more help re my son possible diagnosis

Robisere

Some time ago on here, I spoke about my two gsons. One has Aspergers Syndrome and his cousin has severe Dyslexia. The eldest is 23 now, his cousin 18.

The 23 yo was diagnosed early and lucky to have attended a small village school with one teacher who recognised his problem and gave him one-to-one teaching, then alerted his mum to the problem, helping her to get the early diagnosis. He had been a real problem to our dd; the worst imaginable of tantrums, the "I am so dumb, I can't do this!" - we had it all. His classmates mostly supported him, but as he would not join in communal games or play, and became bored quickly, he was picked upon by one boy. His mum was then a single parent after dad left when he was toddler, they divorced and I became the male figure in his life. I worked with our dd to help him and he began to confide in me, matters that he could not tell mum and I kept secret, with the understanding that, if I felt mum should know, I would tell her. I always knew from trusted conversations, that he was very intelligent, but this did not show until I built him his first computer, which turned out to be the Light Bulb Moment. He progressed at school, went into a Technical Academy and just blossomed. Thanks to a very good Tutor, he passed exams that meant he did not have to go to Uni (which would have been entirely wrong for him) and he is now a networking engineer with a very good local company. He has his own flat, keeps it clean and tidy, washes and irons, shops and cooks. We simply do not believe how far he has come. And yes, we were also told that his intelligence was in the top 1 percentile. We did not beieve that until a Mensa Test put him higher than that. He is a MENSA tested genius. But finding tha One Thing that focussed him, is the secret. And the most difficult part.

From what you say, I believe that your child may have a condition somewhere in the Autistic spectrum. We learned that is a wide spectrum, with no single child having exactly the same condition: Aspergers, ADHD, Dyslexia, etc are all forms. It is now believed to be an inherited condition: do you have any trace of this in yours or his father's ancestry?

Our 18 yo was always behind in academic studies and I have taken the same trouble to help him that I did with his cousin. Even now, his writing is very poor, although he reads well. But he has always worked hard at school, academy and college, he knew that he had to do that, or fall behind and get nowhere. His dad our ds, is also dyslexic, but has taught himself to read and write by using block capitals, and has a good job. The hard work of our gs is now paying off, he has overtaken many of his old schoolmates who did not bother putting in the effort. He is now working 2 days a week at an engineering factory, having done one day a week as Work Experience while at school, he studies Electrical engineering 3 days a week at a local College. He cannot work out stuff like Maths on paper, but has a wonderful ability to work it out mentally. He also has been forced to develop his memory more than normally. He remembers all his computer passwords and types them into the PC, but if asked to write them down, says that they just jumble up in his head. At school he was harshly treated for not writing down his working-out, but at academy and College, they recognise the problem. If he gets it right, that's fine by them.

Both of these lads have a sister, with no similar problems at all. One is 20 now and a Chef, the other is 11 and in Grammar school. I love all my grandchildren, each one is a very different individual and that is the main point of this story. Your child is an individual who will develop his education and welfare to become someone different to what you experience now. If he is not labelled and put in a box by a system which should know better by 2017, he needs to be given the correct diagnosis and you need to badger everyone who has tested and spoken to him, for all the information they have. Do not be pushed around: this is your child.

pinkshoes

iammumtoone wrote: »

I don't think so (schools must be on the lookout for these children) but its possible certainly something to consider and ask about at my next appointment. If he is G&T why can he not dress himself (he forgets what order to put clothes on, this is recognised at school, he has a separate changing area than the others) or still have toileting accidents (has these at school as well but is very good at covering up).

His routine/day is much the same as any other child of his age. He has a very strict bedtime routine as he doesn't sleep till 12-1 in the morning. I fully accept my parenting is not 100% perfect (who's is) but where bedtime is concerned it really bugs me when everyone says "he just needs a routine" :mad: he has one :mad:

He does have alot of tantrums (home only not school) mainly due to frustration/not understanding instructions. I accept this side of things can be bad parenting/down to me

By routine I was thinking of day to day activities rather than bed time etc...

If it is similar to other children, then perhaps he needs different hobbies that will fit better with his needs? Something he can get lost in, that he really enjoys, and can be used as bribery for good behaviour?

E.g. I taught a girl with huge behavioural problems, but put her on a horse and she became a different girl! She loved the riding so much that she could alter her behaviour if it meant not missing out.

