid of any friends I had as he didnt like me spending time with them. I feel like I live with a needy 50 year old child. I have seen a therapist but it was pointless as that caused problems with him too. I feel somedays there is very little point in going on and I don't know what to do!

This story has more holes in it than a bit of Swiss cheese, but I hope you get the answers you are seeking.

Fireflyaway

Seek some legal advice about the business. I don't know enough to advise - if he is a director with companies house / on the lease of the premises / named on or has access to the bank account etc will all change how you deal with it.
On a personal level you are entitled to some quality of life. Sounds like you tolerated this to provide for your kids which has admirable qualities ( not suggesting anyone should stash in an abusive relationship for the kids) but now grown up how would they feel if they knew what you are going through? I'd make some plans but keep it quiet. You don't know how he might react. Get some money and all your important documents and work out where to go. In your 50's you can definitely start over.good luck.

Diary

Moomah wrote: »

I need advice on what I can do? My mental health is suffering because of the relationship I have been in for over 30 years. I raised our children feeling like a single parent although he was here. He never felt family life was his responsibility, would not give me any access to money, would not let me buy anything or go out anywhere without him or the kids! He would tell people that me and our kids just sponged off him!!! I did all the part time jobs I could so I could provide for my children while he spent his money on himself. They have grown and left home and I was stuck doing jobs that hated so for the sake of my sanity I started my own business 7 years ago, on my own with no help or support from anyone least of all my partner ( who put me down and belittled my business) and I worked hard to build it up and I made a good name for myself. It got to the point I was turning business away. My partner was about to lose his job because of his behaviour at work and decided I owed it to him to be involved in my business! I knew this was a bad idea. I love my job and what Ive made. It filled me with confidence and gave me the space I desperately needed and income. So I had to make him a partner ( bearing in mind he would not marry me in all these years despite proposing to me in public and then laughing at me later for thinking he meant it) so we are legally business partners. He wanted me to sign my business over to him!!!!! I feel this is worse than being married to him now. I now find it impossible to do my job. He is there every day bringing me down. I have found out he has been telling people he created my business. I cannot even be in the same room as him now. I want us to split up but he wont go and it seems the only option I have is to walk away from everything I have built up and the business that I love and start again from scratch with nothing! I have no family to help, they no longer talk to me beacause of his behaviour and I had to get rid of any friends I had as he didnt like me spending time with them. I feel like I live with a needy 50 year old child. I have seen a therapist but it was pointless as that caused problems with him too. I feel somedays there is very little point in going on and I don't know what to do!

Surely you could speak to your children about your boyfriends abhorrent behavior? You seem very isolated and in need of real help.
Womens Aid are a very good place to start if your children don't speak to you because of him.
it would help if you could see a solicitor first about the business end of it.