Cherry takes the reins

Cherryfudge

This is true @Floss. I'm certainly not ready to go back. I'd be at high risk of undoing healing because it's super-stressful there now (ironically, partly due to staff sickness). I think until the pressure from higher management eases. it will go on being that way. If I leave, my exit questionnaire will reflect that.

I had a quick look at the current jobs and there's a cleaning job nearby which would be well within my scope and far less stressful. It only pays about £100 a week, but could be combined with the job I've already applied for - but do I want it? The pay might entitle me to some benefits, but the hours (5-7pm) would cut right across tea time. That wouldn't be good: it's a natural low point when we need rest and food, and a bonus of being off has been that I generally eat with DH and I've been able to cook from scratch a lot instead of being worn out and leaving DH to grab something from the supermarket. Those are strong reasons for not wanting to go for it. If it were 7-9pm, it would be another story - those hours are a lot easier for me.

I've not managed much this morning but the top two shelves of the bathroom cabinet are cleaned and rearranged, and I've ordered a cardigan to wear with an outfit for a wedding next month (£12.99).

Cherryfudge

I really haven't done much at all today. At first I thought it was just a day with grey skies and nothing scheduled (and the idea was to use Thursdays to review mental health things and see where I'm up to), but I've been getting  more and more tired. I've done some work on an overview of spending during May, but need some more awakeness to check through bank statements.

I went out for groceries and also netted a lovely Denby sugar bowl for £4, which is very nice. It's an old design called Homestead and I'm gradually collecting more and more pieces of it.

We had tuna pasta for dinner, and I've been nibbling too many carbs, which isn't wise. By the evening I was back at the point of sleepy and cold again so I went to have a lie down with a hot water bottle and a quiet read. It turned into a visual migraine, which tends to means I've been too tired for too long. Thankfully although this one really distorted things a lot, it passed quite soon as mine always do. 

Spending:
Hobby £4
Housekeeping £18.38
Household £1.50
Clothing £12.99
I also got a free loaf of bread from L1dl thanks to having spent £50+ last month. It was still warm from the oven and delicious so I had a couple of slices regardless of not normally having bread.

Cherryfudge

I've decided at least some of the tiredness yesterday will have been due to antihistamines, they always get to me. Today I'm more awake (and haven't needed to treat hay fever). I did the usual stint of hoovering at church and watering the church garden either side of lunchtime, and was organised enough to take some snacks and a drink so I was less tempted to buy stuff on the way home.

I did get some of the new wonder water for hair (I don't remember quite what it's called) which was a planned spend, then got potatoes, onions and bananas in L1dl on the way home.

I haven't got a huge amount done, just laundry and some tidying in the kitchen, but at least I didn't go back to sleep. We had corned beef hash for tea, which helps decrease the amount left in the overwinter emergency cupboard. I intend to build it up with fresh stocks later in the year (regardless of what my children says about 'One of us will always get your shopping if you need it'!) I didn't ever urgently need it last winter but several times it saved us from last minute trips out at the end of a cold day.

I've also paid off the CC. I was worried that I might be increasing how much I put on it but looking back it's hard to tell. There are definite blips around Christmas and paying for holidays, much of which was about getting loyalty points on larger spends. I suppose that as long as I pay the card off, what is important is the state of the bank balance.

A couple of nice surprises this evening: Firstly a big hedgehog started wandering round the garden and we were able to watch it for a while, and secondly, DS2, who's been out of touch for a while, got back to me to show interest in the heggie and let me know he's paid what he owes DH for accommodation for the July wedding. That's also nice because it goes back into the account that's a bit leaner due to me being on sick leave.

Spending:
Toiletries £4.99
Housekeeping £3.39

Floss

That's good that your son contacted you. My 2 are at opposite ends on the "keep in touch" range - youngest rings me about twice a week, sometimes just for a few minutes, whereas eldest is about every 6 weeks but is on the phone for over an hour.

