Overwhelmed and ashamed

TwinMummy

I've just sat and read all 4 pages of your diary. I'm so impressed with how you've tackled this and the optimism you now have compared to the first page of your diary, its brilliant. Keep up the good work and keep us updated. You and DW make a great team.

dprovan

Hi,

yes things are going well. Thanks for asking.

I was just thinking it is one month since our lbm and things feel very different (apart from what we owe .

• we now have £300 put away in an emergency fund which I am delighted about.
• I have been doing some matched betting to bring in extra money and made £140 from this which has gone towards the emergency fund. I don't plan to get into this as much as some as it is complex but I think I can make some more gains in the coming weeks which can build to the emergency fund
• we continue to budget with our £75 a week for food and this is going well. We are able to buy food for the five of us and a few treats from this each week
• we are budgeting with the £175 spending money each week. For those following my journey I started with no idea what we needed to spend each week. This week we had £50 spare at the end of the week and this was despite some big spends £33 for MOT, £25 for curtains, so very little is being spent on day to day activities and many of the big spends that have come from this are January specific. I know there will always be expenses like kids shoes etc but am confident there should be a few weeks each month where we can save some money
• We are keeping a spending diary
• we have had so many no spend days which haven't been a problem

I have been doing lots of thinking about how we got here and what the future looks like. We have for some time been spending and spending and spending with little control. last year was a crazy one with two holidays of a lifetime!!!! Too often we spend crazy money creating dreams!! or because we deserved it... or because we had large salaries and could afford treats! Clearly we couldn't afford it because we were massively living beyond our means.

This past four weeks have shown us how we can live relatively comfortably from our salaries whilst payng £1250 to debt and being able to find money to put aside. Which leaves an obvious question how we ran up such debt....

I have also began to think about the future, when we clear the debt we will have £1250 extra per month and what we can do with that for the family moving forward with a new way of budgeting.

So lots of thinking and learning.

Apart from this we have both been doing dry January.. I worked out I have not had alcohol on 25/31 days since my lbm. Considering I was drinking six days a week every week last year I feel pleased about that.

The kids have adapted great also. In our old world I tended to go over the top with 'rewards' normally when I had a few beers... So I told my son he would get £10 for every exam result that was higher than predicted and sure enough didn't he go and nail his exams . Would have meant me giving him £60-£70 which we would have done before. This time he understood from our earlier talk that I couldn't deliver on my silly promise. Instead he will get treated to a take away pizza and he has had no grumbles which I am proud of.

So all is moving along. As I have said this will be a marathon and there will be lots of learning and challenges along the way. However so far this adjustment feels not too bad.

Bobarella

It's a real inspiration to read your post. Keep going!

Verbatim

Your son sounds very mature and motivated. Well done on your new way of doing things. You now have a virtuous circle set up it seems. Good luck with the emergency fund building. It's looking pretty good already.
V

chevalier

I think you have had a very big shock and you are doing very well to start turnng the tanker around.

My two cents would be, you mention an emergency fund, which is good, but are you putting money away to pay for yearly things like building and contents insurance, car insurance, servicing etc? If you aren't then maybe now might be the time to address those aswell. Also if you haven't changed insurance providers for a while then don't forget to go on the comparison websites to get the best deal. You might also like to look at the cash back sites like quidco and topcashback to see if there are any deals you can get. There have been years where I have paid about 50 pounds for my car insurance because the cash back deal was so good.

Good luck with your ongoing journey
chev

Kittencat

How you getting on Dprovan?

dprovan

Everything is going well Kittencat, thank you.

Things are good. We continue to live to a budget and use the spending dairy. Friday is our 'pay day' when we take out our £75 weekly food money and £175 spending. We have £40 left from last weeks spending and that is with everyone having treats, clubs, parties and activities across the week. The budgeting is great, we know what we have available to spend and when it is gone it is gone so we are prioritising. Its funny, we are actually reluctant to spend so we can keep our 'pot' available. I continue to have lots of NS days, I don't event carry money. In truth I am still at that stage where I don't need anything and I have my card if I need petrol for instance.

In terms of reducing outgoings we reduced sky from £65 to £32 month. I did consider getting shot of it completely but everyone uses it and it felt like a reasonable treat at that price.

We have been able to save money from our weekly spending money and from our money set aside and I have continued to spend a bit of time with matched betting which I am delighted to say I have made £360 profit from!!! Most of this has come from sign up deals which is a one off but I estimate I will be able to bring in £50-£100 a month from this with little effort which will help. Anyway, between all of these efforts and contributions our emergency fund is already a whopping £650!!! This is so comforting and reassuring both because it gives us some breathing space but also lets us see how much we can save and put to our debt repayments...

chevalier, we are not yet putting money aside for car maintenance. We are for most things (not clothes, holidays) for the time being these will come from either the £175 spending or emergency fund. Our plan is to reach £1,000 for emergency and then to open pots for car maintenance probably car maintenance and possibly presents.

On the present front my wife started the £1 a day for Christmas (we seen this in the challenge page). She has been doing this from just after Christmas so we must have about £30 or so there.

On the non debt front we are both still doing dry January, which has been good. I have missed a drink more than my wife. I t has been great to just have more time aware and alert to everything going on around me and to be more present with the family.

So all in life feels better than it did when we were living a wasteful and reckless spending life. I have asked myself if the kids have noticed a difference. I don't think they have. Or if they have it hasn't affected them too much. For them the only difference might be that they are having less take away pizza or we no longer stop for a subway on the way home from football- does that lessen their quality of life? of course not- But clearly we didn't run up £70k of debt on pizza and subway. My wife and I have noted so many instances/scenarios were we would have spent big on the cc. Booking weekends, concerts, buying things for the house (none of which we would need), clothes (we didn't need), things for the kids that they not only didn't need but in many instances also didn't ask for..... holidays and so it goes on...... I used to be on hotukdeals every night.... That mixed with the fact that I was drinking almost every night proved a terrible combination. It wasn't unusual for things to arrive at the house and for me not to know what it was as it had been bought when I was !!!!ed!! I haven't been on hotukdeals this month and I don't plan to be on again. I have finally realised I should instead only go on there or similar when I need something and want to find it cheap!!!

Thanks everyone for taking an interest I will be here for a while so feel free to drop bye:rotfl:

LauraB89

Wow dprovan! You're doing so well you'll be cleared in record time - amazing job on the alcohol front too!

clearmydebts

Wow - really really done to you. It sounds like you have completely turned things around. And you sound so positive as well

dprovan

I guess we have had a massive change in our thinking and behaviour but we are conscious that this needs to be a life change and not a short term project.

We had a bit of a negative this morning. My wife's job changed and she got her first adjusted pay this morning and it is £75 less than we expected (£400 less than what she was earning before !!!). My wife is really disappointed as she moved from a better paid position, which she hated so much so she never slept through dread. So she feels responsible. I am clear it is better that she is sleeping at night. We can find the £75 from either our budget or from paying slightly less to the debt per month.

My wife works 3 days a week, she reduced her days a few years ago, but now the kids are a bit older there is room for her doing some extra hours. Unfortunately her own job which pays well has no extra hrs available. My wife said yesterday she might do some voluntary work and we had one of those moments where I looked at her and smiled and said I think in our situation just now paid is what is needed- voluntary might come later. My wife has mentioned looking at some possibilities so we can see. Maybe that is a way for us to increase our income further even two mornings per week somewhere.