Help me help my brother!!!

madbadger

I will try and get a proper SOA thingie off him shortly. But basically he owes a fair whack yet lives in some dream world (well pre light bulb moment!). He spends alot on drinking and socialising, the odd flutter at the bookies...

He owes my mum about £9k! this is interest free, but she could do with some kind of payment back a month ideally. Currently nothing is paid back a month!

He owes a career development loan of about £10k and the student loans lots! He pays a figure monthly for the career development loan and only £4 a month on his student loan.

His overdraft is usually maxed out to £2k and it is not unusal for him to go over and get charged £35 a shot!

He owes a few friends some money, not sure how much it totals. He seems to do this every month, paying someone back but with money off someone else!

He had to take his car off the road atm as he can't afford to run it.

He probably spends between £250 to £500 a month on drinking! One weekend alone he managed to spend £250!!! I was like... HOW?!?

He has a pay as you go phone, probably spends between £5 to £20 a month on it

His rent is £250 a month

His share of bills will be about £100 a month (he will be living with me and my hubbie soon in our mum's other house, so we will make sure we get best deals for insurance etc!) - told him he wasn't allowed sky! He huffed about that! Says he might be bored living with us so will have to join a gambling site!!!

Food he just robs off my mum! (guess its money saving for him lol!)

Don't think he spends on much else, we don't tend to get presents off him lol!

Sorry this post is abit all over the place, I just have to type things as they come to mind as its not me. I hope its okay to post for my brother, as I really think him reading your replies with really help him see sense!

Tashja

Hi hun

What a great sister your brother has.

Only problem is you can't mke your brother change and while he is Pre-LBM I don't think you are going to be able to help him. Any money you manage to get him to save he will just see as extra spends.

How old is your brother.

Good luck hun

T xx

madbadger

Thank you for your reply! And congrats on your pregnancy! (I have a 15 weeks old baby boy!)

He is 26, so it is time for him to get his head out of the clouds now!

My mum reckons the student loans is about £18k and she says he spends minimum £400 a month drinking, I was very conservative with £250!

chevalier

How old is he
How much does he get paid a month?
9k to your mum:mad: , that is really not on. I think she will have to be strong and tell him that paying her back is more important than drinking and socialising! I can understan spending £250 in one night though if he is buying big rounds to keep up appearances with his mates.

I would say he needs to understand the following.
Spending large amounts on drink a month is bad for his health as well as his wealth.

Borrowing off mates and not paying them back (of if he is by borrowing off another mate), is going to end up with him having no friends as they will soon get umped off with him sponging off them all of the time.

He needs to see that he can't carry on free loading off people like this, his mum especially.
And he needs to get a grip now before he gets into serious trouble.

If he is coming to your then I would suggest the you install gamblock software on your computer, so he can't access gambling sites from your home anyway.

But you have to be strong too. Ie no giving him money because he is skint. I would tell all of his friends not to lend him money too. That might be the wake up call he needs.

chev

madbadger

He earns about £900-£1000 a month depending on the season. I know my mum would like to start to enjoy her money! Thank you for the suggestion of the gambling block! Will definately make sure I get that! He said I am boring because I don't want Sky but I think he is reckless and I know what I would prefer to be!

Shineyhappy

I think you are in a very unfortunate position. You can not force anyone to have their light bulb moments, but you can talk to your family members and ask them not to lend your brother any more cash and maybe think about suggesting your mum goes with your brother to his bank to set up a direct debit or standing order to pay your mum back a certain amount automatically every month.

Your brother comes accross as being a tad immature and not used to living in the real world as far as money, bills and rent are concerned. I hope for sake that he will come to his senses but if he doesnt dont argue with your OH about this as your brother will eventually need to learn to stand on his own two feet.

matthewking26

I'd ask a question here, why are you letting him move in with you? In his mind that just encourages him to carry on spending as you're going to be looking after him and will bail him out of any problems. Any bad debt he builds up there may be connected to your house on your credit records too.

If he's pre LBM and already owes that much, isnt it about time he stood up on his own?

He's the same age as me and I lived with someone who cleared my debts twice and I just built them back up again. It was only when I was on my own, paying my own rent that I had my LBM and realised the need to stop paying the bank £150 a month of my hard earned cash.

