Frump to Fab 2017 - A Whole New World

Floss

We'll everything that has been posted about M&S has been confirmed - I walked through today on my way back to my car, and was confronted by rail upon rail of dull or oddly coloured shapeless stuff, being fussed over by at least 3 hotels full of OAPs. Didn't see much being bought, apart from the Dine in for £10 in the food hall

sugarbaby125

Hello Ladies,

LL what wonderful news about your sister's capitulation on the money front. :j I suspect that the estrangement with you had finally made her wake up and realise just how central you had always been to her own personal happiness and security. She is missing you and the fact that you were the one family member she had always been able to count on to be there for her.

I too think that too much was said to you and done to you, for you to ever have the same relationship that you shared with your sister in the past, but grab this olive branch with both hands. Not only will the spending of the money on your own pleasures and gifts for your children and other family members be great for all concerned, but the money was only what you should have been given right from the start.

It must be such a relief for you to know that you have not lost your sister forever and that there is a new future as sisters for the both of you to look forward to. Make sure it is a relationship that is on your own terms and is nurturing for you as well as your sister.

Ruby, do you feel that your friend is backing away from the friendship she shares with you? I only suggest it, as she is making quite frivolous excuses to not meet up with you after being only too willing to make arrangements to meet you. Sometimes people just outgrow friendships, but they find it hard to admit that.

Maman, I have always been MSE when it comes to spending, more out of necessity than any other reason, but once I found the MSE newsletter, I became even more MSE. Sometimes I come across really good theatre offers, for example a £69 Band A ticket reduced to £29.50, but even though this was for a play I would like to see, I still do not want to fork out £29.50 for a single theatre ticket. I much prefer to pay £10 - £12 for preview tickets or to take advantage of free tickets that are offered to me. If I was not feeling unwell, I would be out most days of the week at free events, as London is awash with them. The biggest advantage to living in London, is that an interesting, adventurous day out does not have to be costly, even if one or both of my children want to come along with me.

lessonlearned

I too am very MSE - always have been. Growing up relatively poor, living on a working class council estate I learned how to skimp and save to make my dreams come true. I always wanted a better life and I realised that being "good with money" was the key to buying the lifestyle I craved, so I acquired good MSE muscles at a relatively early age.

Good job really because my frugal ways have saved my bacon more than once. And in the long run, being frugal is what enabled me not to just survive the last few years but to now actually thrive a bit economically and have a reasonably sound financial retirement.

It's Being thrifty that helps pay for my holidays and enables me to have the odd little splurge......

I am also fiercely independent and will always try to tackle things myself before buying in paid help. However, sometimes I think I try and take it too far. This morning was a case in point,

I was trying to unblock a rainwater gulley which runs along the pavement outside our house. It's purpose is to take the rain water from the down pipe to the road drain. I was on my knees, dressed in my scruffs, marigolds on, poking rods up it to free the debris that had accumulated when a very smartly dressed lady stopped in astonishment. She asked me what I was doing so I explained the problem. She smiled and said "well I admire your independence but have you rang the council" :rotfl:

duh....., never occurred to me it was their responsibility and not mine. I spoke to a lovely man called Chris who kept calling me Poppet.

(How did he know that was my pet name......yes seriously my mother always called it me when I was little and it stuck. I am now a 66 year old Poppet to my nearest and dearest. :rotfl:)

Anyway I digress. Chris is going to send "the guys" round.

I have been working out a new budget for when I take over this house. I think I shall be quite comfortable and still able to add to my savings.

I have to admit I would love to live in or around London, there is always so much to see and do. And yes you are right you don't need to spend much money. However, as long ad the boys are based "ooop norf" then I shall remain here to be near them. My city is not too bad for free/cheap outings though.

A large parcel arrived for me yesterday from my son for my birthday. I have no idea what it is.......he's being very coy........

He says all will be revealed when he sets it up. I think it's an electronic gizmo of some sort........

indiepanda

Hello everyone, wishing you a fab Friday.

Happy belated birthday LL and good news about the house and the money from your sister. I know the relationship with your sister will never be quite the same, but at least you are wise enough to use the money for good purpose and to do things that make you happy.

