£16,000 debt, turning regret into positive action.

LadyP01

Happy new year cherryfudge

Candles I have done before and I think next year could be a good year to return them.
BBQ is my theme for the boys... great minds!

I feel like I did really well today. I have completed the buying part of a little girls birthday that is coming up. Sale shopping came up with some great gifts. I have a handmade idea to go with them so I will be busy next week executing that idea! If that works out in total the gifts will work out to £11.69 I think and he budget was £20. Already a win.

I'm also extremely pleased to have stumbled on a gift for my friend in the Disney store for £4.50 it's a perfect gift for her and I think it will pair nicely with a beautiful tree decoration aswell. I will probably buy that next year unless I stumble on one in the coming weeks.

All the other gifts were for me but I got some good bargains!

I'm planning on popping out again on Friday but more locally to see what shows up.
I need gifts for little boys mainly and I also want to get bits for these bbq sets. Hot spicy sauces must be on sale somewhere.

LadyP01

Quick update.

Finances have been looked at this week and we are on track.

Went over the last of December. I didn't keep on at my other half as I wanted him to have some previcy around my gifts so it was a surprise and not like I had dictated everything.
I'm pretty disappointed. Not only did he come into some money and decided to not pay off debt. There was also a bill that didn't need paying and he spent the money for it.
Iv not said anything he's said well that will have to come out of my own money won't it and I will leave that for him to decide if he should be paying the money back or not.
I'm guessing he won't.

Our new budget is in and coming along nicely. Already frustrated as we wrote the budget together and agreed everything and then first month he says we haven't allocated enough for petrol!
Well now we need to go back and work out where we will trim to get enough money for petrol.

2019 for us will see most of our contracts end. The oh hasn't been on this journey anywhere near as long as I have so we are still in some high contracts that need reducing.
By the end of the year we should be freeing up about £500 that goes on bills and nearly £1000 that we are putting towards and wedding. Life should be really comfortable in 2020 ready to buy our new house

Nothing happens overnight but the little things we do eventually give us a more comfortable life.
Just wish my oh could see how great our lives will be debt free.

GlendaSugarbean

Hi LadyP, it sounds like you are getting a little frustrated. You have come a long way though, and your OH is in a much better mindset now than in the past - yes there is a way to go but things are moving in the right direction . And yes I think the extra spends do need to come from his money!

Cherryfudge

I think getting control of finances is a learning curve, so hopefully your OH will reflect on how his finances go over time and work out how to optimise them.
Great that you are getting near the end of the expensive contracts! You have reminded me we need to review a couple of things that will otherwise roll over and get more costly. Well done for being on track too - what a good start to the year.

LadyP01

Thanks guys

It's the hidden contracts, you think oh that's ok it's a normal contract but when you add it all up it's a big cost every month and one I just want gone.

My latest antics show how easy it is to go back to where we all used to be and how hard we still all work on controlling our expenses.

I desperately wanted a Fitbit. New year I really wanted to track my steps and my swimming.
Perfect... I picked out what I wanted and I was happy I had enough physical cash to spend on it.
Then... I looked at the Apple Watch! All £400 of it in its glory. It's everything I'm looking for and more. It's ideal, the colours are a match and it's so high tech I will achieve so much.
I stopped myself from paying £400 even though it was torcher. I looked everywhere second hand for what I wanted and it's just not available at a reasonable second hand price.

I was close to signing contracts I was close to handing over all my cash. I was so close I was transferring money in front of the watch that I wanted but shouldn't be buying.
I also left it for two weeks to see if I still wanted it and I did.
But actually! It was a want. I want one I don't need one. I don't need one now. I can wait for the colour I desperately want instead of compromising to have it right now.

That was a tough tough decision to stop myself. I might have reached my debt freedom and be working towards a joint freedom with the oh but the compulsiveness to buy things we desperately want has not gone away.

A sharpe reminder that we will met these challenges for life. Sad thought.

LadyP01

Having a mini melt down, very mini.

Weddings how do people pay for them. I have planned the cheapest wedding I can, cutting costs in every place. All the money I saved still won't cover it in this day and age. We need to save harder. It's hidden costs that you don't see.
I know we have everything planned out and that it won't be to bad and a lot of these things are little things I'm just having a moment.

I know that the month we get married we complete on a lot of the repayments that we are paying but I'm still just staring at a page full of bills and that makes me worry.
It's late, maybe that doesn't help maybe it does. I know we will be ok I just can't believe how much these things cost.
Every penny is worth it we are as low key as we want to be. Cheapest food but in an average venue we love. Driving friends and family's cars and not hiring. Reduced the suits we will be paying for and the budget I set out for them might come in under yet.
I'm going to have to save up money for all the beauty stuff I would like to do. I was hoping it could come out the wedding money but there's just no spare money so if I want those extra touches I dream of as a bride then I need to buy them myself.

We do both have a birthday before the wedding so as gifts we could ask for some of these items like make up and vouchers for shoes.

