Signed off can my boss do this?

Darksparkle

This Christmas meal I can kinda understand (although in my work, you wouldn't be excluded but we arrange our own Christmas night, it's not an official work one). You say you are severely depressed but based on what you have said are able to still do everything else except go to work.

From past experience those I have known that are severely depressed barely go out of the house or talk to anyone.

The secret santa doesn't make much sense because you wouldn't even need to go into work for that, you could just post it in.

Gavin83

iammumtoone wrote: »

I am going to give you the benefit of doubt that this is not a wind up.

I do sympathise as I suffer from depression myself but you have to understand it is very misunderstood.

I think the problem with depression is that it's one of those illnesses that can't be proved and people have a tendency to milk it. Much the same with stress. Much like stress I think it's one of those things that everyone suffers from to a degree so people are less likely to be sympathetic.

I have days where I wish I was dead, I don't want to talk to anyone including my girlfriend and it's a struggle to even move myself to the sofa but I still consider this normal.

I've seen several colleagues milk the stress card over the years so it generally makes you less sympathetic to the real sufferers. Same applies to depression.

In answer to the OP no I don't think it's a good idea for you to go to the Christmas party. It won't do your career any favours at all.

robatwork

In the last 2 weeks we have seen someone with severe depression and someone sacked (on gardening leave) both desperate to attend the company Christmas meal.

Personally spending a meal making smalltalk with colleagues I wouldn't spend time with normally isn't something I am desperate to do.

I have to ask why are you so bothered about it?

Onemanarmy

iammumtoone wrote: »

I am going to give you the benefit of doubt that this is not a wind up.

I do sympathise as I suffer from depression myself but you have to understand it is very misunderstood.

Look at it from your colleagues point of view, they are having to work harder/more hours over the period most people want time off and then they see you out shopping and 'enjoying yourself'. To them people who are depressed are not capable of these things (in some case they are right, I am sure you know the feeling of not being able to get up/function as normal).

Turning up to the Christmas party/secret Santa is not a good idea, and frankly I can't understand why you think it is. Unlike someone on maternity leave you are ill, it is disrespectful to your colleagues who have to cover your work to be seen to show up at these 'fun' events but not be seen to be able to come into work.

This is very true and unfortunately what I've encountered in my previous experience. If you turn up to Christmas meal, join in and have a good time then your manager could question the severity of your depression and ultimately if you're actually well enough to go into work.

I've known someone who phoned in sick for a shift at work but went out for dinner and drinks that evening instead and ended up getting a lengthy overtime ban because they felt he'd been dishonest and that if he wasn't well enough to go into work then he wouldn't be well enough to go out and have fun.

I think it's probably best to keep a low profile and concentrate on your recovery, I hope you get better soon.

Tiddlywinks

Clair2901 wrote: »

I work in a small company where there are only 16 employees. I have spoken to all of them and they all understand as they know I have suffered for a long time and all say it is unfair how I am being treated as I work harder than some.

So - let's get this straight....

Even though you say you are suffering from severe depression you have managed to motivate yourself enough to call every single one of your colleagues?

But you say you are too anxious to speak to your boss?

COME ON - how the heck do you think that looks to the average person?

Add on the fact that you are still managing to do everything else outside of work and you are moaning about not being able to go to a party.... no.... you've lost my sympathy.

Plus - phoning all your mates, bad mouthing your boss about her decision and asking their opinion is just what a bully would do. It's not fair to them as you are putting them in an uncomfortable situation and it's not fair to your boss as she will be aware of all this back biting.

Tygermoth

I am afraid i would have to agree with a number of the posters.

If you are not well enough to work you are not well enough to socialize at a work related event, sorry.

I also agree that stress/depression/anxiety is most often misunderstood and people are becoming significantly less tolerant. This, i personally feel, is because people are taking advantage (this is not aimed at you OP - just a general observation)

Our office has just had a rash of such issues - all related to the absentee wanting or needing extra leave and 'suddenly' becoming significantly unwell. Of course recent media and court cases where people have been able to go on holiday or continue with hobbies or sporting events under the banner of battling the above haven't helped.

When our office manager went off with work stress 10 years ago - a great deal was made off it. Paths were put into place to change working practices. In-depth reviews were done of workloads, support systems and employee welfare. Lessons were learned, changes were made and the business took responsibility they owned the issue. Now not a peep, its so common its treated no more serious than a bout of D&V and part of the same procedural process - this makes me a little sad.

AylesburyDuck

Having actually suffered severe depression myself,i can honestly say that functioning as anything even remotely resembling a normal human being is just a non starter.
While i wouldn't be as rude as to out and out say i disbelieve your ill i would however throw doubt at it being severe depression.

kingfisherblue

When I had severe depression, it took all of my strength and energy to look after my children. If they weren't in school, my ex would sometimes come home from work at teatime to find me still in my nightclothes from the night before, hair unbrushed. The kids were looked after - I made myself do that. My sons were very small (my daughter a little older), and one of the lads is disabled. I was very lucky to have my mum to help me.

When I have had 'down' days, I make myself get up and do something. I never want to sink that low again. My mum has had two spells in a mental hospital (before I was born) because her depression was so severe. She understands that sometimes I need to get out and do something, when I start to feel myself go downhill. My ex didn't understand at all.

If you are able to go shopping and out for breakfast, chances are that you are a bit down, rather than severely depressed. Working would be good for you, as it helps to focus the mind on something other than your own problems. I don't work because of the level of my son's disabilities, but I found that voluntary work that fits around my caring responsibilities has been invaluable. Luckily, my mum once again steps in to help when necessary.

Look at it from thr viewpoint of others - if a colleague was due to work over Christmas, and they suddenly went off sick, it means that others have to work extra hours. As if that's not bad enough, seeing the 'sick' employee enjoying meals out, shopping, and even taking their children to clubs (instead of making alernative arrangements) - well, that just rubs salt in the wound. People may have been sympathetic towards you, but it doesn't mean that they are being honest. They may well resent a colleague who cannot work but who can go out and enjoy themselves. Given a choice of feeding clients their breakfast, or going out for breakfast themselves, what do you thint hey would rather do?

kingfisherblue

Clair2901 wrote: »

Hi. This is my first post but I'm unsure if this is the right place.

I got signed off work for 4 weeks (doctor said can be longer if needs be) for sever depression and wants my new medication to kick in. Now before I was signed off I was due to work all over Xmas and to on call (work in home care) but my doctor wants me off. We had also arranged a work Xmas meal and secret santa which I was both doing.

My boss (is obviously very annoyed I am not working and doesn't hide this) has said that as I am off work I am not allowed to go to the meal and as I am not working I am not allowed to take part in secret santa. (Her exact words are "you're not physically working so not able to go to the meal or participate in secret santa")

Is she allowed to do this as I am off with depression? If I was contagious or something I could understand but I think this is very unfair as it has made me feel low. I don't see how I am unable to take part in secret santa. We have people off on maternity leave. Surely they shouldn't be allowed to take part in either as they are physically working either.

She also keeps asking me to call her and I don't think it is to keep me up to date with work related things. I believe it is to sort have a go at me as she knows I have been doing things (Xmas food shop. Going for breakfast in the morning. Taking my kids to their clubs and parties) but due to my anxiety I can't physically call her as I start to panic. I don't do confrontation very well.

Please help me as I feel I'm being singled out.

I've just realised that the OP hadn't been quoted, so here it is, just in case....