How to choose a family lawyer

HighFi

Been married for 15 years, none of which have been particularly happy. Recently as the kids (11, 13) get older, I've felt they're being emotionally abused by my wife and things have gone from bad to worse when I refuse to back her up in her outbursts.

Fastforward to yesterday and she has walked out after an argument with the kids followed by one with me (about incredibly trivial things).

Honestly, although this is going to be very difficult, I think it's probably a good thing, or at least a good start. But I just don't know what to do next. I need advice. Googling "family lawyer" seems like a terrible way to get it. Can anyone tell me how I could select a lawyer that will understand and be able to help? Honestly, a particular quirk of this is that I'm the husband. I've not started separation of any sort before because i'm terrified that I won't get custody and can't consider leaving the kids alone with my wife.

Help!

Proxima_Centauri

The Citizens Advice Bureau, perhaps? They may be able to point you in the right direction.

TBagpuss

Go to the Resolution website (http://www.resolution.org.uk/) for solicitors near you. Resolution members sign up to a code of conduct to try to resolve matters without unnecessary aggression, and solicitors have to be propsoed and seconded by other members of the organisation and to show that they do have apporopriate experience.

Then go and have an initial meeting with the solicitor - many will offer an initial meting, or initial half hour, free. Use the first meeting as an opportunity to get an idea of whether you feel comfortable talking to the person concerned, bearing in mind that divorce and related issues can take a while to resolve, and that you need to be able to feel you trust the solicitor you are using.

You may see more than one person before you find someone you feel comfortable with, and that's OK.

If you have any friends who have ben through a divorce or proceedings about contact recently you could also ask them for recommnendations, too.

Best of luck.

Given your children's ages, their own wishes will be an important factor in which of you they live with, if you are not able to agree.

HighFi

Thanks for that - my understanding is that CAB can mostly just hand out leaflets so I'll try Resolution. Thanks for the tip.

I don't have anyone I know who's been through a similar situation and I dread to put the kids in a position of having to choose, but I guess this isn't going to be easy any way it goes.

Thanks again.

Mojisola

http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/ has lots of useful information.

You may also benefit from the experiences of fathers on websites like -
http://www.separateddads.co.uk/
https://www.dad.info/family
https://fnf.org.uk/

Newly_retired

Most CABs may be closed from tomorrow until 3 January now, and then will be exceptionally busy.
At the cab where I work we give full appointments, but we are not solicitors, nor marriage counsellors. You may need both.
Meanwhile try the website, especially
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/relationship-problems/ending-a-marriage/
This will give you some idea of your rights, and the issues to be considered, so that when you do have a free half hour with a solicitor you can go with specific questions to ask.
It is expected that you would go through mediation before going to court as this is usually the best way to reach agreement on some of the issues, but I can see that in your situation this may not be easy.
Relate, used to be called marriage guidance , may also be useful as a place to explore your feelings. You can go by yourself, it doesn't have to be couples counselling, but can be.
Hope this helps.

pphillips

Find a local solicitor on the Law Society website http://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/ and many of the phone numbers they provide will put you right through to a solicitor or if you want to try the DIY route then you might be fortunate enough to have the personal support unit based at your local court that you could go to https://www.thepsu.org/

HighFi

Thanks all for the advice - especially the specific sites dedicated to my situation.