How can I obtain my mother's ashes?

Unhappy197

My mother died last August, only found out last week of her death! Her carer registered her death and put her name on my mother's death certificate as her daughter! I have contacted the registry office who are now investigating the matter. She had my mother cremated without the family knowing and cleaned out her bank accounts and policies. I would like to know how can we get my mum's ashes? I did speak to her and she told me that it was my mum't wishes for her to have them, she only knew my mother for 4 months and when I asked her if she had a legal document to back this up, she put the phone down on me! Any advice would be great.

annandale

I would think police if you think fraud has been committed. Were none of your family in contact with your mother in the months before she died?

Sicard

^^ Plus it might be more serious than just fraud. Police is your first port of call.

Nicki

annandale wrote: »

I would think police if you think fraud has been committed. Were none of your family in contact with your mother in the months before she died?

As they clearly haven't tried very hard to make contact in the last 5 months and hadn't even noticed the poor woman had died, it's probably a fairly safe bet that they weren't in close contact.

I wonder whether it's the ashes or the contents of the bank accounts which the OP is most concerned about. The first step would be to find out whether the mother did leave a will, and if the carer was the beneficiary.

Pop_Up_Pirate

Is this yet another spam thread?

TBagpuss

I agree - step one is to find out if your mum left a will. It is possible that she did.

If she didn't, the taking the bank accounts and policies is almost certainly either theft or fraud (or both)

Start ysearching for a grant of poabate (https://www.gov.uk/search-will-probate) if there is one you will get a copy of the will and can see what it said. If there isn't one, then speak to the police.

this also matters where the ashes are concered. If yor mum did make a will and did namethe carer as her executor, then as executor she is entitled to arrange the funderal and to decide what happens to the ashes. If not, then the police may be able to help you to recover them although it is slightly complicated by the fact that you cannot techinically 'own' ashes.
Have you checked with the funeral parlour that the ashes were actually collected and that the carer has them? If her motives were finacial she may have lef them there , in which case you may be able to get a court order to prevent them being handed over, and ultimately to be returned to you (depending on whetehr there is any will) .

If they are in the carers possession then it may be possible to take legal action to get them returned to you, but this is a complex and highly specialised area soyou would need to find a solicitor ith expertise in the area, and it would not be cheap.
Obviously if it turns out that she has stolen from the estate then the police may be able t orecover them for you


It is very strange that she registered the death as your mum's daughter. She could have registered it without needing to make that false statment, if she was present when you mum died.

How was she employed? If she was employed via an agency or council then even if you mum did make a will in her favour it may well have been contrary to the terms of her emplyment to accept any gifts and may well also raise issues of undue influence.

It may be orth contacting the banks or oranisation with whom your mum had policies and seeking clarification as to the basis on wich they pauid out. Normally, they would normnally either need sight of a grant of probate or leters of administration OR would get an indmnity signed in which the person signing would typically have to state that they are entitled to the mony as next of kin or beneficiary or executor. If the carer signed indemnities of that kind then

Diary

Unhappy197 wrote: »

My mother died last August, only found out last week of her death! Her carer registered her death and put her name on my mother's death certificate as her daughter! I have contacted the registry office who are now investigating the matter. She had my mother cremated without the family knowing and cleaned out her bank accounts and policies. I would like to know how can we get my mum's ashes? I did speak to her and she told me that it was my mum't wishes for her to have them, she only knew my mother for 4 months and when I asked her if she had a legal document to back this up, she put the phone down on me! Any advice would be great.

How long hadn't you wanted to be in contact with your mother? Is there a specific reason you want to go against your mother's wishes and take the ashes? Who paid for the funeral? It's been at least 6 months since the death maybe the ashes have been disposed of as per your mother's wishes.

These are all questions you need to ask yourself before wondering how much money you might gain.

TonyMMM

If she claimed to be the daughter when registering the death then she has committed perjury.

Unless there was a valid will, then the possibility/probability is that she has also committed fraud/theft.

Report to the police.

kingfisherblue

Unhappy197 wrote: »

My mother died last August, only found out last week of her death! Her carer registered her death and put her name on my mother's death certificate as her daughter! I have contacted the registry office who are now investigating the matter. She had my mother cremated without the family knowing and cleaned out her bank accounts and policies. I would like to know how can we get my mum's ashes? I did speak to her and she told me that it was my mum't wishes for her to have them, she only knew my mother for 4 months and when I asked her if she had a legal document to back this up, she put the phone down on me! Any advice would be great.

Does anybody else find it surprising and rather sad that the OP's mum died five months ago, but has only just found out about her death? It's possible that the mother had very little and that her Will didn't have to go to probate, and that she left what she did have to the person who cared for her (albeit in a paid position). Maybe the mother didn't want to leave anything to family who didn't contact her (although this can work both ways).

However, TBagpuss makes a very valid point - many employers prohibit their employees from receiving a bequest or any other type of gift from their clients.

As others have said, the first contact should be with the police, as at the least, perjury has been committed. At least then the OP can find out whether the carer has legally inherited anything, and hopefully where her mother's ashes are.

Guest101

Unhappy197 wrote: »

My mother died last August, only found out last week of her death! Her carer registered her death and put her name on my mother's death certificate as her daughter! I have contacted the registry office who are now investigating the matter. She had my mother cremated without the family knowing and cleaned out her bank accounts and policies. I would like to know how can we get my mum's ashes? I did speak to her and she told me that it was my mum't wishes for her to have them, she only knew my mother for 4 months and when I asked her if she had a legal document to back this up, she put the phone down on me! Any advice would be great.

Uhm police, straight away.