Money Moral Dilemma: Should I buy an engagement gift for my fiance?

Janie_Zebra

I've NEVER heard of something so blinking ridiculous! An engagement WATCH?!!!! Being engaged is not about showing off "wealth"... its showing love. You could get engaged with a haribo ring and it would mean a million times more love and affection than swapping expensive gifts.

either
a) Offer him the ring back to buy something more modest, then he can have the rest of the cash to buy himself a watch of his own.

b) make/ paint/ take a beautiful photograph to remind him of your happy occasion.

c) if he feels that this is how the marriage should work (aka buy each other expensive items when you cannot afford things...) just give him back the ring and walk away. Your marriage would be ridden with money worries.

ButterflyLC

A gift is a gift. I bought my now husband one of the men's curb link identity bracelets as he had talked about buying one for himself as he really liked them. He didn't ask for it and I wasn't told to buy him it either. It is up to you whether you buy him something or not.

I'd seriously be considering who I am marrying if he told me the amount he spent on my ring and then asked for the equivalent amount as a gift! How far does it go? If your wedding ring is double the price of his will he be wanting the extra to buy something else for himself? Your wedding dress will cost a lot more than his wedding attire, so does he get the extra for himself? Very cheeky if you ask me...

ButterflyLC

Sadie73 wrote: »

Personally I don't know why people think the grand gesture of a man choosing a ring is the done thing, I know too many people who received rings they wouldn't have chosen because they didn't get to help choose an important piece of jewellery that is meant to be worn and loved for the duration of a marriage. My advice would be to choose a beautiful ring together and you will continue to love it.

My husband went and picked a ring that if they laid all of my options in front of me it's the one I would have picked. He has great taste in jewellery. He picked out my eternity ring, again it's the one I would have picked. And without telling him I was doubting my choice of wedding ring, he told me I should have got the other one (I was between two) and he was right. But I do see your point. However some women would pick an unaffordable ring in that case. I believe you do what suits you best as a couple.

Learning_Curve

Never heard of the lady getting engaged having to buy her fiance a present in return for an engagement ring! It's tradition that the man buys the ring and to expect a present back - and that it has to be equal value as well, rings warning bells for me as to his character. Is he mature enough to make this commitment? Is he going to be controlling you and expecting like for like for everything? Is he too stubborn and resents paying for the ring? I'd be very concerned.

Lizzie_BH

Pollycat wrote: »

The poster I quoted and disagreed with was not comparing what her partner spent on her engagement ring with anyone else.

She merely stated that because it was more than she expected but within his means, it demonstrated to her his seriousness.

I don't agree with that.

Didn't think I needed to. Of course it's relative to the person's income, and also to how much you both value the ring as a symbol of your commitment. A lot of people choose not to have a ring at all, and that doesn't make their engagement any less valid – I'm just saying that in my own relationship, we like the tradition, and knowing that it's important to him, the fact that he budgeted and planned for it shows me that he's really thought about it and the engagement wasn't a whim.

Ebenezer_Screwj

What a very clinical and monetary suggestion from your fianc!. Of course he's bought you a ring, that's man men do when they propose - but shouldn't you be saving money for your future life together instead of buying expensive trinkets?

Gavin83

Ebenezer_Screwj wrote: »

What a very clinical and monetary suggestion from your fianc!. Of course he's bought you a ring, that's man men do when they propose - but shouldn't you be saving money for your future life together instead of buying expensive trinkets?

Couldn't the same be said for buying an engagement ring? After all that's just another expensive trinket.

I get that it's tradition that the man buys the woman an engagement ring but isnt it also tradition that she buys him a wedding present and give it to him just before the wedding day? Certainly happened in every wedding I've been to.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Ebenezer_Screwj wrote: »

What a very clinical and monetary suggestion from your fianc!. Of course he's bought you a ring, that's man men do when they propose - but shouldn't you be saving money for your future life together instead of buying expensive trinkets?

Still waiting for mine.... :cool:

Pollycat

Gavin83 wrote: »

I get that it's tradition that the man buys the woman an engagement ring but isnt it also tradition that she buys him a wedding present and give it to him just before the wedding day? Certainly happened in every wedding I've been to.

Is it a tradition?
I've never heard of it
I've been married twice and didn't buy either husband a wedding present

strawberries1

This tit for tat attitude to giving is a romance killer. You'll end up feeling like flatmates or work mates if he continues asking you to match all he does. No one should demand a gift. Give him back the ring to purchase the watch he wants. That way he's confident it's equal!