Single 20 something mum - time to kick myself up the bum!

DebtFreeDuo

Sounds like you're having a tough time at the moment. We are in a similar position, I'm a single mum to a 4 year old and studying and also not connecting with my uni work! I know how hard it is to juggle everything whilst also trying to juggle the finances. I would second the fresh SOA as it can sometimes bring up areas that you hadn't thought of. I've recently had a huge overhaul of all my outgoings and I feel that they are as low as I can possibly get them. Have you applied for the warm home discount this year?

timetobefrugal

Thankyou both, think I'm just feeling a little smothered by it all, I have myself to blame and I just get annoyed with myself that my situation could be so different if I hadn't have gotten in so much debt.

Updated SAO as of this morning and changing debt repayment amounts.

Salary £1,560.00
TC £287.84
CM £120.00
CB £82.00

Total: 2049.84

Rent £585.00
Nursery Fees £171.00
Petrol £100.00
Council Tax £96.00
BRGAS-GAS £33.12
BRGAS-ELECTRICITY £21.24
Car insurance £53.00
VODAFONE LIMITED £22.22
Water £20.74
SKY £37.00 - Looked at switching broadband but because of where I live they can only guarantee 3mbps for min £20 per month
Bank account Transfer £30.00 - Covers OD and account fees on other account
TV LICENCE £13.00
ISA £30.00
HOMELET BARBON £15.00
GUIDE DOGS £10.00
Other £15.00 - Covers OD fees on main account
Food £100.00
Savings £0.00

Debt Repayments

Next + Paypal £50.00
CC1 £60
CC2 £71
CC3 £35
CC4 £80.00
CC5 £25.00
CC6 £94.00
Car Loan £93.00

Total outgoing £1,862.32

Surplus income: £187.52

Feel free to tear it apart!

As you can see, without debt I would be in a nice position! The surplus income literally just gets swallowed up by nothing! Obviously clothes, treats and cosmetics/haircare etc comes out of this and not the food budget but there are generally no big buys with this.....

I currently have NO savings and this is a big issue for me as if something major breaks like my car I'm screwed. My mum's husband has even insisted on paying for my car services because I don't budget for things like that. I feel so bad because on paper I should be in a decent position financially and If they knew my financial situation I'd be so embarrassed

Me and my DDs dad have considered getting back together and I hold back and push him away because the thought of him having to know about my debt fills me with horror. He runs his own business and works very hard for his money and is a completely different financial situation. He'd probably want to buy another house in a few years and what mortgage lender would want to give me a mortgage

The fact I've been in debt so long and it's going to take so long to clear makes me even more annoyed with myself! I'm annoyed in general today can you tell :rotfl: time for a cuppa I think!

DebtFreeDuo

This post may go on a bit and I apologise if I begin to ramble on. Firstly, once you have paid back your debts and have saved up for a deposit you will be much better with your finances as you will have learnt some valuable lessons, please don't put yourself down, there will be plenty of people willing to give you a mortgage provided you do the above, your affordability will be much better once all the debt has cleared.

Secondly I think you should really think about whether getting back together with the ex is what is best in the long term, when there is a child involved you have to be completely sure, there were reasons you initially split up so do you think these issues will still be there? I also think that you would need to be completely open and honest, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who was afraid to tell me things and I also wouldn't want to feel that I had to hide things away from my partner.

Now onto the SOA, are you studying full or part time? I am assuming part time because if you were full time then you wouldn't be paying any council tax? Do you get help via tax credits for your childcare? Is the guide dogs a monthly charity amount you pay? If so I would probably cancel that for the time being until you are in a better financial position, that is £120 per year you could be putting towards your debts. Have you applied for the warm home discount? I qualify for this because DS is under 5, its worth £140 per year.

Bythelight

Well done on posting the fresh SOA. Don't use all your energy beating yourself up - that's not constructive. Everyone, if they had their time again, would make different decisions - that's life!! Instead take the annoyance that you feel and make it fuel for your positive change.

