£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

debtaghh

Sorry that you are feeling down but think of how well you are doing and how much you have cut back since starting. You seem to be in a much better financial place then you were. You can do it!

enthusiasticsaver

All you can do is look forward. Why the house moves? Aren't you in a 2 bed house now so presumably you moved areas rather than upsizing? Having a larger family also obviously impacts on cost and space although I am sure you would not be without them now.

Your position is not dire but it would certainly be improved by you either returning to full time or even part time work or upping your business income once your childcare situation is better. Very few families these days seem to be able to manage on one salary. It was not much better in my day though. I went back to part time work when my youngest was 2.

Moving house is expensive but maybe when the credit cards are gone (not the parental loan as this seems to be non urgent) you should consider the pros and cons agains and in the meantime do the cheaper option of dividing the childrens bedroom? It all comes down to cost. I think you live in the south west as do I and I think people think it is cheap but it really isn't. Not as bad as London and the South east but getting there and we have lower salaries in general.

Silver_Queen

TOPM, is there any chance you can do some sprucing up of your house without breaking the bank? I believe HI (now WannabeFree) was doing some decorating work a while back which she did at bargainous sums. I know your main problem is finding the time to do the work but the things that spring to mind that you could do fairly cheaply and easily is stripping the wallpaper and painting the walls instead. Maybe if you could find the time to do this, it would help cheer you up a lot and renew your motivation.

Working_Mum

Aw it's tough going when things feel like nothing is going your way (((Hugs)))

My friend once told me, (when I was in a very similar situation) - "bloom where you are planted" - and that shifted my thinking. I realised that I procrastinate on a whole load of stuff and I had a choice to either stagnate and wait until things got better or I could have a plan to make where I live better - I de-cluttered, got rid of some awful furniture that I didn't love, up-cycled some other bits of furniture, took stock of HOW we lived in our home and slowly I made a home we love. It is still very much a work in progress but at least I am surrounded by stuff which I love looking at (even if the walls and carpets are exactly what i would choose now) but I find beauty in my home - it has kept me loving it and able to make plans to change things about a bit WHEN i have the money (which will be a while away).

You are blessed with a quick, bright mind you just have to channel it to see the good when times are tough!!

Treadingonplaymobil

debtaghh wrote: »

Sorry that you are feeling down but think of how well you are doing and how much you have cut back since starting. You seem to be in a much better financial place then you were. You can do it!

Oh we are in a much better financial situation, and really it could be a lot worse. I have seen a couple of friends over the past couple of weeks who have been in similar dire straits and been given yet another huge handout from parents (in one case, a £300k house :eek: ) and it really makes it hit home how far away we are from living the kind of life they are. And a few years ago we were all 'in the same boat' in terms of debt, children etc.

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

All you can do is look forward. Why the house moves? Aren't you in a 2 bed house now so presumably you moved areas rather than upsizing? Having a larger family also obviously impacts on cost and space although I am sure you would not be without them now.

Your position is not dire but it would certainly be improved by you either returning to full time or even part time work or upping your business income once your childcare situation is better. Very few families these days seem to be able to manage on one salary. It was not much better in my day though. I went back to part time work when my youngest was 2.

Moving house is expensive but maybe when the credit cards are gone (not the parental loan as this seems to be non urgent) you should consider the pros and cons agains and in the meantime do the cheaper option of dividing the childrens bedroom? It all comes down to cost. I think you live in the south west as do I and I think people think it is cheap but it really isn't. Not as bad as London and the South east but getting there and we have lower salaries in general.

The most recent house moves over the past five years were to move area (for DH's job) then to move to the catchment of a new school because the one DC1 got into was so appalling, then moving again when we bought this place. But even before that we had two moves within 18 months because of landlords selling.

Returning to anything other than fulltime work (which isn't logistically possible with the amount of travelling DH does for work - we have NO family nearby who could help in a pinch) wouldn't bring in more than I do now, because of the costs of childcare, particularly in the holidays. At the moment I bring in around £8-10k with no childcare costs - I'd have to bring in an awful lot more than that to cover childcare (£30 per day per child during the hols), and I've been out of the employment market for a long time. Also very few jobs in my original training/specialism outside of London, and no employment in my current line of work, only self employed.

