7 Year Old Scared of Being Anywhere In The House on His Own

Anoneemoose

Hi all,

As the title says, my very nearly 7 year old son will not go upstairs or downstairs if there is no one else with him. He won't even go to the toilet up there alone. He gets REALLY frightened if he does and hears something.

We have tried reassurance, explaining that sometimes things in the house make noises - like the boiler, radiators when they come on etc. We have also tried 'rewarding' him for doing something alone, like brushing his teeth. But, he is just as frightened as ever. I can't really pinpoint when it started either. He is not overly clingy in other ways either.

I just don't know what to do. Has anyone else experienced this and if so, can you offer any tips please?

Many thanks.

FBaby

Yes, that was me as a kid. It all started after hearing on the news about a burglary locally that had gone very wrong and then a nightmare. I became petrified that someone was hiding in the house ready to murder us all.

Unfortunately, my parents were not overly supportive, telling me I was being silly so kept it for myself in the end. I did get over it though and it didn't leave me with any issues.

My advice would be to support him with his fear, but trying to get him to talk about it and understand what triggered it. I would get worried if it gets worse (ie. started to have fears about going places) or doesn't get better after a few months or so.

meer53

My daughter was like that, i just went with it, it won't last forever and trying to make him do stuff alone will just make him worse. My daughter is 16 now and the only place she doesnt like being alone is outside at night. It started when my ex left when she was 2 so it was understandable really.
When she was small i got used to having company everywhere i went, even the loo. Go with him if he's scared, have sleepovers so he can be with his friends without you, it's best not to stress about it or he will pick up on that too.

rach_k

I would avoid making a fuss if you can, because if you do it's almost like you're saying the fear is a reasonable one to have, but I'd also want to acknowledge his feelings - a tricky line to walk! I think I'd go with something like, "You don't need to worry because we have a very safe house and any noises are just our own things, but I understand that you're scared so we'll try to help you feel not scared anymore. What can we do together?"

For now, I would try to stay near him to offer that reassurance he needs and hopefully nudge him towards wanting a bit more space for himself e.g. if you're in the bathroom with him, get in the way a bit so he'd prefer if you were outside the room. If he's reading a book or playing a game, annoy him a bit until he'd prefer some quiet! If you need to leave the room, tell him how long you'll be and stick to it - if you say a minute, make sure you pop your head back in after a minute or you'll lose his trust. Make sure that if you're out of the room, you're still talking to him or singing or whatever, just making reassuring noise. Introducing some background music to the house might help with scary house settling noises too.

You could also make a bit of a detective game about noises. Get some silly hats, magnifying glass, torch, note book etc then spend time listening to the house and hunting for the source of noises. As he's 7, you could probably have some fun science discussions - pipes expanding and contracting, thermostats bringing on the heating, effects of the weather etc.

DigForVictory

I'm leaping to conclusions here, but has the young chap a teddy bear or similar pal? And could you have a chat with both, about the strange noises & when they started & what he's afraid it might be?

Could he "go armed" with a waterpistol (loaded with nothing more severe than water) which gives hims some defence against imaginary monsters & a visual clue as to where he thinks the problem is?

All done with love & tolerance, as seven year olds are amazing, imaginative, peculiar critters but they do outgrow most unreasonable terrors.

When our Beaver Scouts (6-8 yo) go on camp, the kitlist includes "stuffed toy" - & we've Left It On for even Explorer scouts (14-18), not as they need it (we carefully do not ask) but so if someone does, it's there, no question.

Anoneemoose

Thanks everyone for your replies and ideas. I think I will relax a bit and just go with it - as I say, he's not overly clingy in any other way.

Dig for Victory, you made me laugh - he doesn't just have one teddy, he has an entourage!! He has had 2 doggies since he was a baby that used to be the only things he wanted and he would take them everywhere! Now, he has added other soft toy friends along the way, so much so, he needs a bag for them and hubby and I call affectionately call him 'Roy' after Mr Cropper on Corrie! :rotfl:

Some of the tips, we've already tried and I have used the approach of 'there is nothing to be worried about, but I understand we are all frightened of different things'. I will have a go with the 'what can we do' approach tonight, I think.

One of the reasons I was asking is because I often struggle up and down the stairs, so it can be painful and exhausting - but needs must I suppose until he feels better.

Thanks again everyone!

Nomoonatall

At that age, creatures hide in and under the wardrobe and behind doors! Not to mention the toilet monster!

I watched Grizzly once. I was far too young, I thought he was hiding in my wardrobe. I swapped beds with my sister, so he'd get her first. I was 40 at the time. No I wasn't, I was about 10 and old enough to know better!

Now I'm going to have nightmares! x

engineer_amy

if you struggle with the stairs, how about compromising with him that you can sit at the bottom of the stairs (or halfway up) and talk to him/sing to him while he goes up to the bathroom. Maybe if he knows you are there and can hear you, it wont be so bad for him. It could be a stepping stone to him being able to go up entirely alone

Kaye1

What about a walkie-talkie? Then he can talk to you while he is upstairs and you can stay downstairs.

Money_maker

My 8 yo DD is exactly the same. We are right downstairs and her brother is just up the stairs on the next floor. She's worse in the dark too. She seems to be afraid of the noise of her electric toothbrush too. Having spoken to other parents, apparently this is not uncommon. Probably the byproduct of a lively imagination!

Nomoonatall

Money_maker wrote: »

My 8 yo DD is exactly the same. We are right downstairs and her brother is just up the stairs on the next floor. She's worse in the dark too. She seems to be afraid of the noise of her electric toothbrush too. Having spoken to other parents, apparently this is not uncommon. Probably the byproduct of a lively imagination!

Actually, you've just made a good point there. Has your daughter had her hearing tested lately, or her ears checked? I hated certain sounds as a child and always had ear infections. The electric toothbrush may sound distorted as do vacuum cleaners. We had walkie talkie thingies...I couldn't use them because of the feedback.

I'm probably spouting nonsense, but I'm also deaf now...thinking back, I was really affected by noise! x