Re the idea of meeting up, October would be good for me. I am either getting ready for holiday, away on holiday or celebrating my birthday with friends at weekends in September, but as a result I've not made plans to go away for any trips in October yet.

I had a lovely time in Scotland, it was the perfect antidote to the disappointment over the situation with A and I've quickly gotten over that. I am not averse to the idea of being friends with him as it would be nice to have a friend who enjoys doing the historic guided walks that I like doing and often end up doing on my own, but I don't feel distressed about the idea of not being his girlfriend. Anyone who can't find the idea of going for a walk in beautiful countryside appealing (which he doesn't) isn't really my kind of person. Even the tennis player was up for a walk - admittedly my hiking trips would have been his idea of hell as he is shy and not good with large groups of strangers (especially not women, and our trips tend to have more women than men) and the early mornings would have killed him, but he was happy to go out walking just the two of us if I left it till later in the day.

I was feeling the benefits of my weight loss on the walking trip - getting uphill was way easier and I even surprised myself and did two Munros and a Munro top, which is the most ascent I've done in a day since I did Snowden over twenty years ago. That's given me motivation to push to shift some more before my next hiking trip to Romania in September, although I've been a bit naughty on the diet lately, a bit too much drink and too many carbs - I can feel my brain fogging and my energy levels slumping, which makes it a bit hard to get started.

Anyway, I am out tonight to celebrate a friend's birthday and have a perfume making workshop on Saturday but otherwise no fixed plans for this weekend so will use some of the time to re-review my fitter food materials and get back on track. I just finished reading Agassi's biography and seeing how low he sunk and came back from really reminded me how feeble some of my excuses for not making healthy choices have been in the past and that makes me want to show some grit and knuckle down.

I have been anything but MSE with my spending this week. Got three dresses and a skirt in the annual Emily and Fin sample and past season stock sale and then bought two tops and a dress in Wallis and a pair of flat rose gold sandals in Dune. The Wallis dress will get worn tonight and the Emily and Fins should get used for Ceroc. One of the Wallis tops I have a party to go to Saturday week I will use it for and the other I think will get worn for work in the meantime, although it will also work for leisure use. They add new stock to the Emily and Fin sale each day so I may pop back in another day - there's one particular style I love and they didn't have any in my size when I went in so with a bit of luck I might find one on Sunday / Monday.

Then the purse strings need to get pulled up tight - no more spending on clothes this summer unless I shift enough weight for the next size down (and that's unlikely given we're in July already). If the weather forecast for Romania ends up really hot I might need to get a couple of pairs of cheap hiking shorts but otherwise I am holding out on investing in expensive hiking kit until I am at a size I want to maintain. New good quality waterproofs will cost hundreds and my old ones have been with me for over ten years - but aside of being a bit loose, they still do the job, so am not going to replace quite yet. I will need to buy new clothes when the autumn draws in as I haven't bought much warm stuff in my new size, but am hoping to hold out until I've shifted enough to buy at the size I want to stay rather than current size.

I also need to be MSE on the beauty product front - I have quite the stock of samples from Christmas calendars to use up and must resist the temptation to get more stuff before I've run my supplies down.
It's interesting reading about how wise some of you are on the spending front. I grew up quite poor and instead of making me naturally frugal it seems to have made me quite inclined to frivolity as I hated the penny pinching and never having much nice when I was a kid. I suppose the trick is to find ways of having the nice things at cheaper prices.

Charity shops rarely seem to work for me as I am too fussy on colour / style, but I do at least need to find out how to get hold of things like cheaper theatre trips like Sugarbaby. I usually go with my social club who get a discount, but it's far from free and rarely less than £40 or more. I have been dabbling with the idea of getting into needlework, but I am not sure that will end up that MSE - the nicest fabrics aren't that cheap, so you might get something unique and something exactly how you want, but saving money.... not so much!

I am going to work from home today to make it easy to get ready to go out tonight - getting ready in the toilet isn't quite the same as being able to have a shower at home and it means I can paint my toenails this morning in the time I would have spent using commuting and they can dry while I work with bare feet.