Not trying to be mean but tough love might be more useful in the long run.

And I remember being pre LBM , anything you say to him about his debts, he'll probably ignore until he's ready.

You could offer him Sky in a years time if he's saved enough to pay for it by then. Or point out his debt or alcohol payments are more than the shiniest 2 million channel subscription would be.

SarahNeedle1872

madbadger wrote: »

I will try and get a proper SOA thingie off him shortly. But basically he owes a fair whack yet lives in some dream world (well pre light bulb moment!). He spends alot on drinking and socialising, the odd flutter at the bookies...

He owes my mum about £9k! this is interest free, but she could do with some kind of payment back a month ideally. Currently nothing is paid back a month!

He owes a career development loan of about £10k and the student loans lots! He pays a figure monthly for the career development loan and only £4 a month on his student loan.

His overdraft is usually maxed out to £2k and it is not unusal for him to go over and get charged £35 a shot!

He owes a few friends some money, not sure how much it totals. He seems to do this every month, paying someone back but with money off someone else!

He had to take his car off the road atm as he can't afford to run it.

He probably spends between £250 to £500 a month on drinking! One weekend alone he managed to spend £250!!! I was like... HOW?!?

He has a pay as you go phone, probably spends between £5 to £20 a month on it

His rent is £250 a month

His share of bills will be about £100 a month (he will be living with me and my hubbie soon in our mum's other house, so we will make sure we get best deals for insurance etc!) - told him he wasn't allowed sky! He huffed about that! Says he might be bored living with us so will have to join a gambling site!!!

Food he just robs off my mum! (guess its money saving for him lol!)

Don't think he spends on much else, we don't tend to get presents off him lol!

Sorry this post is abit all over the place, I just have to type things as they come to mind as its not me. I hope its okay to post for my brother, as I really think him reading your replies with really help him see sense!

Hi MadBadger,

or course its ok to post here for your brother!

I def agree with Chev, u need to get some kindof software on ur comp to stop ur bro accessing gambling sites.... now the rest of what I am going to say may be a little contraversial, so please don't take this the wrong way, as I obviously don't know u or ur family situation...

Is it such a good idea that ur brother comes to live with u? Bearing in mind u have a partner and a small baby, are u sure that in the long term it is not going to cause u problems? From what u have said, ur brother doesn't seem to have much of a handle of his money if he's already borrowed £9k fron ur Mum, and borrows from friends to repay friends all the time! AND he appears to think that socialising is more important than repaying his family/friends.

Are u certain u are going to get ur rent/bills money every month? Can u put ur hand on ur heart and say u will be strong enough not to give him cash when he runs short? And if things don't work out, do you want the extra pressure that this may put on ur family, esp with a young baby in the house?

As I said, I hope u haven't taken offense, as none was intended, just something to think about.
I definately think u should show ur brother this thread when u have a few more replies, and I hope he is aware of what a wonderful sister he has to care for him like this!

Sarah x

madbadger

I know it sounds strange moving in with him but there is a reason for this, as I said it is my mum and dad's other house. We don't have much money ourselves, no debt though :j and my mum is letting both my brother and I buy the house off her so no mortgage and nasty interest just paying back what the house is worth! She can't favour either one of us, so its our only option atm! He might settle down with a nice girl at some point and we can give him some money for his share of the house.

RAS

I would suggest that you take careful advice on this, as you could find it unfurling in the future.

Whose names will be on the deeds? If you are joint owners, you could become fully liable for joint debts, but you would not be able to sell it if you needed to unless he agreed.

Would you be considered financially linked to your brother (not a good idea by the sound of things)?

You need to see a lawyer; the cost will be well worth it.

rayday2

To be honest I think and you will probably shoot me for this but the reason your brother is so terrible with money is down to his family! He has 9k that he owes his mum and now she is basically giving him a house at cut price, far too much help and will not make him wake up and smell the coffee!

It does not matter how good you and your mum are with money he will be useless right until it gets critical!

I agree with above cheap house or not I would rather take a lodger in than be financially linked to someone like that, he sounds disrespectful with money and I have a feeling may prove difficult to live with!