SOA thoughts (hopefully some will be helpful)

- are you making any provision each month (even £5) towards your (two?) overdrafts? It would be great to get rid of (or at least be working towards getting rid of) some of the £45 on account fees

- i assume the £30 is for DD's ISA? Going forward, can you split this £15 for your savings and £15 for hers? That would allow you to get your savings off the ground

- guide dogs - i would pause this at this moment in time.

The disappearing £187 per month.

I'd start by keeping a spending diary: what are you actually spending it on? Are those spends the best use of the £180? It would be lovely to have more but currently it is all you have got.

This will help you think what do you want to do with that £180. Do you want to spend it on, EF, Presents saving, clothes, days out with DD, treats for you, something for the house etc? And how much of £180 in each category? Once each category has a sum, then think how can I spend this so as to get the best bang for my buck. That can require you to be a bit canny but as a lawyer in training, I am sure you have the brains to do it! (and actually do it really well).

Good luck!!

timetobefrugal

Thankyou both! I came home from work, had some coffee and cake, did a good workout and now I feel a lot better. DD is having a sleepover at her nanas tonight which means I can get some uni work done in time to watch the walking dead :T

Debtfreeduo - not a ramble at all I appreciate everyone's input with regards to DDs dad, well that could have a diary on it's own! As cliche as it is I am a big believer in what will be will be, but agree that I would need to be 100% honest with him and if we ever did get back together, I would be.

I study part-time and the £287.84 are my child tax credits, agree with regards to the guide dogs, I guess part of my problem is I see that as £10 a month as opposed to £120 a year which will actually knock a month off paying off the first CC on my list! I had never heard of the warm home payment thing but have to gone on to BG and applied, although it said I wasn't eligible!

Bythelight -

- are you making any provision each month (even £5) towards your (two?) overdrafts? It would be great to get rid of (or at least be working towards getting rid of) some of the £45 on account fees Honestly I do try but I always end up transferring £30 to pay towards one then find myself skint and transferring it back. Will pledge to pay £5 toward each of them now I have paused the guide dog subscriptions

- i assume the £30 is for DD's ISA? Going forward, can you split this £15 for your savings and £15 for hers? That would allow you to get your savings off the ground Actually a good idea, I paused my payments into her ISA for about a year to pay more towards debts but when my income went up I started paying back into this because of huge mum guilt but this makes sense

- guide dogs - i would pause this at this moment in time. done

With the disappearing money honestly, I know what my problem is, I'm a huge emotional spender and I'll just 'pop' to Tesco or wilko or B&M for something and end up spending £30/£40 a time. Working out what I want to divide and use that leftover money for actually makes huge sense to me and I don't know why I've never looked at it like that.

So that will be my new goal, now my debt payments and budget is set for the next 12 months, work out how much of that £180 is going in what pot each month. Well it won't take effect until after Christmas as the majority will be going on that but certainly gives me a fresh look for 2018.

Again, thank you, I appreciate you both taking the time to respond with some suggestions, really helps seeing it from other people's perspectives sometimes

DebtFreeDuo

LOVE the walking dead but I won't be able to watch it just yet as its on now TV and I haven't got it anymore. I'm currently in a what will be will be situation myself but I overthink everything. I'm glad you took my comment as I intended, I did worry I had overstepped a little but just wanted to give my perspective.

Are you not eligible for any working tax credits? They do break it down that way so that mentally you do only see it as a small amount but it does add up, I would cancel it and start it up again once you're out of debt if you still want to donate.

Ah do BG have income factored in too? I only received it last year for the first time and I was studying full time at that point and not working. One other thing to consider is your water rates, again I'm not sure what income level you need to be on but I got a discount on mine this year and ended up paying £23 for the whole year, try googling your water company and see if they offer something similar, you may be slightly above the threshold again for this but its worth a shot.

One last thing, I would probably make sure that you have some kind of pot for you, so that if you are feeling an emotional spend then you know you have a small pot to fall back on without feeling guilty about the spend. I'm going to try and sell some things on eBay to fund my own pot but I did have a slight overspend today. Going to subscribe and follow your journey and cheer you along.

