To tell or not to tell parents?

worriedDan

I am not really sure whether or not I need to speak to my parents about my debt. I know that I am 36, however we are close and I see them several times a week. They are not in a position to help financially so this wouldn't be my motivation for telling them,

They did help us out a lot when we first got out house and also provided free childcare 2 days a week for 3 years. On the flip side, I know that it would really worry them, particularly my mother.

How do others deal with this? My wife is keen to keep it private, just between the 2 of us.

whitewing

Just discuss it with your father? (man to man support) and leave it up to your father how much and when he tells your mother?

You get someone to talk things through with and you also maintain the closeness by not keeping 'big secrets'.


I always think my husband and I discuss everything. The reality is that we do but not always immediately an issue is obvious. But it will usually be before we find out from someone else! And it is also where the withholding is for timing reasons, not deceitfulness.

zippygeorgeandben

If I may advise gently, I'd keep all of your posts in one place, instead of opening new ones. That way, people can read all the information you have provided so far in your angst and not ask questions people may have already given their time to answer previously.

dirtycredit

I wouldn't tell them. If they can't help there's no point worrying them.


I tested the water with my mum once and told her I was in debt but only told her a fraction of the actual amount..she was so horrified..I'll never forget the look on her face. I'm so glad I didn't tell her the real amount. I don't think I would even tell her after it's all paid off to be honest.


DC x

loken152

It won't hurt to tell them, at least you willl have spoken to them and informed them of your plan to tackle the debt. I was in a similar situation when i started down this debt free road, married, in my 30's with 2 children and i told my folks. My dad's response was something along the line of good luck, we can all dream, but you'll never be debt free as something else will alway crop up and get the way. But my mum sat there next to him, response was very positive and supportive.

comeandgo

I would not tell them, especially as your wife does not want them to know.

ERICS_MUM

No point worrying them if they're not in a position to help. I don't mean that in a rude way, they might feel guilty at not being able to help.

JustAboutThere

What about keeping it between your wife and yourself - for now.

If anyone asks about not going out, etc., you can always say you're getting an early start on a long term savings plan / university fund / any other goal you can think of.

See how it goes for a few months whilst you get to grips with a spending diary / new budget.

You can always re-evaluate later on once you know how you plan to tackle the debt.

tori.k

I can say as a parent I would like to know, you can tell when there is something up with those we love, they will be relived that it's about money rather than something serious like a health issue ( not being flippant about debt, but there is always a solution to debt issues regardless of the amount) you have debt but your dealing with it, you don't need to delve into the numbers unless you really want. Most likely your own parents would have faced similar challenges buying a house and raising a young family so will understand.

lessonlearned

Speaking as a mum I agree with Tori. I would sense that something is amiss and I would be anxious. I would be relieved that it was money and not a health problem.

You don't have to go into detail, certainly don't reveal any figures.

I would say something like " X and I have had a money talk and we have decided to go on a bit of an economy drive so we can clear up a few odds and ends and then we want to concentrate on saving for the future, our child's education and maybe early retirement"

That way you have explained any lifestyle changes they might notice and they will be mega impressed at your financial acumen and ability to forward plan. :rotfl:

I agree it might be easier for people to help, advise and support you if you stuck to just one thread. Maybe some form of diary to monitor your progress. readers will get to know you and the whole story so will be better placed to give you appropriate help and advice.

lessonlearned

Ps I can almost guarantee that at some point your parents will have experienced lean times, even if they were lucky enough not to get into debt.

They will understand perfectly.