Signed off can my boss do this?

Clair2901

Hi. This is my first post but I'm unsure if this is the right place.

I got signed off work for 4 weeks (doctor said can be longer if needs be) for sever depression and wants my new medication to kick in. Now before I was signed off I was due to work all over Xmas and to on call (work in home care) but my doctor wants me off. We had also arranged a work Xmas meal and secret santa which I was both doing.

My boss (is obviously very annoyed I am not working and doesn't hide this) has said that as I am off work I am not allowed to go to the meal and as I am not working I am not allowed to take part in secret santa. (Her exact words are "you're not physically working so not able to go to the meal or participate in secret santa")

Is she allowed to do this as I am off with depression? If I was contagious or something I could understand but I think this is very unfair as it has made me feel low. I don't see how I am unable to take part in secret santa. We have people off on maternity leave. Surely they shouldn't be allowed to take part in either as they are physically working either.

She also keeps asking me to call her and I don't think it is to keep me up to date with work related things. I believe it is to sort have a go at me as she knows I have been doing things (Xmas food shop. Going for breakfast in the morning. Taking my kids to their clubs and parties) but due to my anxiety I can't physically call her as I start to panic. I don't do confrontation very well.

Please help me as I feel I'm being singled out.

Sagz_2

No idea about what boss can or can't do, sorry, but for your health this job sounds awful! Have you considered working elsewhere?

Hope you soon feel better.

Masomnia

Sorry to read this Clair.

It's reasonable for your manager to make contact with you, and it is in your interest to keep in touch with them. How often is she asking that you keep in touch?

However, have you been referred to Occupational Health? And if so what have they said?

I'm not a OH specialist but I would suggest that socialising and keeping involved with work would aid your recovery and return to work, which if you're physically fit for it should be the ultimate goal. That said, a lot of managers are wary of how it looks to colleagues, that if you are saying you are too sick to work how come you are fit to go to the party? This might be the thought process.

iammumtoone

I am going to give you the benefit of doubt that this is not a wind up.

I do sympathise as I suffer from depression myself but you have to understand it is very misunderstood.

Look at it from your colleagues point of view, they are having to work harder/more hours over the period most people want time off and then they see you out shopping and 'enjoying yourself'. To them people who are depressed are not capable of these things (in some case they are right, I am sure you know the feeling of not being able to get up/function as normal).

Turning up to the Christmas party/secret Santa is not a good idea, and frankly I can't understand why you think it is. Unlike someone on maternity leave you are ill, it is disrespectful to your colleagues who have to cover your work to be seen to show up at these 'fun' events but not be seen to be able to come into work.

Clair2901

This is not a wind up.

I work in a small company where there are only 16 employees. I have spoken to all of them and they all understand as they know I have suffered for a long time and all say it is unfair how I am being treated as I work harder than some.

I have thought about a new job but it's hard to find anything around that I can do.

iammumtoone

I think you need to concentrate on what you want from your manager.

Clearly ringing you about trivial things that aren't work related important issues is wrong and they need to stop this to enable you to get better. Next time they call, explain you are not up to speaking to them direct and would appreciate it if they could conduct all contact via email. This way you are not refusing to converse with them but it gives you time to read and respond at your own leisure, and you will have written evidence of anything that is said out of place.

With regard to the party and secret Santa I would let this go it is not worth fighting about, if you really want to see you colleagues arrange something between yourselves without involving work. There is also the insurance issue if either of these events are held on work premises I don't think the company insurance covers you as you are signed of sick (I might be wrong on that, someone will correct me if thats the case)

McKneff

Sorry but you seem to be pretty desperate to go out for a meal,
desperate in the sense that you have spoken to each and every one of your work colleagues.
And to be honest, they will tell you what you want to hear, pity you cant read their minds,

If you are sure of this, organise a meal with them all at a different time, I wonder how many would turn up.

Hope you feel better soon, but fretting over this will not help you. I would concentrate on getting better.

elsien

Is your depression work related?
When I was off work with depression triggered by incidents at work, the last thing I wanted to do was to get in touch with everyone and hear more about what was going on - I needed time to concentrate on getting well before I started thinking about work in any way at all. And I can't think of anything worse than shopping for secret santas for work colleagues when I could barely get off the settee.
Being depressed doesn't mean you have to be a hermit, or not do nice things. But focus on things that are going to help you cope - I'd be surprised if you need signing off from work if work is one of those things.

TELLIT01

Socialising with staff you work with could be beneficial, but equally it could be a total disaster. A guy my wife worked with was signed of with stress and depression but seemed reasonably OK unless anybody mentioned anything to do with work. When that happened he went into virtual meltdown - it really was worrying to see.
The management can set their own rules and again I can see it from both sides. If you're unfit to work are you not also unfit to take part in activities within, or associated with, the workplace? If the cause of your depression is work related I think they are doing the right thing in keeping you away from any work functions.

milliemonster

I'm sorry but I have had severe depression in the past to which I was hospitalised, thankfully this was years ago, I was treated and I've never had a problem to that degree again. But what I can say is severe depression is very different to anxiety, if you are severely depressed and off work waiting for medication to start working then you would not be interested in socialising or taking part in fun aspects of life, it's enough to just drag yourself out of bed in the morning and going through the motions you would not want to take part in life's normal thinks.

When your depression is more stable then yes that's the time you would want to be taking part and forcing yourself to go to events and things as an aid to recovery, this would also be the time you would be back at work trying to keep things going and get some normality to your life again.

So, I'm sorry I just don't buy it. If you are so severely depressed that you need to be off work for a protracted period of time to get you stabilised on meds, the last thing you would be bothered about is a secret Santa and a christmas meal

TELLIT01

milliemonster wrote: »

If you are so severely depressed that you need to be off work for a protracted period of time to get you stabilised on meds, the last thing you would be bothered about is a secret Santa and a christmas meal

I think part of the problem is that many GPs use the terms depression, stress and anxiety as if they are the same thing. It was so bad when I was working on ESA that we were told not to update the medical condition on the claim if, for example, the initial medical cert said stress and the next one depression. There was at least a 50/50 chance that the next one would revert to the original condition. As all 3 are basically classed as mental health issues it didn't matter at the processing level. Once the claim progressed to the medical assessment a final condition would be defined there.