Need advice as a carer

TomJones

Hi, I had an account on here but can't find the login so had to make a new one.

If this is the wrong place to ask this please point me to a more appropriate place. I'm currently living in a council flat with my mother. I'm her carer, she's unable to look after herself due to mental illnesses. For instance if I let her go to the shop on her own she'll either be attacked of have money taken from her by the local kids. This is just one of a million reasons why I'm her carer though.

Anyway, I'm on carers allowance and would like to get my own flat. I've been her carer for 10 years now and I'm 32. Another thing is that I'm also half caring for my grandmother and grandfather, she has cancer and he has Alzheimer and there's not one other person in my wonderful family who is willing to help me out so I'm doing it all myself. As you can imagine it's totally destroyed my social life and has led to depression/suicidal thoughts. People mock me for living with my mum.

So I'd like to get my own place but I know how it works. Even people in terrible situations get offered horrible accommodations and wait for ages. The worrying thing is that living here is affecting my health. Not only do I have asthma (and the flat has mold and damp growing on the walls) which gets bad every night when I sleep, looking after my mother is causing anxiety that has give me stomach problems and a few panic attacks. I also have anxiety due to the type of people who live here, there's a constant undertone and threat of violence since it's a rough area. I really want to get away from it all and would like to still be her carer but have the ability to go back to my own place at the end of the night. She keeps me awake all night too almost every night. It's essentially ruined my life. (Don't even get me started on the fact that I've always wanted a career but thanks to my family haven't even been able to start. I was really great in school too, would have had a great job by now. But that's another topic.)

So if I applied for a flat what would I have to do? Would I need a doctors note showing that I'm anxious? And about my asthma? Or should I just write this stuff on the form? I also obviously don't want to live too far away so I can care for her every day and am worried that they'll offer me a place in a location full of drug dealers/addicts/people who are going to be starting fights constantly.

If there's any more details you need to know in order to give me advice please let me know! I don't know where else to ask and have had good advice from here before!

Thanks!

elverson

Have you spoken to your council's housing service?

TomJones

Yeah, they basically said "we've shut everything down, just fill the form in on our website". They said "I don't know" when I asked them whether I'd need a doctors note.

pmlindyloo

The first thing you need to do is to ring social services and ask for a carer's assessment both for you and your mother (and perhaps for your grandparents too)

Have a read of this to see what support you can be offered.

http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/practical-support/getting-care-and-support/carers-assessment?gclid=CLSU3eWdvdMCFWsW0wodA00IKA

tlc678910

Hi, sorry to hear of your situation.

As a carer you are entitled to an assessment of your needs to see what your local authority can do to help you to manage. You are entitled to this even if the person you care for does not want an assessment of their own needs.

Contact your local authority and ask for this carers needs assessment and find out if they can help you. Ask about your living situation and if anything can be done to get you and your mum into more suitable accommodation (not together) but also think about whether any extra help would help you to manage or give you a break. Find out if your mum meets the threshold for a personal budget (this could fund some one to one support for example. If you don't ask you won't know.

Good luck
Tlc

TomJones

Oh okay, thanks, I'd never even heard of that assessment. This is affecting my health so surely there's something they can do. I'll contact them today.

Cakeguts

Your mother's mental health problems need to be reassessed. Who is treating her at the moment? Does she take her medication? From what you have written it doesn't sound as if her mental illness is under control and if it isn't then that needs to be sorted out.

You also may need help for your own mental health.

Does your mother have a social worker or mental health worker who visits her. If not try to find out why this isn't happening.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

If it's a council property they should be taking a look at the damp. It would help to describe the problem clearly to them; is there an obvious cause ie stains on the ceiling from the flat above/old porous window frames/leaking gutter outside etc. You could also ask other occupants if it's a building-wide problem.They will want to dismiss the possibility that it's caused/exacerbated by your lifestyle (ie drying clothing on radiators and never opening the windows) so be prepared for questions about that.

