Can't afford to stay in a relationship

rockingbilly

p00hsticks wrote: »

But in real life you can't just arbitrarily 'exclude any housing costs'. People need to live somewhere, and housing benefit and council tax reductions rarely cover the full cost these days. Not to mention other costs such as insurance etc. That theoretical £73.65 saving and more could quite quickly be swallowed up by the additional costs involved in having two households rather than one. (and that's why the benefits system pays less for a couple in a single household than two people living separately)

Not entirely correct for everyone.

We could splt - I would live with one of our daughters (not 200metres away) and my estranged wife would remain in our home. Apart from maybe some extra costs for food which would be minimal to nothing (she would not take any money off me as I would be there to do the childcare bit) we would be quids in.

Lostformoney

I simply cannot read through all the comments since they are filled with such horrible judgements and assumptions that frankly are wrong.

We couldn't afford to stay together, it wasn't a choice I was making but a cause for why we split up. I love him more than he will ever understand but he just didn't have any way of supporting us and the kids were faced with homelessness if I didn't do something. We were left with £5.50 per month before food if we paying everything we had to.

We have moved out and we have been rehoused in a temp council house, we are waiting on a section of new builds to finish completion in August where a wheelchair accessible property is available. My ex has moved in with his Aunt near his work, however he's waiting news back of a flat so the kids can stay.

And he's not in the armed forces either for the person who said that I've not posted before.

Can I remind you again, I suffer anxiety and depression and so far have been very upset by what I've read - please be kind.

My overpayment of tax credits payment has came down so I have more to manage with now and the house will be a much lower rental than private so it's all looking really good for us at the moment. Finally feeling like head is absolutely be water.

Thank you everyone that's gave genuine, non judgemental and thoughtful advice.

Also the kids are doing great, we live near my family now so much more support and they start their new school on Monday

Lostformoney

It wasn't just that we would be better off, I wasn't entitled to a lot of help until I was a single parent, housing as an example had no interest before - the rent we paid for a suitable home being the biggest cost of all, but also school taxis and dinners etc all of which I get help with now. Hospital transport and even uniform grants.

I find it disgusting that because of the system I had to end my relationship just to survive leaving my ex in debt trying to keep us afloat through it all. And I won't be getting into another relationship until I'm working either

Lostformoney

Neither of us are armed forces but thanks for trying to help, we have split now

MHOWARD_2

Lostformoney wrote: »

but als find it disgusting that because of the system I had to end my relationship just to survive leaving my ex in debt trying to keep us afloat through it all

With the greatest of respect, it is not the systems fault you are in this situation. In fact its a good job that there is a system to help you out. I really want to say more but sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

bspm

Lostformoney wrote: »

It wasn't just that we would be better off, I wasn't entitled to a lot of help until I was a single parent, housing as an example had no interest before - the rent we paid for a suitable home being the biggest cost of all, but also school taxis and dinners etc all of which I get help with now. Hospital transport and even uniform grants.

I find it disgusting that because of the system I had to end my relationship just to survive leaving my ex in debt trying to keep us afloat through it all. And I won't be getting into another relationship until I'm working either

I was reading your comments and I was pleased you seemed to have sorted yourself and your children out even if it was with the help of Benefits.

However when I read the above comment in bold that changed my mind.

It is no ones fault other than your own that you found yourself in the predicament you were in. You cannot blame benefits for that.

Also you type you won't be getting in to another relationship until you are in work, surely if you love your ex partner as much as you claim to do you won't be looking for another relationship other than with him I take it.

FBaby

I find it disgusting that because of the system I had to end my relationship just to survive leaving my ex in debt trying to keep us afloat through it all. And I won't be getting into another relationship until I'm working either

As above, it is easy to blame the system for your failures but it doesn't make it right.

Are you suggesting that every couple in this country with children on an income of £2100 a month are finding themselves with no choice but to separate because the system is not giving them enough extra money?

Of course not, most families on this income or lower adjust their lifestyle to their income and don't rely on disability income to keep them in their lifestyle, have more children, get into debts.

This is not what you want to read but it is the reality.

My overpayment of tax credits payment has came down so I have more to manage with now and the house will be a much lower rental than private so it's all looking really good for us at the moment. Finally feeling like head is absolutely be water.

I'm sorry but I really feel sorry for your children. How can it be 'really good' when your children are now having to adjust to living in a new place, which is only temporary, having to start in a new school, with their father not there to help you whilst you are battling depression and anxiety? I feel so sorry for your husband who has been disregarded for benefit money, which you clearly value more than his love.

Spendless

I feel incredibly sad that you have ended a relationship and that your children now have their parents living apart for no other reason than being single gave you greater financial advantages.

I suspect that later down the line you may discover that the grass isn't greener, it's just different and that there will be disadvantages you didn't have before.

Tommo1980

Your posts make absolutely no sense, unless you are trolling for attention.

I think you would be better served by trying out for a spot on Jeremy Kyle.

w06

second what Tommo says

making youself voluntarily homeless does not result in the council falling over themselves to throw money and a home at you