Computer programming? Chess? Animal care? Pottery???

iammumtoone

FBaby wrote: »

Are you sure your son is not G&T? It is common for some these children to do extremely well at IQ tests, but struggle with school tests. That's because their way of thinking is very different and not adapted to the format of school exams. School exams tests whether they have understood a concept, but for them, that concept is obvious, so they struggle to explain it in structured way. IQ tests test ability to think quickly, and that is what separates them from the norm.

I have been googling G&T and OMG there are certainly some similarities with my child.

Thank you for that insight, the way you wrote your post makes sense.

I am now unsure where to go, it did also say that G&T could go hand in hand with asd/adhd/dyslexia a lot of the traits are the same. It would seem this is possible as above by Robisere. I shall definitely be mentioning it to the pediatrician as well to get their opinion.

I will try again at the school and see if I can get out of them why they do not reconise the two reports/tests they have of him being within this range (including my own evidence that they widely misread the result of the test they carried out :mad:)

Person_one

You sound absolutely desperate, I'm sorry things are this bad.

http://www.familylives.org.uk

There's a helpline that might be worth a call, if you haven't already tried it.

https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-family-life-and-parenting

This might be worth a look too.

Have you ever been to the GP for yourself and how low you are feeling because of all this?

Kanichen

I think I would be inclined to lock the front door so he can't run out into the street and put all sharp implements out of reach - his safety has to be a priority. Then leave him to it. Go to another room and remove his audience. If he comes to find you just repeat 'Your joke was funny, jumping on the bed is not.' He will eventually run out of steam. At the moment he is in 'flight or fight' mode and the rational part of his brain has shut down -you can't negotiate or reason with him at the moment so don't try. When he calms down I think you need to have a conversation with him about this dumb thing. You'll need to be quite clever about it, saying as little as possible to prompt him to respond without you having put words in his mouth. Sort of 'You seemed very angry earlier.' 'What makes you say/think that?' those kinds of things. Maybe it would help him if you told him you think he needs support (especially if you mention that actually it may be because he is very bright and just can't learn the same way other children can) and that you are trying really hard to get that for him. He may be feeling quite isolated right now. There's an Einstein quote that seems quite relevant: 'Everybody is a Genius. But If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree, It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid'

Good luck - I am sure it is not easy. If you are someone who likes books then 'the whole brain child' and 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' are great reads.

iammumtoone

Thanks both he has calmed down now, we are going out. Not to the original place but somewhere else he has picked.

I will definitely read those books and try to talk to him.

The door is locked but unfortunately it has a yale lock so can always be opened from the inside, there is no way to lock it via internal key so can't be opened from inside.

theoretica

You do seem to have your hands full there - I hope you do manage to get onto a more even feeling life soon.

Another book you might find interesting - if you have time to read - is Carol Dweck's Mindset.

pandora205

Goodness you have had a stressful start to the day. It sounds like you both lock horns - he certainly starts it but by trying to reason with him, it feeds it. It's probably best to answer/explain once then no response.

I wonder, given that ADHD has been considered, whether he is very hyperactive and needs masses of physical activity to channel his energy? It can be very difficult being indoors with a hyperactive child, not least as they can often resort to boisterous play (such as jumping on beds, or off furniture). Would it be a good idea to take him out to let off steam, say to a play area or the woods?

Coming back to the high ability not tallying with poor achievements/low sets for English and maths, is this because all work is recorded in writing? If your son has a specific difficulty with handwriting or spelling, it could be useful for him to use other forms of recording, such as audio taping or dictating to an adult, or drawing pictures. The use a laptop/computer with simple word processing is also helpful, and particularly a program named Clicker (which has lots of features, including suggesting alternative words). Perhaps it's time to have an in depth chat with the school's SENCo as well as the class teacher?

FBaby

Just to comment on what you say that if it was G&T, it would be picked up at school. It often isn't because school only categorise G&T children as those in the 5% of so of top pupils. Most of these will be clever and academic kids who think 'normally' and therefore do very well, end of. Even some who are higher in the spectrum and do face issues with the way they process information are able to adjust.

There are very few of the latter, so most teachers would only have come across a few of these pupils if at all, if recognised as such.

My advice would be to get in touch with Mensa, they might be able to help you as they will understand best how your son brain 'works'.

iammumtoone

I have deleted the post, thank you all for your replies and thank you to those who may have read but decided against posting to avoid being judgmental.

All is clam now we had a nice afternoon/evening out just getting ready for bed then I will be looking to order some of the books that have been recommended.