It will help if you can break the overwhelming issues into smaller, manageable ones and approach one at a time:

-reporting damp to the Council
-Social Services assessment of your mother
-Social Services assessment of your other dependents
-check you're receiving all benefits you're entitled to
-speak to your GP to review asthma medication and mental health issues (ask for a double slot when making the appointment).
-look up charities for carers (eg https://carers.org/section/about-us) for support; they may have social events in your area or offer respite care

macman

Whose name is the current tenancy in? If you already have housing, then you are going to come a very long way down the list as a single person, if they'll list you at all. It sounds as if your mum would have to go into care if you moved out-are you happy with that?
If the damp is due to defects in the property then complain to the housing department and get it remedied. But as mentioned above, damp and mould is frequently the result of inadequate heating and ventilation.

TomJones

All of her mental health needs are taken care of. Unfortunately her condition is so bad that this is, according to the doctor, the best they can do. She was on the strongest possible medication but the doctor said using it long term is bad for cardiovascular health.

It's my mum's flat, I just live here and look after her. Do I basically have to be homeless to get a place?

I don't like talking about this but what if something happens to her? This is a two bedroom flat, will I be forced to pay room tax? Will they force me to move out? Just curious. I'd prefer to get my own place honestly. My mum is on a decent amount of money, she could afford room tax if I moved out whereas I couldn't.

I remember when my girlfriend applied for a flat the woman in citizen's advice said "you need to be an immigrant or pregnant or you have no chance". It sounds like that's still the case? My girlfriend ended up in the worst area possible in an absolutely disgusting flat that was falling to bits and even then she had to fight for it. She was classed as homeless though since she was living on my grandmother's couch basically.

This is kind of depressing, I tried to do the right thing looking after her, get £4,000 a year for what is the most stressful job on Earth and am at the back of the queue for a place even though I'm developing a stomach ulcer from the stress of living here.

My drug addicted thief relative and criminal relative both got brand new furnished flats through some "get clean" scheme thing they were on and both mocked the people who were helping them, totally ungrateful for everything they got.

Cakeguts

TomJones wrote: »

All of her mental health needs are taken care of. Unfortunately her condition is so bad that this is, according to the doctor, the best they can do. She was on the strongest possible medication but the doctor said using it long term is bad for cardiovascular health.

It's my mum's flat, I just live here and look after her. Do I basically have to be homeless to get a place?

I don't like talking about this but what if something happens to her? This is a two bedroom flat, will I be forced to pay room tax? Will they force me to move out? Just curious. I'd prefer to get my own place honestly. My mum is on a decent amount of money, she could afford room tax if I moved out whereas I couldn't.

I remember when my girlfriend applied for a flat the woman in citizen's advice said "you need to be an immigrant or pregnant or you have no chance". It sounds like that's still the case? My girlfriend ended up in the worst area possible in an absolutely disgusting flat that was falling to bits and even then she had to fight for it. She was classed as homeless though since she was living on my grandmother's couch basically.

This is kind of depressing, I tried to do the right thing looking after her, get £4,000 a year for what is the most stressful job on Earth and am at the back of the queue for a place even though I'm developing a stomach ulcer from the stress of living here.

My drug addicted thief relative and criminal relative both got brand new furnished flats through some "get clean" scheme thing they were on and both mocked the people who were helping them, totally ungrateful for everything they got.

When you say doctor do you mean GP or psychiatrist? There is a huge difference.

It doesn't sound as if they have done enough for your mother in terms of finding the right medication. It takes time to find the right medication for each mental illness. This is why hospital stays tend to be longer for mental illness than for other illnesses. You say that the doctor put her on strong medication but it was bad for her physical health? Was this the only medication/ combination of medication that they have tried and who prescribed it? GP or psychiatrist? Now who comes in to check that she is alright? You should have visits from the mental health team. Does she have a social worker?

From what you are saying it doesn't sound as if she is safe in the community and this should be sorted out so that she is not so vulnerable. You may need to contact your local council mental health department to get help for her so that you can lead your own life.

Single people are not usually given council accommodation because there is a general shortage and they are not seen as high priority. However if you didn't have to look after your mum you could get a job and then you would be able to rent something privately on your own.

Have you been to the doctor about your health issues?