Moving house is more or less 100% out of the question - the £25k or so equity we have would be completely taken in moving costs and deposit, so we would end up with the same or less than we now have unless we move into the absolute middle of nowhere, which would again require costs like another car and not appeal to any of us.

Dividing the rooms as previously discussed is still an option, but it feels like such a massive compromise. Our house is c.900sq ft, which is pretty darn tiny, and that extra 150 or so sq ft would really make the difference between a good workable family home and an endless compromise (things like we currently have no where to store shoes and coats at all, there is no porch and no room in the entry corridor, but the extension means moving the bathroom from next to the front door, so we can have space there)

Silver_Queen wrote: »

TOPM, is there any chance you can do some sprucing up of your house without breaking the bank? I believe HI (now WannabeFree) was doing some decorating work a while back which she did at bargainous sums. I know your main problem is finding the time to do the work but the things that spring to mind that you could do fairly cheaply and easily is stripping the wallpaper and painting the walls instead. Maybe if you could find the time to do this, it would help cheer you up a lot and renew your motivation.

We could get into sprucing up the house, but it just seems so pointless with the extension on the horizon - our house is essentially a 2 up 3 down at the moment, and there isn't a single room which won't be significantly affected by the extension. Also, as you say, I just don't have the time to get into DIY jobs at the moment - stripping walls would be a good day's work per room, plus a couple of days painting, which is more salary than I can afford to lose at the moment. It just seems utterly pointless when it might get trashed in 18 months or so anyway.

Gloom!
I'm sorry I'm being so negative, just that I have turned over all the options so many times and I do feel that we're on the best path that balances everyone's needs within the family, but it's just so utterly grim at the moment slogging away with SO far to go before there will be any noticeable impact, and really no idea what we'll be able to afford when it comes to the extension.

Treadingonplaymobil

Working_Mum wrote: »

Aw it's tough going when things feel like nothing is going your way (((Hugs)))

My friend once told me, (when I was in a very similar situation) - "bloom where you are planted" - and that shifted my thinking. I realised that I procrastinate on a whole load of stuff and I had a choice to either stagnate and wait until things got better or I could have a plan to make where I live better - I de-cluttered, got rid of some awful furniture that I didn't love, up-cycled some other bits of furniture, took stock of HOW we lived in our home and slowly I made a home we love. It is still very much a work in progress but at least I am surrounded by stuff which I love looking at (even if the walls and carpets are exactly what i would choose now) but I find beauty in my home - it has kept me loving it and able to make plans to change things about a bit WHEN i have the money (which will be a while away).

You are blessed with a quick, bright mind you just have to channel it to see the good when times are tough!!

I do usually manage to think like this, and did things like ruthlessly declutter when we first moved here from a bigger house, but even things like buying nicer furniture are (a) financially out of reach and (b) seem silly when we don't know whether it will work in the space when we finally extend.

Treadingonplaymobil

Teeny weeny bright spot - DH went on the MSE credit club thing and it said we would get accepted for a Virgin 0% deal. We applied and got accepted, so the entire partnership balance is being transferred over to a 0% deal with zero transfer fee! Which means that at least every penny we're paying is coming off the balance rather than losing a chunk each month.

Also have just invoiced for my work this month and once it's paid I'll have... drumroll.... all of my business account expenses/salary covered for Feb, March, April and 75% of May. So nearly there with having three month's spare (obviously February's will be transferred around tomorrow as we need it to actually live on in February).

I'm still feeling like a total moaning minnie over here, but at least it's not all doom and gloom.