Cherryfudge

Floss said:

That's good that your son contacted you. My 2 are at opposite ends on the "keep in touch" range - youngest rings me about twice a week, sometimes just for a few minutes, whereas eldest is about every 6 weeks but is on the phone for over an hour.

I joke that I know he's all right if the Police haven't been in touch, but really I check that he's still active on WhatsApp. I know he works crazy hours and often reads but doesn't reply.

Cherryfudge

I really couldn't settle so I gave up trying to sleep and came down. The current remedy is computer, a new e-book (which I'm not going to start yet as I need to keep my mind slowed down now I've finally it got there), hot water bottle, socks, a single ibuprofen for backache and a hot drink. Once the ibuprofen and heat have done their work I'll go back to bed.

I can feel from the backache that I was right about needing a hose as well as watering cans for the church garden so I've been doing a bit of research. 

I'm reading a diary on here about someone else who's been coping with a super-stressful workplace. It's very helpful reading other people's experiences and thoughts even though the details vary. I still need to do some sort of overview of my own situation, even if it's sketchy. A week ago I was swinging wildly between positives and negatives and found it totally impossible to know what I really wanted. I think that's a way that autism showed itself: a mixture of overthinking and difficulty seeing myself and my feelings, combined with the 'shock' effect of changes, which gives me a period after any change when there's emotional fallout. I could see the 'shock' element before I knew about the autism. Once I've had time to get over it, things are easier. I suppose that's the way for most people, but I don't know (only ever having been me).

Well, there's light high up to the north east and a bird is starting to sing so perhaps its time to think about sleep again.

Cherryfudge

That really wasn't one of my better night's sleep (4 till 8.15 including half an hour's break that I don't remember) but I think I rested more than the tracker allowed for, as I've not been too tired today. We had to be up for DGD who was with us while her parents had a parents' 'evening' at nursery. We settled her down by watching 'Bluey' - however did I bring up a family without that programme? I then took her out in the sunshine and she experimented with touching the leaves and flowers till her parents arrived, after which she charged up and down the hall throwing herself at us. What it is to be a toddler!

I've said I can help out with some dates when H has to work outside her normal hours, though there were one or two I couldn't be sure of. If I'm working I have tons of leave to take so I'll just have to remember to check though my diary and make sure those days are booked.

They are off on a last-minute holiday this week so we have a day off on Tuesday. DH was going to have to wait in as his medication delivery has to be received in person, but he's starting to worry about the side effects so it's possible he'll ask them not to send it. He ended up in A&E with a reaction to a somewhat related drug years ago, and doesn't want a repeat performance. I think he's seeing the consultant on Wednesday and will be able to discuss it. He still has the other drug to keep him stable. Anyhow, the upshot is we might be able to treat ourselves to a mid-week day out.

This afternoon was another car boot sale in a baking hot field. I gave in and bought tomato plants among other things, as this year's were a failure. Other than that we got chips from the chippie for lunch and somehow got groceries from three different supermarkets.

I've promised myself to pot on at least one of the herbs before bedtime tonight. I took a few more branches off the top of the damson tree, but really not much has happened in the garden recently.

Today's spending:
Housekeeping £16.79 + chips + whatever DH spent.
Garden £1.50
Stationery 40p
Household £1.10
e-book 99p
Entertainment £2
Gift £5
Book 20p
Hobby 50p

Sun_Addict

I’ve only got one tomato plant 🙁 so hoping to source a few more. You do so well in charity shops and car boots. 

Cherryfudge

If necessary you could put the side shoots into compost, @Sun_Addict. You know - the ones that are supposed to be removed so the plant grows more vigorously.  They would have a bit of catching up to do of course but they are also already germinated.

The only home-grown things that look like having any success here are ghost pumpkins. I saved seeds last year and they are just showing growth, which is quite exciting.

Sun_Addict

Thank you for that tip @Cherryfudge, I didn’t know you could do that. Certainly worth a try as they usually just get thrown away.