Bythelight

With the disappearing money honestly, I know what my problem is, I'm a huge emotional spender and I'll just 'pop' to Tesco or wilko or B&M for something and end up spending £30/£40 a time. Working out what I want to divide and use that leftover money for actually makes huge sense to me and I don't know why I've never looked at it like that.

Disappearing money was, and still is, my bad habit - it took me a long time to realize the above!!

It might help to think of a list of no-spends pick me ups/treats for you (think of them when you are in a good mood!) so when the emotional spend blughs attack you at least have a list of mood improving alternatives (maybe things like having a long bath, watching an old favourite film etc). Doesn't always stop me spending but it certainly helps.

Going to subscribe and follow your journey and cheer you along.

Me too!

enthusiasticsaver

I have just quickly read through your diary and can see that your problem is budgeting rather than lack of income although obviously more income would help. You do need to cut out the charity donations, daughters isa as although obviously these are all good things to spend money on, this is not your money to spend until the debt is gone. You also need to get better at letting those around you know when something is unaffordable. The holiday in Cyprus for your best friends wedding was obviously nice to go on but if you had not gone that would probably have been around £2k to go to your debt. As you say though you will not be able to afford to do it again until your debt is more manageable so all you can do is look forward. You also seem to be quite generous with gifts and maybe you need to speak to friends and family about their expectations. You should not be trying to buy stuff for your daughter as "guilt" money for working full time or being separated or whatever it is you feel guilty for. You are a good mum, trying to do your best and the priority should be financial security for you and your daughter.

I would suggest a cold turkey approach to spending going forward. Do a budget at the beginning of the month allocating money to standing orders/direct debits and debt. YOU NEED AN EMERGENCY FUND as you have found for car expenses as you are so far away from work so saving for car maintenance is a priority. You also need to set aside money for gifts and xmas - personally I would lower your gift budget considerably to £10 for birthdays for immediate family (mum, stepdad, brother, daughter) and just your very closest friends. Your parents obviously know you have debt so they should be proud of you for trying to live within your means. Whatever cash you have left you should put food and petrol money aside in one account. Put some treat/entertainment/hair/clothes money aside and if you have money left at the end of the month then put it in your emergency fund until it gets to £1k then focus on overpaying the debt. No overdrafts, no credit card spends. Just cash and debit card but no overdraft.

Sort this out while you are young for yours and your daughters sake. I would be up front with your ex re your money situation. He obviously pays maintenance so make sure you set aside money monthly if he pays it in lump sums so it is not all spent at once.

timetobefrugal

Thankyou all for the comments, honestly I take them all on board. I KNOW an emergency fund is essential for me. I did have £300 in my savings at one point but as soon as it was spent then I never managed to top it up. Now all major things are out of the way such as best friend's wedding and the holiday then I feel I can properly tackle this. I definitely don't buy my daughter things in terms of possessions to ease my mum guilt but having grown up poor I guess that's something I never want her to experience, ironic seeing as I've gotten myself into so much debt! And when I say poor I don't mean I want to be rich as money and possessions aren't what motivate me, but I just don't want her to see me struggle.

I've sat down this morning and done my spreadsheet up until March 2018 and have decided to allocate my spare £180 per month into the following:

£50 fun money
£40 for DD clothes and any birthday gifts that month (add £10 per birthday)
£20 'me' fund until I reach £200

That should leave me with around £70 to throw at my emergency fund.

I'm going to use the envelope method and withdraw my fun money, food shopping money, me fund and DD clothing/gifts fund each month and get in to the habit of leaving my bank card at home as I think this will really help me.

I was going to pop to tesco on my way home from work for some dark chocolate as I fancy some but I've decided not to after reading these posts, need to start taking this seriously so will make do with the dregs in the nutella jar when I get home :rotfl:

Debtfreeduo - I won't spoil it for you! I think I have the opposite problem as I tend to avoid thinking about things :rotfl: I'm abit of a drifter!

I got working tax credits up until I upped my hours at work now I only get the child tax element, I think the water and electricity and means tested having looked at them!

Thanks again for everyone's input!

camz2017

Just letting you know I am watching now and wish you all the best. You seem so sweet, and you have a lot on your plate!