When a friends parent dies...

moneyistooshorttomention

Even at my age (ie early 60s) I've never had a remotely "close" death. I know that's most unusual by my age. Both my parents are still alive (though I am wondering currently whether I've just been given a "sign" that people who have "gone before" are now appearing waiting to "greet" one of my parents).

Anyway - friend concerned is the "best" friend I have made over here. She is married - so has a husband helping/supporting her here. Other relatives are back in her home area (ie we are both "recent movers" to here). We sort of treat each other as the sister that neither of us had - and I guess I'm "second in line" here to help then (ie after her husband).

What do I do to help out?

The death of her mother has just happened - somewhat to her surprise and shock. I'd been expecting it - but she hadn't. Mother is (was) in this area - so that's a help in getting things organised.

To date - we are both involved in helping to run a local voluntary group. So she has made some requests to me to deal with the running of this group - and had the response back "I've already thought of that - and done it".

What else is there that a "sister" would do?

pollypenny

Make dishes that she can eat that day or freeze.

Keep her supplied with milk. Be there to make the coffee or tea for callers.

borkid

Be there to listen if she wants to reminise etc.

Savvy_Sue

Take her a nice notebook and pen, pack of tissues, maybe some stamps. If she's doing the running around offer to help if she would like you to.

missile

We are all different and some prefer to carry on as normal.
Ask her what she would like you to do.

jamesperrett

She is probably in many people's thoughts right now, but the mark of a true friend is someone who is still there in 6 months or a years time when others have moved on.

moneyistooshorttomention

jamesperrett wrote: »

She is probably in many people's thoughts right now, but the mark of a true friend is someone who is still there in 6 months or a years time when others have moved on.

Well - we've seen each other through the various problems we've had since we moved and met here.

Guess that equals we'll see each other through the rest as well....

missile

You are fortunate to have a good friend.

duchy

My best friend was the person who just turned up to help unasked.
If I needed her to listen whilst I talked or offered to house sit whilst I was at the funeral and have the kettle on and sandwiches laid out just before people arrived after the funeral, took a suit that needed cleaning to the dry cleaners, basically did whatever was needed so I could focus on what I needed to do. Sometimes it can be big stuff other times small, sometimes it's just Kleenex and listening.

moneyistooshorttomention

Oh well - so far it's boiled down to:

- offer to help sorting clothes for donation out
- swopping voluntary work stints with each other
- co-ordinating the "friend" contingent for the Funeral
- and the usual "being available" at end of phone/email as we do anyway

Will see how it pans out further.