Anyway, time is ticking on so better get moving! Have a good day all x

sugarbaby125

Hello Ladies,

I went to see the comedian Dane Baptiste at 2 North Down in Islington last night. At first I really enjoyed his brand of humour, but within about 25 minutes he started to do material that I found quite offensive, so I switched off. In the end I just felt that all of the crude language, swearing and offensive material was boring and I struggled to stay awake in the end. At the end of the show, I could not wait to get out of the exit door. He is very intelligent and very talented, as I have seen him on various television shows and he also wrote and starred in a comedy show for the BBC, so I had thought I knew what I would be letting myself in for. Unfortunately, I was really disappointed. He did point out that in this show and his upcoming shows the material he was using was for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and he was trying to find out what would work there. Obviously that is a very different audience if this material is anything to go by.

I did have a free ticket for this show and I left detailed feedback with my ticket provider about just why I found some of the material really sexist and deeply offensive.

The venue was not my cup of tea either. It was so dirty, especially the toilets, that I did not feel comfortable. :eek: I will not be returning to this particular venue for any shows in the future.

The Hypertension drop in provided me with lots of written material that should help to guide me and inform me in my journey back to a life without hypertension or an enlarged heart without resorting to taking pills.


LL I am glad your MSE thrift allows you to have holidays and the occasional splurge. Endless scrimping and saving really causes a person's inner spirit to plummet in my personal experience. Your financial foresight is now seeing you in good stead.

Indie, what a lovely, positive post. I hope A wants to become friends but if he is reluctant, then let him bow out of your life. It will be his loss. I love reading about your busy life. Keep enjoying all of your social pursuits. It sounds as if your weight loss is changing your style, as more style options are opened up to you. Well done on your weight loss journey. It is very inspiring.

maman

Good to see you back indie and pleased you had a good holiday. I know what you mean about too much booze and carbs though. I've been back 10 days now and it's been a bit of a struggle to get back to normal'. Diary is starting to fill up again and, although I like to be sociable, I find it really hard to have healthy stuff in restaurants.


I think it's a good idea to buy some dresses in the sales. The Emily and Fin type are vintage styles so they won't date.


Did you mean dressmaking or craft type sewing indie? I like sewing and knitting but don't really want to make handmade clothes so except for the occasional bit of soft furnishing I haven't done much lately.


I had another browse yesterday in a little market town near us. They have an independent department store (rare breed these days) which sometimes suits me. Yesterday there was nothing. I did try on a Seasalt long sleeved white top but decided I have a very similar one which I rarely wear as white only suits me in high summer. My shopping consisted of fresh beetroot, runner beans and strawberries from the greengrocer!:rotfl:


Isn't it strange that a comedian can choose material for television which is perfectly acceptable but thinks a private audience wants him to be offensive?? You do have a wide range of tastes though sugarbaby. Are you still doing karaoke?


I'm in the fortunate position of being mse from choice. While my family wasn't super affluent, it was comfortable so I didn't experience any hardship as a child. My parents were very supportive of education and gave me a strong work ethic. I think that, as a result, I resent being ripped off and want to choose how I spend my hard earned money. I love shopping in Aldi and I love even more the way the other supermarkets have been forced to sit up and pay attention. I get angry when Sainsbury's put something up by 20% or shrink the packaging maybe assuming we're too stupid or lazy to notice. That doesn't mean I won't pay for convenience ( pre-prepared take away/ restaurant) if it suits me but that's my choice, sometimes I value my time more IYSWIM.


Not sure what's happening here this weekend. My DH has a dose of man flu (hope he doesn't give it to me:() so we'll see how things develop.

indiepanda

sugarbaby125 wrote: »

Indie[/B], what a lovely, positive post. I hope A wants to become friends but if he is reluctant, then let him bow out of your life. It will be his loss. I love reading about your busy life. Keep enjoying all of your social pursuits. It sounds as if your weight loss is changing your style, as more style options are opened up to you. Well done on your weight loss journey. It is very inspiring.