Even as I type this I can feel the anxiety slipping away. It's all doable and we will get it all done.
Breath

Cherryfudge

A massive well done on resisting the watch! I don't have one so I don't 'get' the temptation but I do have a Fitbit and I love it. Even more I love it when I've used it to good effect and feel fit and healthy. They are tools in the end, not the end in themselves...
I dread to think what a wedding costs nowadays (will probably have to face up to it some time as DD will probably eventually tie the knot ) but it's a huge burden and I still remember the preparations were stressful. It's very true to say, though, that the wedding is just one day and the marriage is what really matters. Trust me - I clocked up 30 years married a few months ago

ETA: here endeth the sermon

LadyP01

Congrats on reaching 30 years!

I know that's what I'm always telling my oh we have gone extremely basic. And still the bills are adding up it's honestly shocking.
I feel so much better and relaxed this morning.
I'm going to pay for all the beauty things I want myself. I have re worked my personal budget so I can afford it.

I might find a dress cheaper yet aswell so I can relax a bit about that. If I don't then I don't but hopefully I will. It is just for one day after all.

LadyP01

As it's a new year I just wanted to post some tips that's I found so useful at the start of my journey.

Firstly I recommend that you research blogs of people who had gone debt free or live a zero waste life style. These are so inspiring, have lots of great tips that you wouldn't even think of and just make you feel like your not alone.
Debt free and zero waste are becoming more and more popular, gone are the days where people want to live with excessive stuff or debt. The figures from Christmas as much as they are blaming it on brexit I believe it down to the new culture of mindful living.

Budgets- have a fund for everything. In your yearly budget plan for everything, birthdays, Christmas, car issues. Set these funds up before over paying debt. The idea is eventually you will
Be at a point that when you hit January of a year you will already have all the money you need to survive and won't need to touch your pay for the entire year.
This is obviously the end goal but it's a good habit to start at the beginning. The reason I didn't have to borrow any more money was because I had already saved what I needed for emergency's, even holidays! You do have to treat yourself.

Gifting
Make a list of who you need to buy for and track what you purchase to avoid getting them the same thing every year. I theme each year to avoid this and keep track of all previous gifts given.

Charity shops are my favourite. Do you have a friend that loves reading? A few £ will buy them books that they will really appreciate rather than that £10 gifts set from boots.
Kids... have you herd of the rock craze? Google it, you could easily paint a selection of FREE rocks, even turn it into a treasure hunt for them. It requires effort and forward planning but kids will remember doing things rather than that T-shirt you purchased.
Do you have kids? My favourite items I receive are made by the kids, they truely are priceless.
Sales- look at every sale going for stocking fillers etc and keep an eye on primark etc all year round for socks, pants and general stocking items. Aldi market is my fav for gathering stocking fillers.

Lastly wrapping. Do you buy wrapping for every gift? Some people have a stash a lot like I do at home but not everyone does.
I wrap a lot of gifts for close family in cloth. Bed sheets, T-shirt's or fabric from the bargain bins. This is all reusable. Start collecting Christmas fabrics, tea towels throws etc in sales and build your own reusable wrapping for stockings for kids etc. The item costs £1/50p now but you will never need to buy rolls of paper again.

Shop your house
Much like shopping your own wardrobe
If you have read my whole diary you will know that I have spent the last year using up everything in my house. Body lotions, creams, shoes, clothes.
I have repaired all my clothes this year until they are completely non usable anymore... than they become wrapping material!
Body lotions... I have saved a fortune on baby oil as I have kicked that for the body lotions I used to dump. Saving a fortune.
Make up, I used everything up I really did have a lot and saved a fortune.
To many socks? Could these be cut and sewn to repurpose as tissues? Boxes of tissues when your sick add up, soft material is so much nicer on my nose and the environment.
Shower gel! Ditch it! Dove soap bars are only 25p a bar and last atleast a month! That's a £4 a year roughly on washing. Also plastic free.

Lastly, start a blog on here, remain honest with yourself. I wouldn't have paid my debt off without this place.

Sorry it was long but if this puts one person on the right track then I'm happy.

LadyP01

Tough realisation for OH yesterday.

Probably won't be the last time I have to explain this to him.

He's struggling on the budget massively. I thought he was doing well but it's just not working out for him. He's yet to go a month without 'borrowing' from his next months allowance. When I asked what he thought the solution might be? He simple said he needed a bigger allowance
*palm...face*
I explained that we don't need bigger allowances and that actually we need to make better choices with our money.
He was also under the impression this wouldn't last forever so I payed out our future finances and where we will be and how I coudnt see how we would have any more than £50 extra a month if we wanted to have all the things we wanted.
A slow realisation and what looked like defeat. It's so hard to see the disappointment but at the same time once we are at the end of his debt and his journey and he has money for all the things he wants he will feel great. He just always wants to spend the money he has for which makes me worry about any future savings we might have as his other solution to pay for things is to use our emergency pots.

It's always a battle and I think it always will be a battle. I wonder if we should start doing money silently like some couples do where one person does everything and the other hasn't a clue. That was he won't get so down hearted about things. I just like him to be fully in the know.