Buying ex out of house - can't agree what's fair?

ReadingTim

You seem fixated on what's "fair", but while he's happy to be out of the property (and presumably bearing the costs of finding a new one), you're benefiting from staying there: no moving costs or the hassle and stress of houses selling, moving etc.

Unless you're equally happy to flog the place, split the amount and start over, you might consider being slightly less 'straight down the middle' to avoid the aforementioned hassle and stress of house selling, moving etc. After all, you're arguing over a couple of per cent of the total value of the transaction, which is hardly a material amount in the grand scheme of things!

armchaireconomist

I'm with the boyfriend i'm afraid. You can't deduct because that's what it would cost if you sold it another way.


Give him his 10k + 50% of equity and buy him out, or sell it on the open market and get the same result (except you don't own anything anymore).


Your rational is effectively resulting in him handing you 5k for something that hasn't happened. Outright greed IMO

Razzmatazz

ReadingTim wrote: »

You seem fixated on what's "fair", but while he's happy to be out of the property (and presumably bearing the costs of finding a new one), you're benefiting from staying there: no moving costs or the hassle and stress of houses selling, moving etc.

Unless you're equally happy to flog the place, split the amount and start over, you might consider being slightly less 'straight down the middle' to avoid the aforementioned hassle and stress of house selling, moving etc. After all, you're arguing over a couple of per cent of the total value of the transaction, which is hardly a material amount in the grand scheme of things!

Yes, it is more convenient for me to stay, but there are a lot of other factors involved as well.

He actively wants to leave - he has no plans to immediately buy again and the house as it is currently is a burden to him and he wants to release the equity asap so he can be 'free'. I offered him the opportunity to buy me out and he's not interested.

I'm also retaining responsibility for the two cats we have together - his job and lifestyle mean that he can't/is not willing to take responsibility for them.

If it comes to it then I'm happy to just sell it and move on, but finding somewhere to rent with pets will be more challenging. As such, my situation is more difficult because of additional responsibility that I've taken off him.

So it's not the case that I'm benefiting more than he is - this situation benefits both of us equally and so I do want it to be completely fair - the difference of a few thousand is significant to me as it will affect my monthly mortgage payments.

armchaireconomist

Whatever you do, please don't refuse to repay the 10k gift from his parents as some have suggested on here because it "wasn't in writing".


Sometimes, I think it's important to just be a good human being. I'd rather my conscience clear than an extra few % of equity.

Razzmatazz

armchaireconomist wrote: »

I'm with the boyfriend i'm afraid. You can't deduct because that's what it would cost if you sold it another way.


Give him his 10k + 50% of equity and buy him out, or sell it on the open market and get the same result (except you don't own anything anymore).


Your rational is effectively resulting in him handing you 5k for something that hasn't happened. Outright greed IMO

Well thanks for that.
I don't 'get' any of the money - neither does he, that's the point. And clearly that's how the courts work it out too.

I think you're quite rude to call me greedy - I'm actively trying to find a solution that is fair for both of us. I have also offered to compromise and meet in the middle - which would leave him better off than selling the house on the open market.

ReadingTim

You're not going to get anywhere with "fairness" so give it up and call his bluff on the value: put the house on the market for his proposed price of £310k and see what offers come in. You'll have engaged an estate agent, so you'll know what the fees are, and you can work out what you'll each get once the place is "sold".

If, as you suspect, it doesn't get the price he hopes, you can show how your offer is better than he'll get on the open market. If he's proved right, then, sorry, but you are trying to pull a fast one.... Either way, a "real" sale will take time and involve costs to 3rd parties which will be lost to him. "Selling" to you on the other hand is considerably faster, and I'd be tempted to disregard the EA costs to avoid having to find a pet-friendly landlord.

Finally, if you're quibbling over less than 3% of the purchase price and the effect it'll have on your new mortgage repayments, you might be cutting it a little fine, and could be storing up trouble in future, should rates rise even a little....

bitsandpieces

Getting a chartered surveyor to value the place shouldn't cost a fortune. Could you both agree to accept their valuation? Might be worth spending a few hundred now if it saves a lot of hassle.

If you're struggling to come to an agreement more broadly, you might consider mediation? This might help you come to an amicable agreement, without the hassle and expense of conflict.

If you end up putting the house on the market, check the terms of the EA contract carefully. You don't want to sign up for something that will mean that - if there's a private sale (i.e. to you!) - the EA will be entitled to a % of the selling price.

Mossfarr

If your ex is wanting out but not willing to compromise I suggest you just leave things as they are.
He is the one who no longer wants to be tied down to the property or pay the mortgage so he is much more likely to cave in sooner!
In your position that's what I would do anyway.

Razzmatazz

ReadingTim wrote: »

You're not going to get anywhere with "fairness" so give it up and call his bluff on the value: put the house on the market for his proposed price of £310k and see what offers come in. You'll have engaged an estate agent, so you'll know what the fees are, and you can work out what you'll each get once the place is "sold".

If, as you suspect, it doesn't get the price he hopes, you can show how your offer is better than he'll get on the open market. If he's proved right, then, sorry, but you are trying to pull a fast one.... Either way, a "real" sale will take time and involve costs to 3rd parties which will be lost to him. "Selling" to you on the other hand is considerably faster, and I'd be tempted to disregard the EA costs to avoid having to find a pet-friendly landlord.

Finally, if you're quibbling over less than 3% of the purchase price and the effect it'll have on your new mortgage repayments, you might be cutting it a little fine, and could be storing up trouble in future, should rates rise even a little....

Definitely not trying to pull a fast one on him - if we put the house on the market and it sells quickly for 310k then great, it's not a problem for me as I get a bit more equity out of it too. But it's a risk for him - he might end up a couple of grand better off, but he could also end up several thousand worse off and still stuck with the house in several months. However, if we can't agree on something that we both think is fair then this is the option we'll go with and I'm prepared to do so, although I would prefer to stay put.

I can afford higher mortgage repayments so it's not an issue of affordability particularly - I just don't want to pay what I consider to be well over what's fair.

But yes, I think this is the option we will likely go for in the end - and we'll just end up seeing what happens.

GDB2222

Razzmatazz wrote: »

Definitely not trying to pull a fast one on him - if we put the house on the market and it sells quickly for 310k then great, it's not a problem for me as I get a bit more equity out of it too. But it's a risk for him - he might end up a couple of grand better off, but he could also end up several thousand worse off and still stuck with the house in several months. However, if we can't agree on something that we both think is fair then this is the option we'll go with and I'm prepared to do so, although I would prefer to stay put.

I can afford higher mortgage repayments so it's not an issue of affordability particularly - I just don't want to pay what I consider to be well over what's fair.

But yes, I think this is the option we will likely go for in the end - and we'll just end up seeing what happens.

If you were to sell the present house, would you not eventually be buying somewhere else? You'd then have all the costs involved in that. Stamp duty alone on a £300k house would be £5k. Plus removals, mortgage fees, legals, decorations, etc. By keeping the present house, you save all that.

So, if you want to be fair (and you say you do), I suggest that you make two calculations:
First, what he would get if the house is sold. (What the house is worth to him.)
Second, what you gain from keeping the present house. (What the house is worth to you.)

And then a fair solution is probably somewhere in the middle.

Do you really feel that bringing the cats into this calculation is helpful? If you think that he should help pay for their upkeep, that's an interesting point, but then he'll presumably be entitled to visiting rights and a say in what they get fed. Either way, these costs are small compared to the house value.