£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

Treadingonplaymobil

Oh I totally get why he wants to slack off at the weekend, but at the minute his slacking off at the weekend is leaving me with more to do. I don't ever ever ever get to slack off! We need to either change what we're doing, or he needs to absorb some more of what I do. I'm open to a conversation about either of those options - I have just suggested to him that I write a massive list of everything that goes on and we really critically look at it together to try to come up with something that helps.

System

It's very difficult for both of you to find a happy medium as you are such a busy family. The best thing you are doing is sitting and talking about it, before you become resentful. I am sure you will come to some agreement between you.

I can understand that you are working hard at your business as you say it gets quieter later in the summer months. The DC are getting older so things may get easier as time goes along.

If I am right did your DH not wait months last year for his back pay , must be his company hanging on to money ,
I hope the car doesn't cost to much for you at least you have a small start towards the cost.

Don't beat yourself up about raiding pots, you have come so far and it's just a set back in the bumpy debt free route.
Most of all make sure you don't burn out , we would miss your daily entries .

Best get moving myself .

Verbatim

Perhaps some of the organisation for the dc's parties/ birthdays could go? The special days sound wonderful but very time eating for you and expensive. Perfection is not required, just the love you so clearly give.

warby68

That sounds like a plan - I think you both need some shortcuts and some less time consuming ways of living more than re-balancing what simply amounts to too much. I learnt the hard way - some health issues hit me and it was amazing what we could actually manage perfectly well without doing after the initial fretting at the lowering of personal ideals.

Sea_Shell

I heard a phrase once along the lines of "No one will GIVE you time.....you have to TAKE time for yourself"

Keeping all the balls in the air is exhausting....sometimes you've just got to let them fall....they'll still be there to pick up later!!

Treadingonplaymobil

Cumbria_lass wrote: »

It's very difficult for both of you to find a happy medium as you are such a busy family. The best thing you are doing is sitting and talking about it, before you become resentful. I am sure you will come to some agreement between you.

I can understand that you are working hard at your business as you say it gets quieter later in the summer months. The DC are getting older so things may get easier as time goes along.

If I am right did your DH not wait months last year for his back pay , must be his company hanging on to money ,
I hope the car doesn't cost to much for you at least you have a small start towards the cost.

Don't beat yourself up about raiding pots, you have come so far and it's just a set back in the bumpy debt free route.
Most of all make sure you don't burn out , we would miss your daily entries .

Best get moving myself .

Oh gosh, I had forgotten about Pay Rise Hell. Good point.

I am hoping that talking it through before it becomes a resentment issue (as it did about 8 months ago, I seem to recall, then we had a big blow up and it was sorted for a little while, but the balance has got out of whack again) is crucial. I'm slightly annoyed that we keep having to have the same conversations and it always has to be driven by me, but there we go.

Verbatim wrote: »

Perhaps some of the organisation for the dc's parties/ birthdays could go? The special days sound wonderful but very time eating for you and expensive. Perfection is not required, just the love you so clearly give.

To be honest I don't think I'm doing any more than the average parent, it's just because I'm fitting it in among everything else, and trying to do it on the tightest budget possible, that it feels like a lot of work - a three hour party, a cake and some presents isn't too extreme, it's just another thing on top of all the others! I do spend a bit longer on things like decorations and cakes, but not wildly so, and I would rather not have a cake than have a revolting bought one (my children never eat shop ones they get given at other parties, so it seems mean to give them one for their own!).

warby68 wrote: »

That sounds like a plan - I think you both need some shortcuts and some less time consuming ways of living more than re-balancing what simply amounts to too much. I learnt the hard way - some health issues hit me and it was amazing what we could actually manage perfectly well without doing after the initial fretting at the lowering of personal ideals.

I think you're exactly right here - we've rejigged and reshuffled and moved things around, but actually the answer is a long term shift - one of the 'things' has to drop, and it needs to be decided by DH and I as a partnership rather than just me. I don't know whether it's cooking less, or working less, or doing less on the weekends, or dropping a club (don't really want to do that) or what, but I think we need to really thrash it out and figure it out.

Treadingonplaymobil

Sea_Shell wrote: »

I heard a phrase once along the lines of "No one will GIVE you time.....you have to TAKE time for yourself"

Keeping all the balls in the air is exhausting....sometimes you've just got to let them fall....they'll still be there to pick up later!!

So true! I feel like I need to let everything fall apart for DH to see how much I do, but my responsibility towards the DC (and my control freakery!) prevents me doing that.

Cherryfudge

Treadingonplaymobil wrote: »

I had one of those chats with DH where I try to figure out how to be less busy last night, and it struck me halfway through the conversation that he has gone back to doing very little....
he does have a fairly full evening between childcare and washing up (he is the sloooooowwwwest washer upper in the world, it can take him an hour or more to do what would take me 20-30 mins, but he really can't seem to increase his speed).

This really struck a chord with me: my DH used to spend an hour or so washing up and cleaning every day (if I cooked - or if he cooked I did the clearing) until a friend had her kitchen refitted and needed a home for her old dishwasher! Having a dishwasher was a game-changer for us, even though it was hard to make space for it. There comes a balance point between time taken to do dishes and time/energy saved.

A dishwasher doesn't solve everything, of course, but if it frees half an hour a day of time and energy (more at Christmas and if you have guests!), then that's the best part of 200 hours a year - could be much more. A basic dishwasher costs £200 (ball park figure).

Not often you see someone on these diaries encouraging you to spend money!

Hope the car sorts out quickly, simply and not too expensively.

One-step-at-a-time

I completely agree - DH and I used to spend so much time bickering about kitchen chores. We've had a dishwasher for ten years now and it's honestly one of the best decisions we ever made for ourselves and something I have never regretted spending money on.

Working_Mum

It is such a challenging time when kids are little - my two are now in their late teens and I want those busy days of old!!!

I used to have a "command centre" in my kitchen which included a whiteboard for all of this week AND next week's actions, to do's etc - you can buy a whiteboard legitimately through your business!!!

I found I had better visibility of everything which needed doing and it helped keep things in balance for me - over time my children would pick up the occasional job or two!! It also worked as a setting an example to them one way of handling organisation (my son ended up with a whiteboard in his bedroom for his GCSE's etc).

You are doing very very well and need to give yourself a pat on the back every once in a while.

((hugs))