Just found out about the wifes debt

Beatle_Ray

Hello,


Looking for some guidance, a little background so you can understand my sentiments, from 2006 to 2013 I built up a debt over just over £80,000, the majority of this on credit cards because we have five attempts with a private clinic at IVF, they all failed and the total debt consisted of approx. £3/4K I had outstanding at the time, wasn't too bothered by that as it was manageable but with the treatments and the interest on the back of the growing debt it got to the figure above, however back in 2013 my mother died and with the inheritance I received I paid it all off, first time in my life except the mortgage I had been debt free, that was such a relief, I kept a little back, wasn't lavish at all, one holiday that's all, over the past two years kept my head above water and been happy financially, as anyone with debt will know you don't sleep too easily when you owe that but I kept up the min payments just and then paid it all off, now this morning my wife tells me she owes Nationwide credit card just under £10K, they wrote to her last autumn and made a payment plan, she never kept to that, apparently there are unopened letters from the Nationwide to her, I dread to think what they say, sadly I'm not in a position to pay this off so my fear is I will get a knock on the door one night from some bailifts, is that how it works, I have asked her to call them or at least open the letters, you can imagine the conversation this morning, I have worked extremely hard for the past ten years to keep a roof over our heads, paid off the debts and now I get this, can someone explain to me what happens now if she is in default, I have said to her to make the payments but she said he can't at the moment, what happens please, appreciate all the responses,


Thanks, Beatle Ray

EssexHebridean

Firstly, you need to sit down TOGETHER and work this through. So far as you know should she have sufficient income to pay it off? If so then it may be a case of getting her to actually work through her budget so she can see a way out.

You mention the IVF in your post - sorry to hear you've not been successful. Whilst not trying to make excuses for your wife running up this debt, do you think in part it has been due to "comfort spending" to help her deal with her distress over that not having worked? If so then you're going to need to tread carefully...

If you're looking to sort this out together, then get your joint finances together and put together your Statement of Affairs (SOA) - you can find the link at the top of this board in the "Sticky" post there. If you then post that here we can make suggestions on where you may be able to make savings.

MrsTinks

First you really really need to find out what stage this debt is at - if they have already taken it to a CCJ stage or started this then things are little more urgent.

She needs accept that she needs to address this - and if she can't afford to pay this then you need to decide on if you are really in this thing together or not. My husband and I both have debts, but if either or the other has struggled then we've considered our money joint even without joint accounts.

Second thing you need to do is do a Statement of Affairs of all the income and outgoings - if you're in this together then do a joint one - if you want to let her do this alone then I guess an SOA of her money and clarify which costs in the statement are blank because you pay them.

Thirdly - find out how she got in this trouble in the first place. Was it the IVF too and she just couldn't get out of it the same as you? Is it all as a result of depression as I'm sure if the IVF didn't work she may be quite upset and were you more than likely?

Bailiffs won't "just turn up" - it has to have gone through the courts for that to happen. So find out if there has been correspondence recently and check her credit files for any CCJs.

EssexHebridean

Great minds and all that Mrs T! :rotfl:

Beatle_Ray

Hi,


Thanks for all the replies, no I paid for the IVF that was just there as a background to indicate how I got into debt, this £10K has been built up over the past three years, she started a company and put all the expenditure on that, only problem is the company she started has probably only generated about £250 in sales, just a nightmare, my first concern is that I don't want the debt collectors round, so before they turn up it has to go to court does it, will the court then impose a payment on her, what's the procedure here please, I want to pay it but I don't think she has the means to pay it, apparently they are after £200 a month, what happens please
Thanks

MrsTinks

Can debt collectors turn up? Yes in theory - however they have ABSOLUTELY no power whatso ever and you can tell them to "get orf my land" in effect.

Before a BAILIFF can turn up there has to be a court process (apart from in very specific cases - if this is a consumer debt like a card debt then this ain't it).

Cause of this and her not dealing with it may still be deeper rooted than you think - bear that in mind when you deal with her about it. I'm sure it was harsh for you too, but womens hormones and accepting she will likely never be able to have children is likely to have affected her significantly. I'm just saying - consider this. She's your wife, you know her better than we do. I get you're cross but obviously something is going on as she's hidden this not only from you but also then gone into denial for a long period of time!

If this goes to court then yes they can impose a payment on her - however she will have the chance to put forward her statement of affairs and state what she can afford. The court should set her an amount she can afford - if she fails to pay that then this is typically when bailiffs gets instructed. If she can't pay anything because she isn't working then if she has any equity in the house or car etc they could take her car, put a charge against your property etc. This is much farther down the line (I hope! you really need to find out what stage this is at!)

IF this is not at court stage yet then I think you need to get involved and try and get her back in a Debt Management Plan with the bank/lender. However you will need to state what she can afford to pay so she can stick to it.

Start by having a calm talk with her and possibly suggest she starts looking for a regular job with a salary. If she gets a regular income she should be able to get on top of this.

Number75

You seem to have very little understanding of each other's finances for a married couple.
I'm surprised that you don't know whether she earns enough to pay in back on a payment plan, in theory.

You have your own history of getting into debt, that would have been a lot worse if you hadn't had the inheritance. So go easy on her, yes? I appreciate that right now you're probably feeling angry about suddenly finding out and her not dealing with it, and frustrated to be back in debt - but remember the sleepless nights you had? I bet she's been having them too.

If the business is not going to work, she needs to go back to being employed. Sometimes, a good plan doesn't work. My husband ran up business debt for an expansion that was unsuccessful and he had to cut his losses. He's run the business successfully for 20 years, the bank were happy with his plan - but it doesn't always work.

As others have said, she needs to pull her head out the sand and you need to look at it TOGETHER. Because right now, you don't sound like you feel you're in things together. Even the rather impersonal "the wife". She's YOUR wife. You need to be thinking "my wife" not "the wife".

Good luck with it.