My dad's safety is in danger and no one wants to know!! Please help me :(

decoydream

Hi there, I'm a first time poster after a lot of lurking and humming and haa-ing about posting, but now I'm at the end of my tether and don't know what to do, who to turn to or what to even say anymore. And if this is in the wrong section, I'm really sorry.

My dad is 64 years old, has heart failure and is disabled. He lives alone about 35 miles away from me (45 min drive) and it is just me and him - I have no siblings and my mum died when I was young. He has no form of transport and cannot get to me, point blank. He lives in a council house and relies on this heavily. He does not need an altered house for his disability, a ground floor flat or a bungalow would be better but absolutely not necessary. What we want is for him to be moved closer to me, but still through a council housing association. It would be changing boroughs, different housing associations. He is currently with 'Home Group' (County Durham) and apparently they do have some houses my borough (Cleveland/Teesside). So that set the scene.

Now what's happened... my dad's building is flats and he in on the ground floor and there is a tenant above him. He is a nasty man, in his 30s, deals drugs, fights, has an awful criminal record and would have parties all day all night. My dad complained ONCE to him and he didn't listen, told him to eff off, slammed the door in his face and all night him and his friends taunted my dad by knocking on his door/windows etc. Scared, my dad complained to home group, they had a word with him and it spiralled from there. This man would record my dad every time he left the house, swear at him, threaten him, have his friends come downstairs and scare him. Then, he disappeared. We thought it was the end but it wasn't. 3 nights ago, he came back to pick up his stuff and my dad looked out the window to see what the commotion was. This man spotted my dad, cursed at him, yelled at him and then sped off down the road. He then came back and said these exact words to my dad:
"Now I'm gone, I'm going to get you. I'm going to kill you. I hope you'll enjoy dying of a heart attack because that's how you're going to go and you wont expect me". Exact words. This man has a criminal record. He has been in jail for assault. He will hurt my dad, he has tried, he will succeed. My dad is eldery and disabled. He cannot protect himself.

My dad is terrified and is scared if he says anything it will get worse. He has given a statement to the police who at the moment are holding fire. He has tried to talk to his housing assosication and they literally filed an "anti social behaviour" report and that's that. Many of these have been filed before and nothing has happened. Furious, I have called the house assosciation who passed me onto my borough's assosciation. They then passed me onto my local council, who then passed me to my dad's local council... who then reffered me back to Home Group. I am exhausted and mortified and do not know where to go. Who will help me? Everyone has lisened to our story and can't/won't help us. We need to get my dad moved, ASAP. Here. Closer to me where I can look after him.

I'm sorry this is long and garbled but I am upset and scared and don't know what to do. He doesn't know what to do. I'll accept any help/advice/anything. I just don't know what to do and each hour that ticks by is an hour that I'm spent in anxious agony in case something happens.

easilydistracted

This sounds really scary. I'm not sure why the police are not taking action as he has received threats to kill. Has he applied to your housing association? Is there any way that he can find other accommodation for over 55s only and apply direct? It sounds like you and your dad need help from an agency who can advocate for him. Victim support and Age Concern spring to mind. I'm sure there others too. Hope that provides a starting point.

LilElvis

If you believe he is in real and imminent danger then go and bring him back to stay with you until you can ascertain what you can arrange for his housing.

*max*

LilElvis wrote: »

If you believe he is in real and imminent danger then go and bring him back to stay with you until you can ascertain what you can arrange for his housing.

Absolutely this.

I would go now and get him to come stay with you. He is clearly scared and distressed, which cannot be doing his health any good. Nevermind trying to get the council to move him for now, it won't happen overnight anyway; the priority is to make him feel safe again.

annandale

I would imagine the police aren't taking action because the OPs dad doesn't have a witness to what was said. I've been through similar and the police did nothing because I didn't have a witness.

Can you contact your Mp?

In the short term I agree,your priority is to get him out of there.

decoydream

easilydistracted wrote: »

This sounds really scary. I'm not sure why the police are not taking action as he has received threats to kill. Has he applied to your housing association? Is there any way that he can find other accommodation for over 55s only and apply direct? It sounds like you and your dad need help from an agency who can advocate for him. Victim support and Age Concern spring to mind. I'm sure there others too. Hope that provides a starting point.

The police aren't taking action because my dad has asked them not to do so because he is so scared. He is worried that if anything does happen to this man and a) something comes of it, his friends would be after my dad or b) if nothing comes from it, this man will definitely do something 10x worse than he is threatening right now. He is frozen from fear. I shall look into those names you have mentioned, thank you very much, any advice is much appreciated.

decoydream

LilElvis wrote: »

If you believe he is in real and imminent danger then go and bring him back to stay with you until you can ascertain what you can arrange for his housing.

*max* wrote: »

Absolutely this.

I would go now and get him to come stay with you. He is clearly scared and distressed, which cannot be doing his health any good. Nevermind trying to get the council to move him for now, it won't happen overnight anyway; the priority is to make him feel safe again.

It is unfortunately not viable. I live in shared accommodation myself, I have one room and shared kitchen/living room. If I had a place to myself, I would have moved him in immediately, no questions asked or thought about it. I am considering paying for him to stay in a nearby B&B for a little while, there would be a lot of discomfort involved on his behalf but I feel it would be worth it. What do you think?

thorsoak

decoydream wrote: »

It is unfortunately not viable. I live in shared accommodation myself, I have one room and shared kitchen/living room. If I had a place to myself, I would have moved him in immediately, no questions asked or thought about it. I am considering paying for him to stay in a nearby B&B for a little while, there would be a lot of discomfort involved on his behalf but I feel it would be worth it. What do you think?

Don't delay - do it as soon as you can today. But make sure that you tell the police, the housing association and everybody else what you are doing and why.

Pop_Up_Pirate

Move him into a privately rented flat near you.

pollypenny

I would contact Age Uk, as well as the police, to see if they can help in finding suitable accommodation near you.

meer53

Sounds as though he has moved out ? People like that are bullies, hopefully now he has gone his threats will remain just that. I'd keep an eye on your Dad, call him every day, could you visit him each day ? My Mum lived 40 miles away from me, when she was ill i drove every night after work to see her, it was a temporary measure but i had to do it. Speak to the housing association to see if he has actually moved away and contact the Police yourself to make sure they will go if anything else happens. Does he have any other neighbours you could involve ?