Savings/Spends:
- £25.17/£8 January 'rounding down' overpayment pot (£30 per month pro rata for the rest of Jan ). Why yes that is 200% over my goal. I actually also rounded down in my business account and then moved it over yesterday to make the partnership payment - to be honest I hadn't scrolled down in YNAB to see how much it had got to. Have made a noticeable overpayment along with the monthly minimum, which is nice.
- £764.80/£5,000 2018 debt repayment goal

To do today
1. Pick up supplies for talk. Done.
2. Check for seeds in wilko/poundland. Not done, too wet and cold to walk across town!
3. Make marmalade. Not done.
4. Make marmalade. Seriously, I wrote the same thing RIGHT UNDERNEATH???? I need a holiday.
5. Browse for more budget recipes to add to our repertoire. A bit done.
6. Some/any ironing. Quite a lot done, but have studiously avoided DH's shirts.
7. Thank you card for the weekend. Done.
8. Have another look/get DH to look for the growbags - must try to do this before I leave. Not done - wet and cold!.
9. Get back to the planners about the pre-application for the extension - need to suggest a couple more variations and get feedback. MUST DO THIS. Done.

To do this week
1. More decluttering - particularly the lego!
2. Brainstorm ideas for architect - particularly in the light of the new extension information from the planners.
3. Finish planning any handmade gifts for birthdays/Christmas 2018 so I can ensure they are done well in advance.
4. Plan and book some campsites for summer hols.
5. Do birthday cards for the month and a thank you card for the weekend.

To do in January
1. Review 2017 spending and try to improve 2018 plans by being more prepared - plan big spends like holidays and Christmas now and be realistic about the cost. Done with DH before doing SOA.
2. Redo SOA once the remortgage is through. Done.
3. Make a 2018 business plan that is less frenetic than originally (I think I had too high expectations of myself, leading to much stress in Nov/Dec). Done.

DawnW

Treadingonplaymobil wrote: »

Teeny weeny bright spot - DH went on the MSE credit club thing and it said we would get accepted for a Virgin 0% deal. We applied and got accepted, so the entire partnership balance is being transferred over to a 0% deal with zero transfer fee! Which means that at least every penny we're paying is coming off the balance rather than losing a chunk each month.

This is actually quite a big 'bright spot' Have you worked out how much you will save on interest each month?

Treadingonplaymobil

DawnW wrote: »

This is actually quite a big 'bright spot' Have you worked out how much you will save on interest each month?

about £50 a month, which isn’t to be sniffed at.

enthusiasticsaver

Your soa says £200 - £250 a month for you which is not £8k to £10k or am I missing something? If this really is the case then yes I agree that is a fair amount to bring in with no childcare costs. On your soa though it shows £2400 which is a long way short of what you say you bring in.

We had no family down here when we moved from London to Cornwall and I had two young pre school children and childminder costs. DH travelled a lot for work and did not work 9 to 5 so childcare was all on me. Mortgage rates were 15% and we were faced with either selling up and downsizing or me returning to work as a bank clerk, nothing highly paid and double childcare costs. I went back to work part time for just 25 hours a week, Saturdays and four week days 5 hours a day. Two thirds of my wages went on childcare and a further hundred on travel into our nearest city but the couple of hundred I cleared covered our mortgage shortfall. As the kids got older it got easier. I got promoted and childcare costs got less. Summer Holidays were covered with me and OH staggering our holidays so he would have them two weeks in the summer and we would overlap by one and I would have two weeks. Family came to stay for a week or as the girls got older they went up to London to stay with family and there were summer camps. Because we had no childcare costs in term time some had to go on childcare in holiday time but we were still better off. We exchanged favours with friends and we managed. It wasn't always easy but I am convinced that going back to work part time without a massive break to bring up children kept me in the job market. So I accept it is difficult but it is not impossible. I will not labour the point any more though.

I just think if you want to lead the sort of life you seem to want to live and do the things to the house you want, this is not going to be affordable on your DHs wage alone and £200 a month from you even when the debt goes.

Re your friends being helped by parents. Yes, I think it is a shame if your parents are wealthy that they don't help financially and not with loans but gifts. We have gifted money to our adult children and my mum has with us. It makes sense to do that, after all you cannot take it with you and so long as it does not leave them vulnerable I don't know why they don't. Some families believe they should leave their kids to be independent. I agree to a certain extent but we helped our daughters with house deposits. We have just sold a property and given them half which they have used towards mortgage overpayments, home improvements, childcare costs etc etc. However every family has their own way of doing things and unfortunately that means it is all down to you and your DH.

Good news on getting that partnership card moved to 0%