Hi Sugarbaby, sorry to hear the comedy show was so disappointing. I have found people live are often a bit more.. well, they might call it "edgy", I would use slightly less complementary words - it's not that I never swear, but it's very occasional (usually when I've just stubbed my toe on my iron bed frame!) rather than in every sentence - I don't know why they seem to think it's so clever - like little boys who have never grown up. And I know what you mean about the sexism... comedy is far too male dominated even though some of our very best comedians have been women - the sadly missed Victoria Wood for example.

A was very keen to be friends, he just didn't want to be my boyfriend - said he wasn't feeling the chemistry any more but really enjoyed hanging out with me and going on the historic walks we did together. I have a suspicion that someone who has never had a girlfriend who is 42 and didn't lose their virginity till they were 33 might not be entirely into women full stop but very into denial.... but it's not my problem now! Anyway I had told him I would have to think about whether I wanted to be friends after the way he had behaved towards me, but I concluded after I had calmed down that it would be silly of me to withdraw my friendship as some sort of punishment if I thought I would actually enjoy hanging out too.

maman wrote: »

Good to see you back indie and pleased you had a good holiday. I know what you mean about too much booze and carbs though. I've been back 10 days now and it's been a bit of a struggle to get back to normal'. Diary is starting to fill up again and, although I like to be sociable, I find it really hard to have healthy stuff in restaurants.

I think it's a good idea to buy some dresses in the sales. The Emily and Fin type are vintage styles so they won't date.

Did you mean dressmaking or craft type sewing indie? I like sewing and knitting but don't really want to make handmade clothes so except for the occasional bit of soft furnishing I haven't done much lately.

I'm in the fortunate position of being mse from choice. While my family wasn't super affluent, it was comfortable so I didn't experience any hardship as a child. My parents were very supportive of education and gave me a strong work ethic. I think that, as a result, I resent being ripped off and want to choose how I spend my hard earned money. I love shopping in Aldi and I love even more the way the other supermarkets have been forced to sit up and pay attention. I get angry when Sainsbury's put something up by 20% or shrink the packaging maybe assuming we're too stupid or lazy to notice. That doesn't mean I won't pay for convenience ( pre-prepared take away/ restaurant) if it suits me but that's my choice, sometimes I value my time more IYSWIM.

It's dressmaking I want to do maman, my mum was a very talented dressmaker in her day - made me a ball dress for university and my sister's wedding dress as well as many of our clothes when we were children - usually from market stall remnants so very MSE. My sister is a good dressmaker now - makes up her own styles as well as using the odd pattern. I was very good at it at school but haven't done anything for years. Did a course about 5 years ago at a sewing cafe in Clapham (Sew Over it) and follow their owner's vlog, always watch the Great Bristish Sewing Bee avidly and have a number of books on the subject but haven't quite got round to doing something on my own. I might start with attempting some basic alterations. My older Emily and Fin dresses are now a bit loose and although some would be very complicated to alter, I think some of them could be taken in without too much trouble.

The reason I would like to do is because I often find I see a style I like, but not in a colour fabric I like / would suit me, or a fabric I love, but the style is wrong for me, so I think it would be lovely to be able to have both style and fabric I love. Plus I feel some urge for a creative outlet, my family are all quite creative and I used to be as a child / teenager, just lost it in among the study for my professional exams and never quite got round to taking it up again.

I should say on the finance front I am not completely daft - I pay plenty into my pension and I manage a mortgage on a house in London on my own which not many women do - most of my friends have flats rather than houses. Being the first in my family to go to university and the only one with a professional qualification I've definitely done well financially compared to my roots. But there is definitely scope for a lot of improvement in what I do with what I earn.

Got to remortgage this year and need to change energy provider too - am sure British Gas aren't the cheapest. At least I remembered to reclaim my single person council tax discount - that's worth £250. But mainly just need to quit overbuying. There's definitely a psychological element to that - a lot of my family do it - can't resist a discount and think of it as saving money, when really it's spending.

lessonlearned

Good Morning lovely ladies

Hope you are all having a Fab Friday.

I have been out and about this morning But am now back in my scruffs ready to do some more painting. I browsed a few charity shops but didn't see anything - just a couple of DVDs which I shall set aside for winter viewing.

