Both working - fairest way to split the finances.

ConnieJ

I'm finding this forum really interesting.
I think perhaps as a couple you have different styles, your partner buoys himself up with constant activities and treats whereas you keep your head down, work hard and don't spend any money on yourself. So far both coping strategies have worked for you as a family, but it sounds like your partners had a lot more fun! Really it wouldn't have mattered to your finances if you'd had the occasional beauty treatment or designer purchase over the last 20 years but you didn't feel comfortable with the idea. That was your choice. Spending a little money on your appearance is not really a luxury, its more of a courtesy to yourself and others. Don't ask your partner or us for permission and don't complicate the issue with lots of different bank accounts for this, that and the other - just do it!!!!

maman

TeamPlum wrote: »

After 21 years you're now deciding it's time to split the finances.


I must admit that I can't understand the mind-set of "Yes, I'll share my life, hopes, wishes, kids and experiences with you, but hands off my money".

Ours goes into the joint account, and that's it. It doesn't matter who's earned more/less because we've supported each other over the years as the circumstances changed. When she was at uni, I earned more, now we're in our late 20's she earns more.


I don't begrudge her anything, but if it's a big purchase, we discuss it, rather than just halving the pile and running off with our own share.


I wouldn't have got married if I was terrified that she was going to get her hands on my cash pile and squander it.

That's your opinion and I respect your right to think that. I just don't agree.


I like the independence having my own finances gives me. Just like I enjoy going out with friends and having my own interests. Just because I married my husband and love him dearly, we aren't joined at the hip. I think our relationship is better for not spending all our time (and money) together.

itsanne

bshah999 wrote: »

I agree with what Getmore4less says.

You have to be able to talk to each other about your finances and plan ahead.

By the way, am I the only one that has noted the MoodyMel and redmel16...

No, you're not.

armchairexpert

MoodyMel, I completely understand both the resentment that your partner fritters, and the feeling that you can't spend on yourself - I have definitely done both, even though the latter is self imposed. For me, having a set amount of personal spending money was as much about giving myself permission to treat myself occasionally as it was anything else, and I think that might be the case for you too. In our case it's not physically separate accounts, it's just different lines on the YNAB budget. We each withdraw an amount in cash every week and don't record those individual spends because it's our own business; if I make an online purchase that counts as a personal spend, I reduce the cash accordingly to the same total.

Anyway, it sounds like you're sorted out, and the joint account/separate spends model will work well for you. I just wanted to add that there's another layer of decision making here, namely, what counts as personal spends?

For us, for example, we decided not to count clothes, haircuts or makeup as personal spends. That's because a) neither of us are extravagant with clothes so there's no resentment around what's spent and b) my position was that when I worked full-time, hair and makeup were part of the 'uniform', and I didn't see why I should spend my personal money on something that I wasn't really choosing to buy, if that makes sense? Women's haircuts cost a lot more for no very good reason, even cheap makeup adds up: you might as well claim that sanitary products come out of pocket money, which is obviously mad.

We also have a set amount each for extra curriculars. His hobby costs more than mine, so he tops up from his spends, but putting a hobby line into the budget was our way of saying "this is an important priority to us as a couple, to make sure that both of us have an activity we enjoy, and that's covered by joint money" - does that make sense?

Anyway, maybe not helpful to you, but I find it fascinating what people do and don't put into joint budgets, it says so much about what our priorities as a family are.

seven-day-weekend

Our pensions (and when we worked, our wages), go into two joint accounts. When we were working, his wages went into one joint account, mine into another. Now we have two pensions each, the lower amount pensions go into one account, the higher amount pensions into another. The higher ones pay the bills and expenses, including budgeted savings. The other account pays for incidental household bills, dental and medical costs, holiday savings, charity giving etc. Any left goes into savings.

All savings are in individual names. In addition to our 'general' savings, which neither of us would spend without consulting the other, we each have an account into which goes a sum of money each month for our own personal spending. Anything else we might have, like my husbands money from his art and music, depends on who brought it in and is 'their' money. All other money apart from personal spending money is ;'ours'.

Hope this helps.

enthusiasticsaver

It sounds like you have come to an agreement which is good. We have our salary in my case, pension in OH case paid into our joint account. All bills are paid from there. We use a credit card for food and fuel which is paid off in full by direct debit each month (for cashback). Savings pots are filled and standing orders for same amount go to each of our personal accounts. My OH fritters his. Mine paid for a Caribbean holiday with my sister last month . Sometimes I just let mine build up and buy some new clothes etc. OH spends on his hobbies but he has to keep tight check on it now it is his own personal money he spends not our joint family money. Works for us.

fred246

I earned 12250 times more than my wife this month. All our earnings go into a joint account and then she spends it. Apparently I am in charge of saving and she is in charge of spending.