decided i really dont ike my "kids"

thriftwizard

T14cy t, for what it's worth, I've gone through patches of really not liking each one of my 5 kids at one point or another, though I do love them dearly. But at the end of the day, each time it's passed, eventually; they'll do or say something to redeem themselves in my eyes and I end up thinking, actually, they're OK after all. They may not be who I'd like them to be, or achieving very much in the eyes of the world, or seem to have any idea about money, but they are kindhearted/polite/funny/hardworking or some other good quality that I'd overlooked in my anxiety or anger about what they're NOT.

These are not momentary feelings; we've just had a very stressful 2½ years when one moved back in with us, complete with fiancee & furniture "for a couple of months" and then did absolutely nothing about saving up towards a place of their own for ages despite causing a huge amount of stress to his siblings and making it almost impossible for me to run my business. However, now they have finally moved on and things have calmed down, I've started to look forward to their visits.

It sounds like you need a breathing space from your two, and like mine, they need to have a go at standing on their own two feet; they've had a long enough run-up at it! Is there any way you could take yourself off to visit some friends in Australia or somewhere equally remote for a month or two? It's well-said that absence makes the heart grow fonder...

fuddle

Can I give a little from an offspring point of view?

I'm a decent woman, good start in life as a child, decent out look and all tbe things a parent would be proud of but even with that I made some really rediculus decisions from 18 to late 20's.

Now 37 I am wise, have learned from my mistakes and I'm the person that I was destined to be given my parenting up to the age of 10 years old. I would hope that my parents would be quite proud of the person I am now.

Just giving you some hope I guess.

pandamonium

This is so true

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=nice+normal+family+sign&client=safari&hl=en-gb&prmd=sivn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjAxtTWmdPRAhUK7BQKHd0aBTUQ_AUICCgC&biw=1024&bih=672#imgrc=3WsXYEWSSJLGCM%3A

I reckon a lot of families hide stuff really well.

Sorry can't seem to edit link on mobile.

LameWolf

OP, fwiw, it is not compulsory to like someone just because you're related to them.

Like GreyQueen, I am childfree by choice, so I don't have any real words of wisdom - but I do agree with the people who have suggested that they are adults now, so maybe not bailing them out all the time would be a good plan.

GreyQueen

A pal of mine had very firm ideas about the ability of parents to shape their offspring's character and behaviour until she actually had her first.

Boy, was she in for a shock. She described him as being very much a personality right from birth, and he only became more himself with every passing day.

A prefectly respectable woman I know, from a perfectly decent family, goes to visit her grandson a few times a year. He's serving life for murder. He wasn't raised to be a knife-wielding drug-dealer, nor did he fall in with bad company - he independantly chose to become the bad company who dragged other people down with him.

Caterina

T14cy you are so NOT alone, we might love our children but sometimes their actions are really dislikeable. I certainly love my DD, will always do, but I dislike her dishonesty so profoundly that at the moment i am estranged from her, I just cannot face her because I know I would just tell her over and over what I think of her disgraceful behaviour.

Some adult children, who were a delight when little, turn out to be a great big disappointment, but if they are content to live their lives the way they want, as long as their actions don't impact on their parents, I think we need to let them go. Let me qualify this: I will always be available for DD if she needs help, but I will not stand any nonsense after the years of lies and agony that she has put the rest of the family through.

I wish she could see the light but perhaps that's not going to happen and I am going to have to accept that I will never again have a full and healthy relationship with her. It breaks my heart but hey ho, life happens and it sometimes contains pain and bitter pills to swallow, whether I like it or not.

So, perhaps it is the case that you don't love your children's actions, and you don't agree with what they have chosen, but I am sure that the mother's love is there.

Sending you (((((BIG HUGS))))) because I know how painful it is to feel like this about one's own child.

DomRavioli

The apple never falls far from the tree.

System

DomRavioli wrote: »

The apple never falls far from the tree.

Not always.

t14cy_t

i see my grandchildren regularly, especially the twins who live wth their mother and not my son. my son hasnt contributed any maintenance at all and refuses to work as he owes so much in child support. the twins are a joy., and my relationship with their mother, her new partner and his 3 children that all live together is very good. my daughters three children are also estranged from their biological fathers, so a very fragmented family we are indeed! xx