any ideas lazy ex

121sally

was married for 12 years now divorced 4 years i have new partner and a new child. my ex also has new partner who is now married to him and has a new child. my problem is that he doesn't work he stays at home looking after his new child whilst claiming incapacity benefit which enables wife to go to work full time. My two children from him recieve £5 a week to share between them from the csa from him and i cannot claim anything else as my partner works. My partner is expected legally to support my children which he doesn't mind doing but if he was to refuse i wouldn't be able to claim anything for them. any one out there have any ideas

justontime

If he is on incapacity benefit he is not lazy, he is not fit to work. If you suspect he is exaggerating his symptoms then he will be caught out at his next review. They are much stricter about such things these days. If he chooses to stay at home to care for his child there is little you can do about it. I sympathise with your situation, I had a fairly similar predicament. Unfortunately the rules for CSA as for many other benefits are imperfect and they leave many of us feeling that the way we are treated is unfair. I wish I could be more helpful.

kelloggs36

You are not in a bad situation really. you have a working partner who is extremely unlikely to withdraw support for your children - if he does then that says something about him and if it were me, I would be seriously reconsidering my relationship with him. Of course legally he has no obligation but he has accepted the responsibility by doing so. As for your ex, yes he does have a legal responsibility and he is currently fulfilling this. He is on incapacity benefit which means that he has passed whatever criteria has been set (whether you agree or not is neither here nor there unless you have evidence that he is lying). He is doing his other family a favour by being a stay at home dad - there is nothing wrong with this but because he is a man then it is considered to be lazy????? If HE had the children and YOU chose to stay at home after having children with a new partner, would you consider yourself lazy??? Just be balanced on your views. There isn't anything you can do, but get on with your life and enjoy your children.

121sally

The fact that i think he is lazy has nothing to do with the fact that he is a man, i lived with him for over 12 years and have had this problem for that long, i have seen the selective use of back problems when it suits, i have seen him sitting all day playing video games blaming back but doing little to help himself. with me running about after him waiting hand and foot and then when his back feels better he hops it down the pub to stand and prop up the bar spending benefit money.I find it incredible that a person that has severe enough back problems that he cannot work but he can look after a active 3 year old, any parent can tell you at the best of times is not an effortless job and takes up alot of bending and picking up. My new partner loves my children and would never withdraw support. I was just after any sort of advice rather than critisism after finding if unfair that i cannot claim from his new wife as yes they are not her children but neither are they my partners. she married him so knew what she was taking on my partner and i are not married so is not legally bound to me

Scarlett1

121sally wrote: »

The fact that i think he is lazy has nothing to do with the fact that he is a man, i lived with him for over 12 years and have had this problem for that long, i have seen the selective use of back problems when it suits, i have seen him sitting all day playing video games blaming back but doing little to help himself. with me running about after him waiting hand and foot and then when his back feels better he hops it down the pub to stand and prop up the bar spending benefit money.I find it incredible that a person that has severe enough back problems that he cannot work but he can look after a active 3 year old, any parent can tell you at the best of times is not an effortless job and takes up alot of bending and picking up. My new partner loves my children and would never withdraw support. I was just after any sort of advice rather than critisism after finding if unfair that i cannot claim from his new wife as yes they are not her children but neither are they my partners. she married him so knew what she was taking on my partner and i are not married so is not legally bound to me

Your ex's new wife isnt responsible for the upkeep of your child its your and your ex's role, if you feel that he is exaggerating his symptons then report him, I know £5 per week isnt a lot (£5 more than I get) but at least you have another partner who is supporting you as a family, as long as he is claiming IB then he doesnt have to pay anymore so its just a case of accepting the situation, sorry

kelloggs36

The fact that your partner has taken you both on was his choice but as your ex's partner doesn't live with your child, she didn't make that choice. Yes she stuck with him knowing that HE has a responsibility towards his children, but it doesn't make her liable for payments. Your partner does by default because he lives with you and no other reason.

Strapped

Just wondering, OP, do you work yourself?

121sally

no i dont at the moment i have a 3 year old son thats at nursery but as soon as he goes full time i will be going back to work for some much needed extra money

Strapped

So, just so I'm clear - it's OK for you to stay home with your new child, but not OK for him to stay home with his new child? (And, as you pointed out, he's actually on incapacity).

121sally

The point being is that my partner and I support all of our children and they dont ever go without and that is no thanks to their father. My son recently had a sponsored 10 mile walk so he went round the street asking for sponsors, the old lady across the road even sponsored him a fiver but when it came to asking his father his reply was "i'll sponsor you a penny a mile or bu***r that get your school to lobby the local MP", try telling a 12 year old that it doesn't matter, my partner and I sponsored him £10 and we have less money coming into the household then in his fathers house.I have lived with that man for over 12 years and seen how selective his back can be depending on how much sympathy he can get, but unfortunately the benefit system can be quite easily misled. I was not asking for the right or wrongs of the system just enquiring if there was anyone who had any advice on the situation.And before you start on about men and i have a downer on them I am well aware there are plenty out there who do wonders for their children and spend plenty of time and effort to be with their children and I applaud them for that but there are also plenty who dont. I have had to force my ex to spend more time with his children and that cant be right

kelloggs36

Unfortunately yours is a case where there is nothing you can do but to take pride in what you and your new partner are doing and continue to bring up your children the best way you can. YOur ex is doing everything legally and is paying albeit a very minimal amount and that is all that the law can ask him to do. Let it go.