Drowning

Shadow14uk

First time posting since 2014 and I should have walked away then! I found my old post and Puddylove was right!!
I'm miserable. I'm drowning in debt, hubby thinks we'll be fine. I can't cope 😓

Keezing

Hi Shadow14uk,

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. I can relate, my wife also hid a lot of debt from me, and the lies still bother me today.

That you've been so supporting thus far is very commendable.

I think you first need to ascertain the cause of the spending. Was it carelessness? Did it fund BOTH of your lifestyles? Is he taking advantage of you and "financially abusing" you?

For the time-being your marriage is more important than money, so we need to get to the bottom of the cause.

All the best

sourcrates

Hi shadow,

I remember your post from 2014, you were going to take on your husbands debts, I'm assuming that hasn't worked out as well as expected, or you wouldn't be here.

Do you think you can provide us with a statement of affairs (SOA) ?

And we will take it from there ..........

http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

angelpye

Hi, first post is always the worst especially when you have been away for a while - i was away a similar amount of time but everyone has been really supportive. Keep posting and I am sure the wonderful people on here will do the best they can to support you and maybe find the life raft to help you get through.

Shadow14uk

Thanks.
Last few years have been pretty monumental. I've went from happy, positive to angry, p*ssed off and no trust.
I'm trying to juggle some CCs and basically sort myself out. I'm in the process and trying to make sure everything is handed back to him

EssexHebridean

SOA first off - that way you get everything straight in your own head get everything written down in one place, too. Take things one step at a time - walking away from a marriage is a big step but if it feels right, then perhaps it IS right. Equally perhaps it's not, and it's just the current stress you're feeling leading you to feel that way - this is why getting all the facts laid out is vital - only with information can you make an informed decision.

MrsTinks

I know I say this a lot but the more info you can give us the better because it makes our advice more accurate and relevant. Honestly we don't pry to be nosy, but sometimes understanding the full scenario can help us think of options that might be a little outside the box...

So a full SOA to start with and then any updates from your last post you think might help us... Good luck

Shadow14uk

Thanks. I have done a SOA but not up to posting it yet. I've been so utterly foolish too and had a few month of F**k him, I can spend too (please don't judge me, I'll fully admit I've had some issues this last year, I've never had Mehta health problems before but last 18 months I've been messed up so much due to lots of marriage and personal problems, I'm waiting for counselling ). I've had my LBM, I'm sorting myself out, I'm doing overtime when I can, I'm also trying to find a small additional job (which he still refuses to do despite his debt).

I'm angry and ashamed but at myself. I used to be fiesty and fun, now I'm crying, down trodden and miserable. I'll get back up though

angelpye

Just remember all of us are here for the same reason and none of us know who you are in real life so there can't be any shame. It's your call on the SOA but the ones in the know really do know about cutting costs and can make excellent suggestions. However bad it is now, it will get better and we are all here to cheer you on