Ex giving teenage children alcohol

Person_one

Does your ex drink most nights? Does he have issues with alcohol? Have you had a conversation with your children about the dangers of problem drinking?

Its normal for teenagers to binge drink and over do it sometimes, and have hangovers, its normal for them to be necking cider in the park with their mates, but what you really really don't want is them to fall into a pattern of habitual drinking every night at home.

TBagpuss

I agree that introducing responsible drinking at home can be better than it being 'forbidden fruit' and having them go over board when they are away rm hime, but I would be concerned about anyone drinking evey evening, and particuarly a 16 year old drinking enough that they were affected the following morning.

However, he allows the youngest to have alcohol most nights he is staying with him (4 nights a fortnight). Last week he allowed him to have a cider and a beer - this was on a school night - and the following night my son had to go to bed early as he was a bit hungover.

This buit stuck out or me. One cider and 1 beer ought not to mean that our son was feeling the efects 24 hours later. If he was actually hung over (not simply a bit tired from having been up late, or from being a teenager) then that sounds like a lot more than a couple of pints, and would be a major issue.

Does your ex (as far as you know) have any issues with alcohol abuse, or is this more about him wanting to be the 'cool dad' and/or competing with you?

I think given their ages, a conversation with the children, including talking openly about your concerns about them drinking in the week and it having an effect on their performanace at school, and talking to them about saying no, as well as accepting drinks, might be the way forward.



You mentioned that your daughter got drunk at her dad's last christmas. Has that happened since, or has she changed her habits?

Ultimately you can't stop their dad offering them drinks and he may not aee much of a diference between his allowing your son 1 cider and 1 beer, and you allowing him "an ocassional beer or cider" when you have guests.

missbiggles1

Silvertabby wrote: »

But they're not kids any more, are they? I started work at 15 and was in the Armed Forces by 18. They're old enough to listen to your advice re the dangers of drinking too much, and to be able to work out for themselves that they must impose their own 'limits'.

I used the word kids to avoid calling them children and I was saying the same as you - it's their responsibility if they choose to drink, not their father's for allowing it.

Alikay

I don't think there's any point in directing your anger at your ex when you've allowed under-age drinking yourself. The amount and timing of consumption isn't ideal, but you've already crossed a line in allowing it so IMO moral high ground has been lost. Perhaps educating your kids on making their own sensible decisions on alcohol drinking would be better.

suejb2

Pick your battles. At their age they can marry, drive a moped,
join a trade union, have sex, fly a glider, change their name, join armed forces buy a lottery ticket, give blood, leave home, and drink alcohol with a meal accompanied by over 18.

He's their parent as well maybe his thinking is he'd rather them drink in his house than in the park

badmemory

Just a couple of suggestions to hopefully help them see where they are heading. Is the eldest having driving lessons? Did she drink the night before - perhaps better cancel the driving lesson as may still be over the limit for driving! Either of them have a weight problem - there are a lot of calories in alcohol - I would hope that one day they have to put the number of calories on the bottle. Definitely no sympathy for a hangover from you. If ex is drinking on a school/work night at home regularly then it does sound like he has a problem. If they are drinking the likes of alcopops then a comment about them being happy to put all those poisons into their bodies is entirely their choice might help.

I think the problem with this may be that the more you seem to care about their drinking the less likely they are to get bored with it.

cyantist

Is this unusual? I thought all teenagers drank.

I can't ever remember a time when my parents wouldn't allow me to drink. At the age of 16 I was going out and drinking more than I probably should have, sometimes midweek when I'd have college the next day. All of my friends were the same and we all went to uni, got good jobs and managed not to become alcoholics with liver damage.

Your daughter was drunk, once, a year ago and your son has a couple of drinks on the occasions he is at his dad's, which is only 2 days a week. To me that doesn't seem that bad or excessive.

Fireflyaway

I would instill in my kids that its not cool to drink too regularly or to excess for thier health and welfare. At 16+ they are old enough to make their own decisions and although I think your ex is irresponsible in letting them get so carried away, they didn't have to. They could have had a couple and stopped. Do they see you or other family drunk? If family members get drunk as a matter of course and its deemed normal, why wouldn't they? As others say you can't control what they do at your ex's but you can at yours.

Zeni

Personally my parents allowed me a drink or two at special occasions etc at a generally young age and never stopped me if I wanted to as I got older. For me it meant I didn't feel the need to go out and hide it, I was pretty open when I'd been to parties and been drinking and had hangovers. Most children that are that age are going to drink, so if they are wouldn't you figure doing it in a safe environment and experiencing what its like to be drunk at home rather than out anywhere would be a better option?

Spendless

Teenagers drinking alcohol isn't unusual nor is it 'underage drinking' since the legal stance says you can give a child over 5 alcohol in your own home and 16yo by law can also drink certain alcoholic beverages with a meal in licensed premises

I wouldn't be concerned about a 16yo drinking on an average of two occasions per week, but I would like to know the amounts being consumed. I'm another one who thinks its odd that he was hung over a day after drinking 1 beer and 1 cider.