Sugarbaby - I know what you mean about comedians. There was one like that on the cruise one night. A lot of the audience walked out on him, myself included. I'm not a prude and I enjoy adult themes as much as the next person but I don't want to listen to sexist, racist filth. I like wit, cheekiness and saucy humour, but I think there's a difference between that and crude profanities.

Lovely post Indie and I think it's a great idea to buy nice things when you see them. I find my best buys are when I'm not actively searching but just browsing iyswim. I've learned to snaffle them up when I see something I like.

Re the sewing. I'm actually quite skilled with a needle and used to make a lot of clothes when I was younger but I don't really bother now.. As you say nice fabrics are so expensive, it can often cost more to make than to buy.

Maman....meant to say hope your ankle gets better soon. A podiatrist once told me that always wearing flat shoes was as bad as always wearing heels. Especially really flat ones, like ballerina pumps qnd gladiator type sandles. He reckoned we should mix it up a bit.

Good excuse for lots of shoes.......:rotfl:

Lost another half pound. I am starting to see a difference in my clothes, my tummy is getting nice and flat now. Still wearing 18s but they are starting to feel quite loose now.

Can't wait to get into my 16s. I have a wardrobe full of really nice 14s and 16s, some brand new, some lightly worn.

Right lunch break over. Time to get back to work.

lessonlearned

Indie......I wouldnt worry too much, you sound pretty astute to me. You have a good career, house, pension etc. Sounds like you have the basics in place and the right foundations to build a solid future.

The only thing I will say is that you never know what's round the corner. Life can throw curved balls. A decent nest egg can make difficult times a bit easier.

Having said that, you simply can't plan for everything. We thought we were on pretty solid ground .......

We never expected my husband to get so sick, for so long, to end up paralysed and to die so young......although he always used to say that he thought he would never make it to retirement age.

He was so ill for so long - 9 years- that we simply ran out of money. Long term illness costs a lot of money.

Luckily I had assets I could sell to keep us going and we had endowments that matured round about the time he died. He also had taken out life insurance to protect his family. He took great care to make sure that we would be well provided for. I was able to clear the debts and start again.

When we knew his condition was terminal (well I knew from day one, I think he did too but never really openly admitted it) we discussed the future and how we wanted to help the boys onto the property ladder.

My husbands last words were "look after the boys" I am proud to say I have done this, not just financially but I also try to guide them and give them moral support. (Of course I only give advice when asked, they are grown ups after all :rotfl:)

Although they have not had any genetic testing and we have been reassured that the risk is extremely low I have tried to guide the boys, how they can protect themselves, what symptoms to watch out for and how to prepare financially should lightening strike twice.

Having seen for themselves the financial impact of ill health, they have been quick to learn and take appropriate measures. They have set up pensions, savings and investments, life and private medical insurance and are careful not to overcomit themselves and take on debt.

However, they have also learned that you need to live life to the full whilst you can. One of my greatest comforts is that my husband got to fulfil some of his cherished ambitions and dreams - a career he loved, travel, his hobbies and past times, participating in all his sport and adrenaline fuelled adventures.

As Martin would say, prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

At the end of his life my father had become a bit of a miser and a hoarder. Hanging onto his possessions as if they were a life raft and unable to spend money even on life enhancing experiences or to make his surroundings more comfortable for his old age.

What good did his money do him in the end.........it merely fuelled my siststers avarice and greed.

Indie.....enjoy your money, you have worked hard and deserve your professional status and career success. Of course you should save and invest for the future and not squander your money, but you also need to strike a balance and enjoy some of it now.

Floss

Sugar baby I think I would have got up & left, well done for sticking it out!

Indie glad you enjoyed Scotland, it's a gorgeous country for walks.

Have been to my baby brothers graduation today - but had been a bit uncomfortable & fidgety all day and realised, when I just changed out of my smart clothes, that the bra I was wearing wasn't underwired (have no idea how I managed to buy 2 non-wired bras as have worn them for 25+ years and my 34DDs need the support!), which explained everything... I felt so much better when I changed it! :rotfl: